Three Labors

The Three Labors

Originally I thought to do a filk to Three Ravens: three squires sitting around a fire, trying to figure out what to do with their knight who was passed out on the field. I couldn't get anywhere with it (for one thing, most of the humor associated with inebriation is visual, so it's hard to convey in song or print). While driving into work I had an inspiration, based on an old joke. The result was this song. For the record: the inspiration occurred on March 30, 2006, and I finished the song on April 3, 2006. The music is Three Ravens (Thomas Ravenscroft, 1611). The current version is slightly risque; a clean version follows.

There were three tasks a knight gave a page. Down-a-down, hey down-a-down His strength and wit and courage to gauge With a down, He said “When these three tasks you do My faithful squire I'll make of you” With a down, derry derry derry down down. First drink down this jug of strong wine Down-a-down, hey down-a-down Then my fierce mastiff you must bind, With a down, Then a lusty and tireless lass Through all the night make moan and gasp With a down, derry derry derry down down. The page drank down the jug of strong wine Down-a-down, hey down-a-down Then the knight's mastiff went to find With a down, The howls and screams that rent the night Gave all who heard them quite a fright With a down, derry derry derry down down. Soon the page came back to the fire Down-a-down, hey down-a-down Asked of the knight who'd make him squire With a down, “Now sir where shall I find a lass To bind down as you, sir have asked?” With a down, derry derry derry down down...

The joke this is based on is the following: A person wants to join an elite group. They are told they must do three things: first, drink a bottle of rum. Then, wrestle a bear. Third, make love to a nymphomaniac. They down the bottle of rum, then run off to find a bear. A few hours later they come back and say, “Okay, where's this woman I'm supposed to wrestle?”

A few thoughts on humor: This joke has endless variations, even some clean ones (though the joke itself is only lewd in its implications...). For example, a few years back I did a clean version: as Arlecchino, I was to take out the cat, shave the doge, and beat the rug. I went out to take the cat out; a few scenes later I came back in saying “All right, where's this rug I'm supposed to shave?” (Disclaimer: that's what I meant to say. After practicing and rehearsing the line many, many times, I managed to bobble it on stage and killed the joke)

For whatever reason, my (three year old) daughter developed a liking for this song. As I note above, it's easy enough to change it so that it's completely clean, and in this case, it only takes very minor changes (indicated in italics). For the tasks:

First drink down this jug of strong wine Down-a-down, hey down-a-down Then my fierce mastiff you must bind, With a down, Then a man with long wild hair You must convince and shave him bare.

And for the finale:

“By fang and claw was I assailed, Down-a-down, hey down-a-down But in the end, Sir, I prevailed With a down, Now where sir shall I find this man To bind down as you, sir command?” With a down, derry derry derry down down...

In August 2007, I was playing around with the song a bit more. I'd always felt the song was too late (the punchline is fairly well known), and rewrote it so the last two verses were condensed. I think it tightens the song and makes it better. The original ending:

The page came back to camp the next morn Down-a-down, hey down-a-down So bruised and bloodied, his gown torn With a down, Boldly he went to the good knight Said “Sir, your dog gave quite a fight. With a down, derry derry derry down down. “By fang and claw was I assailed, Down-a-down, hey down-a-down But in the end, Sir, I prevailed With a down, Now where sir shall I find a lass To bind down as you, sir have asked?” With a down, derry derry derry down down...