Unused Stove

For the second annual Seabeck Haiku Getaway, one of our activities was a tan-renga writing workshop on Saturday, October 17, 2009, led by Christopher Herold, Penny Harter, and Karma Tenzing Wangchuk. I responded to the following starting verse by Dejah Léger:

red-blush oak leaf—

he loosens

her scarf

Here’s my verse, with commentary by Christopher Herold:

the wind takes

our breath away

A wonderful capping stanza! The phrase “takes our breath away” is widely used in connection with romantic attraction and so works well as a link to the beginning stanza’s “red-blush” and scarf-loosening. Michael creates a nice touch by dangling “takes” at the end of the first line rather than placing it where it would more naturally occur, connected to the phrase on the second line. By doing this, he sets us up for a surprise ending that is also the predominant link. We are prepared to see the wind take something tangible away, like the scarf; instead, we discover two people smitten with one another.

One of my verses was used as a starting verse, with the following commentary:

the stove unused

in our meeting room

warm words

Another fine first verse. I, too, noticed that although there was a large stack of wood and a stove to burn it in, we never did make a fire. Certainly we might have, considering the storm of the first night. The weather wasn’t cold but it was cool, and a fire wouldn’t have been out of place. Michael hints at this in his final line—in essence, he says that though the wood was available, our words were sufficient to warm us. Strictly speaking, the stipulation to include an autumn kigo in the beginning stanza wasn’t actually followed here because the scene portrayed could be conceived as much in winter or perhaps even early spring as in autumn. Nonetheless, this is a well-wrought and subtle stanza and it evokes the sense of place and of hospitality that would be expected from a hokku written for a longer form of linked verse.

Four poets wrote responses to my verse, each one interacting with my starting verse in fresh ways:

checking the old woodpile

for black widow spiders

—Richard Tice

through the open doorway

smoke from my father’s pipe

—Ce Rosenow

her new book

with a personal dedication

—Angela Terry

after a year without you

the letter I still reread

—Ce Rosenow

Detailed commentaries on each verse, with numerous other starting and response verses, appear in Seabeck Tan-renga, privately printed in 2009 for attendees of the 2009 Seabeck Haiku Getaway.       +