Post date: Jul 02, 2020 3:52:43 AM
[originally drafted: 2020/05/02 @ 1815 EDT]
most of the time i don't mind them. there are the occasional moments, though, when i realise that i actually hate group video-chat meetings.
i don't want to look at you;
i don't want be looked at.
i don't want to take turns talking so that the chat program knows which user to put on the screen. it's like passing around the talking stick in a fvcking discussion circle. really? we've resorted to this?!?
in meetings i never have anything to talk about, anyway .. well, nothing that doesn't make me sound like a squirrel-y post-apocalyptic version of myself who has been staying inside too long.
i don't want to be part of some brady-bunch-looking mosaic (or: "gallery view") either.
hell: before this crisis, i didn't like regular meetings to begin with. now everyone wants to schedule a meeting because everyone's so fvcking available all the time.
the problem of arranging simultaneity in time and space has reduced to one of time and internet bandwidth, instead.
just like how we limited our screen time, pre-COVID, maybe we should limit our video chat time.
...
i forgot what i used to do on weekends. now i just sit at home and drink whiskey and try not to work and try to think of something else to do other than internet or binge-watching media.
just kidding: i drink beer too, coffee in the mornings. not at the same time, though ..
.. well, not since that time, years ago, when i flew into belgium (brussels?) for a 2-hour layover at 4am local time. i couldn't decide which one, so i ordered one of each.
(i wouldn't recommend it, despite the wonder that are belgian-styled ales. at the airport it was probably a duvel, which isn't that bad.)
sometimes it's a blessing to have a rainy weekend, because there's less internal conflict: good weather suggests that you make the most of it, but what about all the people and the probable lack of social distancing? then you start to worry, then you get conflicted.
when it's raining, you can feel robbed of your time outside, plain and simple, and just stare dejectedly into the rain.
no inner conflict or dilemma here, ladies and gentleman: just malaise.
...
on a walk to the park today (no, it wasn't raining) i realised that i've started hating people now. just in general, just because they exist. for no other reason other than they exist in close proximity to me.
having people around means that i have to walk around the tree and leave the sidewalk and mind the curb and then weave back onto the sidewalk because someone's too good to wear a fvcking mask and they're just going to spread it around and we're going to have to stay at home longer.
[added 2020/07/01] also, people are going to die. in pain. while waiting in corridors in icu's, when all of this could have been prevented.