Are You Trying to Pass Your Device?

Copyright 2007 by Jeff Suzuki

The Animaniacs inspired me to write Eagle in the Straw, and it got me thinking about pedagogical songs in general. I've been working on one for the kings of France, but then someone on a list mentioned heraldry, and it got me thinking. The result was this song, finished on June 16, 2007. The tune is Scarborough Fair.

I'll freely admit this is one of my lesser works; mainly, it was an exercise in trying to construct a pedagogical song and to try out my new technique to get the scansion right (see My Son's Estate). I don't know heraldry very well, so some of the lines are a bit forced. If it isn't sufficiently pedagogical to teach you heraldry, I've included foontotes...Note that or is a heraldic term (for the color gold); I've set it up so that every time you run into or in the song, it refers to the color, not to the conjunction. (And that really warped some of the lines...)

Are you trying to pass your device Argent, sable, purpure and gules Remember this as you draw it nice The heralds use their own terms and rules White is argent and or is for gold Argent, sable, purpure and gules For red say gules: that's what I've been told The heralds use their own terms and rules Fighters often have many a bruise Argent, sable, purpure and gules In sable and azure colored hues The heralds use their own terms and rules Grass is vert and purpure rhymes are rare Argent, sable, purpure and gules And then there's furs, like ermine and vair The heralds use their own terms and rules Metals never on metals you stack Argent, sable, purpure and gules And colors too, lest they send it back The heralds use their own terms and rules Right is sinister, dexter is left Argent, sable, purpure and gules Since blazons list as shields would be heft The heralds use their own terms and rules Ordinaries are simple designs Argent, sable, purpure and gules A bar is fess, saltire's two crossed lines The heralds use their own terms and rules If the shape just divides the broad field Argent, sable, purpure and gules Per fess, saltire, and chief this will yield The heralds use their own terms and rules Sleeping beasts heralds label dormant Argent, sable, purpure and gules Statant sits down, and walks off passant The heralds use their own terms and rules Pilgrims often keep these signs in mind Argent, sable, purpure and gules A herald's eyes will often these find The heralds use their own terms and rules Or saltire sable says to take care Argent, sable, purpure and gules And per fess gules, azure guides you there. The heralds use their own terms and rules.

• 1. Black (sable) and blue (azure).

  2. Purpure is purple.

  3. The fundamental rule of heraldry is that you cannot place a metal (gold/white) on a metal, or a color (green/red/blue/black/purple) on a color. For example, a white rabbit on a gold background is verboten.

  4. The description of a coat of arms is from the bearer's point of view, holding a shield. So the (to them) right side of the shield is on the viewer's left.

  5. A railroad crossing sign: gold (all right, yellow) background with a black X across it.

  6. An interstate sign: blue, with a red bar across the top.

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