NEWSLETTER (THEY'RE BACK !!!)

CHUTNEY MONARCHS ABORT THE RE-TOOL


Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.” – Quintus Horatius Flaccus (aka, Horace) sometime between 65 bc and 8 bc

That would be the Chutney Monarchs at the All Star no game break. The club already had a foundation with Lindor, Sanchez and Berrios.  Adding Matt Olson, Austin Hays and Andrew Moore in the 2018 draft, piqued enthusiasm. Those were the serious plans.  While excited about the prospects, no doubt there would need to be a continuation of a patient deliberate plan. Yes, Tradin’ Torre. Patient? It has been 6 years since the Chutney Monarchs went to the World Series. A loss to a Mendillo family member and a youngin’ no less. It left the team owner bitter or something like that. Could we be silly enough to postulate?

Off to a quick start and with the pre-season hot stove stoked, an opportunity arose to make a move and maybe we could play .500 this season. Taking a chance, the GM reached out to everyone’s pal, Sequoia owner Chip Hopkins to see if the also retooling Gigantes (love the name) would be tempted to move County Agent Hank Kimbrel. What were we thinking, move Austin Hays, a 21 year old pheeeenom? Fortunately, we were rebuked. Whew! After a cooling off period, the came in and a troubled Chip inquired if the offer was still available. Wanting to think it over (Torre) but the lower extremity overpowered both the cerebrum and cerebellum a deal was made.  Just like that. The Chutney Monarchs finally had a closer. But to close what. We are still in transition. The rotation lacked depth and without a solid rotation you ain’t goin’ nowhere in the WWBA. The pivotal deal was the acquisition of Professor Tanaka. Yes he has an inflated ERA. Yes he serves up gopher balls. Yes Hiroki Kuroda flourished in Queens. But he fit. It was stability and Tanaka chews innings like Don Mac inhaling a bowl of sashimi at Kishimoto. Trouble is Queens has been shifted into low for several years and manager Luis Melendez knows excess stomach acid oh too well.

More deals were made before the season started and we wondered what we’re doing. OK, maybe we could flirt with 500 and have a little fun. But moving Austin Hays would be a regret before too long. What the hell are we doing? Then the first block came in and what, the Chutney Monarchs are in the thick of it with the Bandits and Toppers. There wasn’t any relent. After each weekly report the club is still hanging around. With in-season trading open…..OMG. The Dunes add Kershaw. Whaaaat! Surprisingly, Carteret is more sluggish then Ken Hand 30 minutes after brunch at the Peter Panck. Talks with the Spikes and Ciz’ austerity plan were cause for optimism. But the real opportunity was an investigation with Loveable Loris and how much more then Kershaw would he expropriate. It was only piling on with Cano suspended next season and a simple offer. Bang. Now we’re rolling. Rumors of Korn City (BTW, a suburb of Industry, IL) acquiring Darvish forced the unthinkable……..moving the prodigy Jose Berrios to the land of a thousand lakes and acquiring an ace, Goober Kluber. Yes, SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE. But we weren’t done. Rebuked earlier by Lee Cohen (no relation to Myron) in an attempt to acquire someone, anyone, it won’t be the first time we asked the fat ugly girl to a dance (note: not a reference to Lee’s beauty or any lack thereof) and BOOM, Arrieta is headed to Queens with the earlier key piece, the Professor, hoping they serve sushi on 7th Avenue.

This is what happens when you complete your 2nd half rotation on time, mp’s for the 3rd quarter are done and just chompin’ at the bit for the usually Expeditious Jim “Enter The Draggin” Lee to produce a game file.