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Andru Marino is an audio and video creator at The Verge since 2015. He has produced shows like The Vergecast, Decoder with Nilay Patel, Why’d You Push That Button, and a variety of Verge video.
The Teletubbies have been around for 20 years now. I was a little too old to care about them at the height of their popularity, but now, with my mind dedicated to the consumer-tech news world, I stopped to think about them for a brief moment. Teletubbies have TV screens implanted into their abdomens. How did those get there? What mad scientist performed this insane experiment in a land only known as Teletubbyland? Actually, I’m not really worried about that part. I work for a gadget-review vertical on a tech site. I’m worried about the mechanics of Teletubby technology.
1. How do you change the aspect ratio?
I noticed pre-reboot, the Teletubbies’ tummies had a 4:3 aspect ratio screen, but now have 16:9 screens. Something happened to the Teletubbies as of the 2015 reboot of the show. Are these new-model beings, or were they upgraded?
2. How hard was it to upgrade their hardware?
If they upgraded, was it the whole shell, or just the screen itself? I really hope they didn’t have entire cathode-ray tubes in their midsections before the reboot.
3. What happens when they play 4:3 videos now?
Hopefully they don’t just stretch them out.
4. Do those tummy screens have HDR?
If the new range of Teletubbies are going to be future-proof enough to not need constant further upgrades, it would be wise if they had the ability to display greater dynamic range of luminosity.
5. Are they smart-tummies?
In these Internet of Things days, all devices tend to be smart devices, even things like hairbrushes, which blatantly do not need to be wired or connected. It’s almost impossible to find a dumb TV these days. The Teletubbies have customized head antennas, so it looks like they’re accepting some sort of signal wirelessly.
6. Can they be hacked?
This is a major problem today for email, phone messaging, and data collection. Hackers infiltrating children’s programming is something we need to worry about.
9. Are the Teletubbies monitoring our kids for the CIA?
Asking for a friend.
10. Can you turn off motion smoothing?
11. Can I see the remote for a sec?
12. Are there hard inputs where you can plug in external media devices?
An SD card or USB would be great, but I’d personally prefer HDMI and coaxial input, in case we need to play old media or use my Chromecast.
13. Supported file formats?
MKV. Visual: H.264/MPEG-4 AVC High Profile Level4.2
14. Where are the speakers?
I can hear the videos, so there’s either an external audio out, or the sound from the TVs is emerging from somewhere on their bodies. Maybe those giant ears are speakers?
15. Do Teletubby screens have a headphone jack?
16. Are they waterproof?
I’ve seen puddles in Teletubbyland, so some precautions should be made, especially given how clumsy the characters are.
17. They don’t have power cords. How do Teletubby screens charge?
It would be great if they were solar-powered, charged up by the baby sun god.
18. Should Apple be worried?
iPad sales keep shrinking, and with competitors really standing on their own lately, we might be seeing a shift in the state of tech if Teletubby models were available for the consumer market.
19. Do they run on Android?
I’ve seen Teletummies being used as touchscreen displays. I mean, they could be running off Raspberry Pi, but we don’t know. It would be pretty great to have apps on there, but that opens up another series of questions. There were theories for a while that the Nintendo Switch was running on a custom version of Android.
20. Are ISPs using Teletubby video streaming data for marketing purposes?
Did Congress sell them out for donations, too?
Ed note: This isof course, a lot og insightful, logical questions, especiallysince the show's illogical and baby-obsessed.
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