- You need to be taking pre natals for a few months before you get pregnant.
- Its considered normal and healthy to try for a year before conceiving if you are under 35.
- You and your partner / donor should stop eating canned food because of Bpa. Beware that many glass jar lids are Bpa lined. We were cooking and freezing food in jars, so this was an issue for us. Also stuff from the store like tomato sauce will have bpa in the lid.
- Avoid alcohol except right after period. It can inhibit fertility.
- Avoid caffeine.
- Use pee-on-stick ovulation tester. These are available at any drug store. Ideally the sperm arrives 24 hours before you ovulate to give sperm a chance to swim.
- It's okay to have sex every day. source: our doctor
- No seed shall be spilled. All sperm must go to you. source: our doctor.
- Get a fridge thermometer to make sure food is cold enough. My Mayo clinic book said it should be 45, I think.
- Only buy clothes that will work for pregnancy and/or breast feeding. Loose dresses and tops. Buy a nice pair of maternity jeans since you'll wear them every day for over a year (you'll wear them in first few months after baby is born too). Buy button front shirts and dresses, and low vee neck shirts so you can get a boob out. I have a maternity wear pinterest page that I made for a friend who was struggling to feel like her fashionable self during pregnancy: https://www.pinterest.com/jessicaharvill/maternity-wear/
- Make sure your GYN is also an OB. We were surprised to find out that ours wasn't. If your GYN doesn't deliver, start looking for an OB now, and even interviewing them. I was also surprised to learn that my GYN would not see me once I was pregnant. It was abrupt.
- If you live in San Francisco there is no better human on earth to deliver your baby but John Fassett.
- Read any alarming studies about hoops to jump through for the safety of your fetus now, such as the dangers of flame retardants, fever during pregnancy, BPA or pesticides. It's too much to handle when you are newly pregnant. See "Scary Studies" page.
- If you are buying new furniture for your house, see if you can find flame retardant free options for things like, mattress, sofas or chairs. As of early 2015 West Elm, Restoration, Ikea and DWR are all FR free. If you are buying off craigslist, ask the seller when it was purchased new and if the item has a tag that says "technical bulletin 117". If it says TB117 then it has flame retardants and should be avoided. If the tag says "TB117-2013" then that usually means it does not have flame retardants and is safe. All furniture made before January 2014 has flame retardants in it. The law changed in 2013 and factories transitioned during that calendar year.
- I had emotional crying fits the first day I knew I was pregnant. There are lots of hormones and I felt suddenly very cautious in a way I didn't before: only crossed on a walk signal, avoiding smokers, averse to trying new restaurants.
- Start reading a pregnancy guidebook. It makes things less overwhelming. I liked Mayo Clinic Guide to Healthy Pregnancy.
- Eat through your nausea. My nausea was worst when blood sugar dropped, so I grazed all day. Walks also helped my nausea.
- The book "What's going on in there?" about baby brain development is fascinating and it's a good read during pregnancy.
- If vegetarian be sure to get egg yolks, soybean oil, fish oil pills for essential fats needed in baby brain building.
- Also, if you're vegetarian you might end up needing to eat protein shakes. I mixed mine with rice milk, sugar, cinnamon, clove to make a horchata drink.
- You can't eat soft cheeses, unpasteurized cheese, sprouts of any kind (beware Thai food!), raw meat, raw fish or runny eggs.
- You can't take Advil while pregnant. source: my doctor.
- Tylenol is considered to be safe, but recent studies are linking it to all sorts of crap, like autism. I would avoid Tylenol while pregnant. See my "scary studies" page for more.
- Babycenter.com is a popular resource. Check it out, maybe sign up for emails. They do a weekly email telling you what type of fruit your baby is the size of.
- Do prenatal yoga. Helps with birth. This is not a side-note. This is vitally important. Without getting into dramatics, I have two female friends who are permanently disabled due to poor pelvic floor strength during late pregnancy and childbirth. It's important to work on your pelvic floor during pregnancy and prenatal yoga is all about pelvic floor.
- Learn to nap.
- Energy: you're allowed to exercise at the same level as pre-pregnancy, but you probably won't feel like it. Don't worry! You'll have more energy in the second trimester.
- Only tell people that you're pregnant if you would also want to tell them about a miscarriage.
- Some people recommend avoiding naming the baby until the third trimester so that you're less attached in the event of miscarriage. We just didn't get around to it until third trimester.
- When I told people I was pregnant I got a barrage of articles detailing things to worry about: all the latest studies about how my behavior would affect my unborn child. I was already feeling anxious and went bonkers trying to "do it all". I asked people to stop sending articles. Never take one study too seriously, and keep in mind that a study is going to come out tomorrow saying the opposite thing.
- This article makes a case against Acetaminophen for pregnant women and young children: http://www.greatplainslaboratory.com/home/eng/Acetaminophen.asp
- Caffeine. I read a recent study correlating caffeine intake during pregnancy to childhood obesity. http://www.nature.com/ijo/journal/vaop/ncurrent/full/ijo2014196a.html Also: “Nevertheless, while caffeine does not appear to cause birth or cognitive defects, some studies have found that women who consume fairly large amounts during pregnancy take longer to conceive and have a higher rate of miscarriage” Excerpt From: Eliot, Lise. “What's Going on in There?.”
- Get a tub of cocoa butter and slather yourself once a day religiously to prevent stretch marks. A friend at work gave me a very refined cocoa butter and it was superior to store bought.
- Start learning lullabies. You will want to sing to baby all the time, and they'll remember the ones they heard in utero.
- I wish I had read the pregnancy, birth and newborn sections in "what's going on in there" (about brain development) before Oliver was born. There's some interesting stuff about how birth and medications affect the baby's brain.
- Get a belly band to support belly, help back pain, and avoid stretch marks.
- People say this is the nesting trimester where you get stuff done, because then you are exhausted again in third trimester.
- I have a what-to-buy spreadsheet available upon request.
- Your sex drive is supposed to increase a lot in second trimester.
- Decide with your partner how long after birth you want to do things like go on a date without baby, spend an overnight without baby, move baby to own room, etc. When you're sleep deprived and caught in the momentum of keeping the baby happy it's easy to lose sight of these things that are so important for marriage.
- Don't worry if guest room is also baby's room. Guests are there to help. It's not essential but handy to have a bed in the baby's room so that one of you can sleep there as needed. Also easier to nurse lying down at night.
- You won't need a crib for a long time, like 4-5 months. If you have a cosleeper you can move it into baby's room when you're ready for that.
- If you experience constipation, be careful with your body as you work with your doctor to resolve constipation. I have a friend who was injured by an aggressive fiber diet during late pregnancy constipation.
- If you are buying new furniture for your house, see if you can find flame retardant free options for things like sofas or chairs. Chicago Tribune did a big series about flame retardants. Playing with Fire
- Research about allergens and pregnancy, and babies: http://www.jaci-inpractice.org/article/S2213-2198(12)00014-1/fulltext
- “For optimal development a woman needs to consume about 300 extra” “calories per day during pregnancy, and 500 to 600 extra calories during lactation. It is recommended that many of these additional calories come from protein, which is especially important for brain development; women are advised to consume an extra 10 to 12 grams of protein per day during pregnancy and 12 to 15 grams during lactation.”
- Excerpt From: Eliot, Lise. “What's Going on in There?.”
- You should establish a relationship with a pediatrician somewhere in the second or third trimester. The pediatrician will see the baby right after the birth. In San Francisco we loved Dr Daniel Kelly at Pacific Pediatrics. In the East Bay we love Dr Oken and Dr Courtney Pickering at East Bay Pediatrics. Dr Pickering has helped us solve some tricky medical issues with our daughter.
- You need to get a whooping cough vaccine. Your partner and any friends or family members that will spend a lot of time with the new baby should also get the vaccine.
- Just as important as locking up guns is getting a fence around a swimming pool. Drowning is more likely to kill the baby.
- Get your tv fix. We didn't watch tv around Oliver while he was a baby. When he was two months old we started watching the Daily Show after he was asleep. We really missed TV in those early sleep deprived months.
- Take infant CPR class. Our friends used it to save their choking baby.
- Watch a video about how to breast feed and get a good latch. You really want to start off right.
- Baby's hearing is fragile from now to a few months after birth. Very loud noises can cause permanent damage (to the cilia in the cochlea), so avoid loud rock concerts.
- Pack an empty bag for the hospital to bring home blankets, diapers and other stolen goods in. Friends tell us it is standard practice to ransack the hospital.
- Remember you will be In hospital for three days. Pack snacks, cell charger, clothes, etc accordingly.
- Pack two bags: a small one for birth and a bigger one for three days. Then you can just grab the small one and leave the big one in the car until later.
- If you bring your own pillow put a crazy pillowcase on it so it wont get confused with hospital pillows.
- Try to schedule out of town visitors for after birth, so you don't have to do this with a newborn. It's really nice to have a week to bond as a new family before visits begin. We mostly needed help for first 5-6 weeks. Baby has growth spurt at 6 weeks and is less "newborn" and starts sleeping more at night.
- Dad / Parnter should save some paternity leave for one on one time after mom returns to work, if mom returns to work. Books say 6 weeks is a tough time and Dad / Partner should plan to be home and helpful then. We didn't find this to be true.
- Alex read "be prepared" guide for new dads. Had some good tips about baby reflexes, how to give a bath, bottle, etc. Like a how-to book.
- When you receive clothes and books, write name of giver on tag so you can let them know if it becomes a favorite, or send a picture of baby in garment.
- Lullabies you sing often to your baby in third trimester will be calming to him or her after birth.
- I did a few cooking marathons and stocked the freezer with home made soups, bean dishes and pasta sauces. At four months we are still able to defrost a jar of lentil soup when I don't have time to cook. Its kept us healthy. Also, now that Oliver is eating solids he's really enjoying the pureed soups I ate while pregnant.
- With Hazel I did placenta encapsulation and I think it really helped my mood and milk supply.
- We delivered with Nurse Midwife John Fassett at CPMC. We love him to the moon and recommend him highly. https://hoodline.com/2016/09/boys-just-don-t-do-that-meet-the-castro-s-pioneering-male-nurse-midwife
- We used a doula named Felicia Roche during our first birth and I recommend against her.
- For our second birth we had two doulas named Desiree Tamsky and Sandra Lloyd http://sfdoulagroup.com/birth-doulas/. Both of them are skilled beyond words. Desiree did our emotional preparation work and was a strong advocate to help me know what I would need during birth. Desiree hurt her back and Sandra ended up being present for our birth and she was an incredible guide. At each moment she said the exact right thing to make me feel hopeful, not afraid, and strong. She would say things like "This is going exactly as we planned, there's nothing to be afraid of" and I 100% believed her because of her seen-it-all vibe.
These are some notes about baby proofing as well as things you could do if you're buying a home or renovating a home while expecting a baby.
- built in baby gates / doors. Store bought ones are ugly and you could make them match your doors if you're remodeling.
- big foyer or a spot to store carseat, several strollers and bikes.
- cleaning chemicals up high
- built in plant stands? something baby cant knock over. we just had to move all of ours to the basement because a falling plant could really hurt him.
- built in book cases that can't topple on a three year old trying to scale them.
- book cases with cabinets for toys.
- electrical outlets at least 4 feet off the floor, so that cords aren't at baby level. I wish we had an outlet at 4 feet high behind every desk, bedside table, bookshelf. Our cables are tied up but they're right at his level because the outlets are at the base board.
- refrigerator with extra big freezer for storing baby food or making a huge batch of lentil soup and having it to thaw when there's no time to cook
- gas fireplace with opaque antique iron gate so fake coals don't show. (we're going to do this). The gate is called a summer screen.
- Those open-pedestal sinks are pretty, but having space to store all of the baby accessories coming into your life is more practical.
- coffee table with rounded edges. as the baby starts to walk the coffee table is the perfect hight to hold onto as well as hurt their head on. We are getting a sweet mid century one from etsy with all rounded edges.
- a cozy chair by a window with a side table as a nursing station on each floor. you actually don't want this to be in the baby's room so they don't build a nurse-to-sleep association.
- big open areas on the floor where baby can play.
- plant stands and floor lamps are a thing of the past for us.
- plug up outlets.
- we use the cabinet door locks that go on the inside of the doors and drawers. the ones that lock onto the outside and hold two knobs together are easy for him to pull off at ten months.
- keep bathroom doors closed at all times.
- put those hooks on the backs of doors to hold them open or use heavy sand bags to hold them open so that the baby / toddler can't play with doors and smash their fingers.
- some books recommend that the whole kitchen be off limits to crawling babies and toddlers. Accidents happen, knives and boiling liquids get dropped.
- As you child gets older remember that often accidents happen to older children because parents feel less worried and don't notice.