Abraham (Avrum) Nachshen 1896-1983

Uncle Avrum died only a few days ago, and already he has become a legend. In fact, he was a legend in his lifetime. He perpetuated the legend, by being himself. Throughout his life, he was Avrum. He always prided himself that he only had one name, and it was always Avrum. In fact, he showed me his passport or visa when he came to Canada in 1924, and it was signed in Yiddish "Avrum".

What was the legend? To many people there will be different versions of the legend, if there really was a legend, However, to me, as I knew him, I use the term “legend” merely to indicate a character, a unique personality, a lovable person, yet a person whom many people "loved to hate". A person who earned the respect and love of his children and grandchildren, a person who, no matter what, evoked a reaction, good, bad, or indifferent, he could not be ignored. And he never wanted to be ignored. He did not seek honor or glory, but he refused to be ignored or left out. He was a participant.

From my early childhood, I remember him as an easy going man. Hard-working, jovial and always making jokes or cracks, often at the expense of others. In later years, as I got to know him better, I often said that he said the right things the wrong way. But he was never silent, or at a loss for words, And often what he said not only made sense but proved his innate intelligence and knowledge, and brought home the point or idea he wished to express.

My Uncle Avrum had a caring attitude. He cared about his family, his people, his friends, and the world about him. He was careful about his allegiances in that, while he believed in an ideology which often irked other people, he was careful, at least with me and I'm sure himself, to be honest about his beliefs. While he appeared to be dogmatic, his intelligence and his natural born wisdom prevented him from swallowing everything as presented.

It is very interesting that he had such a close, wonderful and mutual relationship with his children, and especially his grandchildren. Here was a man, independent, ideological, strong willed, some would say stubborn, and yet he had no generation gap with his children or grandchildren. He had their love and respect. A combination that is sadly lacking in families today. A combination that is not easily achieved in today's society, yet he had it in spades. Why?

I always had a more or less close relationship with my uncle, since he was the first relative (with his family and my Uncle Jack) I encountered upon arriving in Canada in 1926. Our first home here was with Uncle Avrum and his family. And through the years our relationship, not only with him, but his entire family, flourished and was maintained until this very day. I saw in him a person that "cared". He cared about his family, and he cared about the world. And as I was growing up, and attracted to a youth movement that taught me caring, sharing, and responsibility as well as independent thinking, I saw many of these characteristics in my uncle.

I also learned that a relationship with one's family is something that is so important to a person's development, even though this idea has been somewhat minimized in our society in the last twenty-five or thirty years.

I saw his devotion to his parents, despite the fact that he differed radically with the way of life of his father and mother. I saw his devotion to his brothers and sisters, even though they were often on different wavelengths. One thing they all shared was devotion to parents, to family, and to their own beliefs.

My father, a devoutly religious man, like his father, differed in almost every respect with my uncle, but one common thread ran through them, all of them, the entire family, and that was devotion and respect to their parents. Each one in his own way was different, but each one gave their parents honour, respect and love.

This must have had an effect on my own way of life, and I have always tried to emulate my father, my uncles, my aunts, their relationship with family. It was, I believed, as I still do, a most important quality that helped us mold our own families, and led to the establishment of our family circle.

Our desire to stay together as a family must be very strong, despite all difficulties of space and time, age differences, other differences. Yet we all have this strong desire to stay as a family and no better evidence is needed than the Pesach Seder of 1982, when 60 members of our family, from all over the world, gathered to celebrate the holiday, and to celebrate our family - our togetherness. Uncle Avrum was, no doubt, part of the inspiration for this gathering, and his joy and elation was shared by all present, and the feeling was transmitted to those who could not be physically present at this event, an historic event in the annals of our family.

I had a special relationship with Uncle Avrum. We worked together for 18 years, and while there were the odd times when we had our differences at works there was never a feeling of anger, animosity or indifference. Before he accepted the job offered to him by his son and late brother-in-law, Boris Katz, he consulted me, and he accepted my advice even though I was his junior and had not the life experience that he had acquired over the years. Our relationship throughout the years, was one of mutual respect and friendship.

Some people were often surprised at the relationship we had. It was more than an uncle and nephew. It was more than a father and son relationship. It was something special. Something special that grew and developed over the years. I don't fully know what that "something special" was, but I do know that we shared it. It was not a one-sided "mutual admiration" society. it was not a duty, nor an obligation. It was something that we both needed, we both wanted - and it was special.

Until his last days we maintained this relationship. My regular visits to him over the years were not something that he expected as a routine obligation, but he always was more than pleased when I came to spend some time with him - just as I felt it a pleasurable act, both enjoyable and educational.

We talked about everything, and we discussed everything. He was a voracious reader, and devoured everything in print that he could lay his hands on. My last present to him, a few days before his death, was a book. A book that I had lent him before, which he read, or rather devoured, because it was a book that almost reflected his own early life in Europe, and it related the travels of a person who, like himself, had struggled in his early years and wandered from place to place. In fact, almost all of the places mentioned in the book were the very same places that Avrum had lived in or visited and the moment I saw this book (which my son bought for me) I said that Uncle Avrum was in those places, and surely he would enjoy the book. He did. And he wanted a copy of the book to give to others to enjoy and share. And when I brought the book he immediately gave it to his daughter with the remark that she should pass it on to her son to read. He not only read much, but knew what he read. He began to realize that the world does not function by a set of rules or ideologies but by people and circumstances that compel them to do or not do certain things, and in the evolutionary process, sometimes, some of our ideals may be reflected.

To me this was an important observation, because I had seen him when he did not have such an outlook, and the appearance he left, was to many that he was a "diehard". But, over the years, I observed that he was really a thinking person, and a thinking person cannot go through life with one set of dogmatic outlooks. To me this was a great step in the development of our friendship, because I began to learn that life does not follow blueprints, but rather evolves in a given time and space.

He was interested in many things. And he was especially interested in people. All people. He was especially interested in those people who had no pretensions, or affectations, and of him it can be truly said that he loved the “common people”, or, as he would say it in Yiddish, amcha (the people).

Another important characteristic of my uncle, was his satisfaction with life. He had reason to be dissatisfied. He had a tough life in his youth. He left his native homeland after experiencing, pogroms, war, revolution and hardship. He came to this country - a stranger in the land -without means, without resources. He weathered the depression years, and at all times tried to make sure his family had the basics.

At the same time, in this new country, he helped others. First and foremost his family. He helped them get out of Russia and settle here. He helped the newcomers, not only his family, through his participation in the societies that were organized to provide help for the needy, both physical needs as well as spiritual needs. Sick Benefit societies, cultural societies, and helped found a Synagogue that was being organized by his landsmen (people from the same country) who had also recently arrived in Canada. Not being a religious person, he certainly was traditional. Many of our discussions centered around this very complex topic of religion, nation, culture, and tradition. He retained a deep feeling for everything Jewish, and he had a hard time separating religion from nation, and tradition from culture. But overall, I think he remained a traditionalist, and had a true feeling for his Jewish heritage and for his Yiddishkeit.

It is difficult to accept the idea that Uncle Avrum has departed. But inevitably we must accept the facts of life. However, it will make life easier for us to have known him, to have enjoyed his presence, to have enjoyed his wit and to have benefited from his vast experiences of life which he so readily shared with us. I shall always consider it a privilege to have known him, and to have had him for my uncle. But I shall always cherish the many, many years of friendship which he generously gave me, and to have considered me not only as his nephew but as a friend. May his memory be forever blessed.

Issie Nachshen

July 30, 1983