Reverse Rejections

by T. Clear

Dear Editor,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity

to read this rejection. I am sorry to say

that I am unable to accept it.

I apologize for the form letter,

but I receive thousands of rejections each year

and I’m unable to respond

to each one individually.

Dear Sir,

My reading period is June 1st, between 3 and 5pm.

Any rejections received outside of that time frame

will be returned unread.

Gentle Editor,

Forgive me for not returning your rejection sooner

and not offering comments or suggestions.

I am able to keep only a fraction

of the rejections I receive. Please do not

interpret this as reflecting negatively

on your attempt to reject my poems.

Dear Editor,

While I enjoyed parts of this rejection,

I’m going to have to say no — again.

Dear Editor,

I am sorry to say that this rejection

doesn’t meet my needs at this time.

Please note that I now charge a small fee

for all rejections sent to me.

Please use the link to make payment.

Dear Editor,

As is stated in my policies,

I do not accept simultaneous rejections.

And as I’ve already received one today,

I am returning this rejection

back to you unread.

Dear Editor,

I regret to inform you that

this rejection has already been rejected,

and cannot be submitted for rejection again.

Dear Editor,

I have received your rejection

and look forward to reading it.

Keep in mind that it can take

up to six months to reach a decision.

You can check the status of your rejection

at any time by logging in to your

Rejectible account.

All Best Wishes,

Poet

From South Florida Poetry Journal #22, August 2021. See also “I Long to Hold the Poetry Editor’s Penis in My Hand” by Francesca Bell.