Technical Support

Technical Support:

Tech: OK sir, Can you right click on my computer?

Customer: What? How do you expect me to right click on your computer?

Tech: Madam, close all windows.

Customer: (after 5 minutes) OK, I have closed them.

Tech: What do you see on screen?

Customer: Nothing. I've closed all the windows in my house and there's no light.

Tech: Please turn on the system.

Customer: Yes, I have turned it on.

Tech: What do you see on screen?

Customer: Nothing.

Tech: Is your system turned on?

Customer: Of course it is turned on.

This conversation went for nearly 3-5 minutes till the tech found out that the customer was actually turning on the monitor and not the CPU.

Tech: OK, what is the problem now?

Customer: The modem does not work.

Tech: When did this start?

Customer: 2 days back.

Tech: Can you start the system?

Customer: What system

Tech: I meant the computer.

Customer: But I said that the modem is not working.

Tech: But that shouldn't prevent you from turning on the computer.

Customer: What??

Tech: OK, can you tell me what you are trying to do?

Customer: I am trying to do turn on the modem which is next to the monitor and it does not start.

Tech: Do you mean the rectangular box near the monitor?

Customer: Yes

(Many Americans do not refer to the CPU as 'system' or 'computer'; they call it either 'hard drive' or 'modem'.)

Tech: OK, what is the problem?

Customer: The TV which came with the computer does not work.

Tech: Do you mean the monitor?

Customer: Probably that is what you Indians call it. It is the box through which I see movies and play games.

Tech: OK, got it.

Customer: My system does not turn on.

Tech: Madam, can you turn on the computer?

Customer: how do I do it?

Tech: Do you find a button on the CPU?

Customer: What is that CPU?

Tech: OK, do you see the tower there?

Customer: What is that, there are so many towers near my place?

Tech: (By now frustrated) Madam, I meant the rectangular box near your monitor?

Customer: OK, I got you now?

Apart from these many of them don't know where the enter key or Del key or windows key is present in the keyboard.

It has taken more than 10 min to explain to them where it is present.

As a team member in the Global Support, my work involves interacting with people with hard-core banking knowledge. I called up one such client to get the details of the problem he had encountered while using FLEXCUBE.

"Can you give me an account of yesterday's problem Sir ?" I asked.

"Which account maam ? Current or Savings ?!!" came the reply.

Dear (IT) Technical Support:

     I am desperate for some help.

     I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new Program took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Saturday Rugby 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead.

     I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications.

     I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but uninstall doesn't work on this program.

Can you please help.

Joe