The Fourteen Days of Valentine’s

Of course, there have to be fourteen days of Valentine’s, not just twelve! I first wrote this little parody, as best I can determine, on 12 February 1998, in Foster City, California. Back then, a “cable-ready colour TV” was still really something, but updating the lyrics to say “a flat-screen 3D TV” just doesn’t quite scan. And that will probably be outdated again by next week. At least you can still buy compact discs, but what on earth is a VCR? Previously unpublished.

 

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On the first day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the second day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the third day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

three French kisses,

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the fourth day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

four thousand bucks,

three French kisses,

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the fifth day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

five limousines,

four thousand bucks,

three French kisses,

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the sixth day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

six bathing suits,

five limousines,

four thousand bucks,

three French kisses,

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the seventh day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

seven VCRs,

six bathing suits,

five limousines,

four thousand bucks,

three French kisses,

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the eighth day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

eight gourmet dinners,

seven VCRs,

six bathing suits,

five limousines,

four thousand bucks,

three French kisses,

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the ninth day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

nine trips to Europe,

eight gourmet dinners,

seven VCRs,

six bathing suits,

five limousines,

four thousand bucks,

three French kisses,

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the tenth day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

ten chocolate truffles,

nine trips to Europe,

eight gourmet dinners,

seven VCRs,

six bathing suits,

five limousines,

four thousand bucks,

three French kisses,

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the eleventh day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

eleven super-incredible, deluxe and sensible, amazingly adorable back-rubs,

ten chocolate truffles,

nine trips to Europe,

eight gourmet dinners,

seven VCRs,

six bathing suits,

five limousines,

four thousand bucks,

three French kisses,

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the twelfth day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

twelve Rolls Royces,

eleven super-incredible, deluxe and sensible, amazingly adorable back-rubs,

ten chocolate truffles,

nine trips to Europe,

eight gourmet dinners,

seven VCRs,

six bathing suits,

five limousines,

four thousand bucks,

three French kisses,

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the thirteenth day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

thirteen compact discs,

twelve Rolls Royces,

eleven super-incredible, deluxe and sensible, amazingly adorable back-rubs,

ten chocolate truffles,

nine trips to Europe,

eight gourmet dinners,

seven VCRs,

six bathing suits,

five limousines,

four thousand bucks,

three French kisses,

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

On the fourteenth day of Valentine’s, my true love gave to me—

fourteen hugs and kisses,

thirteen compact discs,

twelve Rolls Royces,

eleven super-incredible, deluxe and sensible, amazingly adorable back-rubs,

ten chocolate truffles,

nine trips to Europe,

eight gourmet dinners,

seven VCRs,

six bathing suits,

five limousines,

four thousand bucks,

three French kisses,

two pop-up toasters,

and a cable-ready colour TV.

 

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