Resisting Sexual Temptation

I’ll address the subject from the point of view of someone who believes they need to resist sexual desires. They may be single and wanting to save something special for their marriage or married and wanting to remain faithful to their spouse. (Let me put in a personal plug. If you’re single it’s worth remaining faithful to your future spouse and if you’re married it’s worth the effort to remain faithful to your current spouse. I’m speaking from experience, as one who saved myself for my wife and has remained faithful for 23 years. It’s a scriptural mandate that we all benefit from when we live it out.)

The most important thing to know is that all 16 MBTI personality types face sexual temptation. No one is immune. Each personality type has its own areas of vulnerability most likely to weaken their defenses. Each personality type can also strengthen their defenses using techniques tailored for their personality.

Let’s start with a look at the most vulnerable temperament. Free spirited SP’s frequently make impulsive decisions based on desires of the moment. Their sensing (S) preference makes them sensual by nature and the spontaneity springing from perceiving (P) makes it easy for them to go with sexual desire when it arises.

A judging (J) preference tempers the spontaneous nature giving SJ’s a foundation of strength in the struggle for fidelity. Judgers are more likely to stick to previous value-based decisions when faced with momentary temptations. Unfortunately sexual temptations aren’t always momentary. Persistent desires can wear down even the clearest SJ until they actually decide to compromise their values.

Intuitives (N) are more tuned in to future possibilities so even a very spontaneous NP is more likely to think about future consequences of sexual unfaithfulness than an SP. Intuitive judgers (NJ) have two legs of strength to stand on: a natural vision toward future consequences and a decisive character that likes to stick by previous decisions.

Having a preference for introversion (I) isn’t a strength in resisting temptation, but introverts are a little less likely to get themselves into forbidden relationships. The natural sociability of extroverts (E) leads them into more relationships increasing the probability of meeting someone willing to have a sexual affair. Their social assertiveness makes extroverts more likely to act on sensual desires also. Introverts aren’t safe though. Even if you’re extremely shy and withdrawn, you’re still vulnerable to temptation from an attractive extrovert. When I’s do make friends they tend to form deep relationships, so introverts who become close friends can face an enormous battle resisting temptation if they are sensually attracted to each other. (Introverts may be more vulnerable to private forms of sexual bondage such as internet pornography.)

The feeling (F) preference seems a bit more vulnerable in this struggle than thinking (T). Feelers are more inclined to trust their gut or instincts. Sensual desires have enormous pull on our gut instincts making feelers vulnerable to deciding a sinful relationship is okay because it feels so right. Thinkers can use objective reasoning to dismiss sexual temptations. On the other hand, sensual desires can influence our logical reasoning process too. When faced with intense desire thinkers can rationalize a sinful choice as easily as someone with an F preference.

Now if you put all this together it appears that ESFPs are most vulnerable to sexual sins. I’d say ESTPs are real close in this dubious distinction. Of course, this is pure speculation on my part. I’m not aware of any statistical studies linking MBTI preferences to sexual fidelity. I think it would make a great study though.

Even if you’re an INTJ you’re not immune from the desires of the flesh. In fact, you may be more vulnerable to pornography or some other type of sensual sin even if you don’t actually have a sexual affair with someone. So let’s look at some strategies for each preference that people can use to remain faithful.

Now there are many strategies for resisting sexual temptation that apply to all personality types, such as maintaining relational distance. (That means you don’t develop a close friendship with anyone you find sensually attractive. When you’re sensually attracted to someone you can consciously extend them a little less social warmth. You should avoid being alone with them. In extreme cases you might need to cut off all contact, even if it means quitting a job.) I also recommend routine Bible study and prayer and having an accountability partner for anyone trying to resist any kind of temptation. You can find plenty of general advice for resisting temptations of all sorts on the internet, in books, from pastors and counselors, etc. What I want to focus on is tailoring your approach to fit your personality using the 8 MBTI preferences.

Since we operate in all 8 MBTI preferences each strategy below applies to everyone. Unfortunately it’s difficult to do everything at once, so you want to focus primarily on the strategies connected to your preferences. It’s good to be aware of the other strategies in case you find yourself slipping into temptation through a non-preferred channel of your personality. (Sometimes we get into trouble through our shadow. Your shadow is the personality that immerges when circumstances push you to operate in your non-preferred areas. When the shadow emerges people behave in ways totally out of sync with their usual character.)

If you’re an introvert (I) your private moments tend to lead you. Structure your life so you don’t have so many opportunities to slide into sinful private habits. If you’re married spend as much time with your spouse as possible and share your private thoughts and struggles openly. Make your spouse as much a part of that private reflective world in your mind as possible. If you or your spouse travel a lot try traveling together as much as possible. If that’s not possible, change your lifestyle so you’re not separated so much. If you’re single find a roommate, one of high moral standards who’s around you enough to interfere with opportunities to sin. Introverts don’t like giving up their privacy, but sacrificing a little privacy can save you from this temptation.

Extroverts (E) can benefit from the same social practices I just described for introverts, avoiding opportunity for private time with individuals they find sensually attractive, but they also need to work harder at maintaining relational distance. Extroverts are hard-wired to interact with people and can achieve a sense of close intimacy even in crowded environments. You don’t need to be rude to people that you find attractive, but you do need to work at keeping your interactions casual. Include your spouse in the relationship as much as possible or an accountability friend if you’re not married. Don’t let the enemy get a foothold on you. (Eph 4:27)

Sensors’ (S) greatest vulnerability in this struggle is their short-sightedness. Their natural tendency to trust their senses and concrete information of the moment leads to short-sighted decisions. Two things will help strengthen this vulnerability. First of all sensors need to trust the will of God. Knowing and trusting the scriptural instructions regarding sexual purity is vital. God loves us and we can trust that obeying our creator in this area is for good no matter how we may feel. Secondly sensors need to use their intuitive function a little to look at future possibilities. This is particularly helpful at the moment of temptation. Look to the future and visualize the pain and suffering that could result from your indiscretion. Even if you feel sheltered at the moment and certain that the temptation will be a secret act between consenting adults, your intuition function can help you see that every thing you do affects you. Yielding to temptation has a negative impact on you even if no one else ever finds out. Also, scripture teaches that nothing is really secret forever. (Matt 10:26 & Luke 12:2)

Intuitives (N) struggle when they rationalize or ignore their intuitive function. Under the stress of sensual temptation the habitual awareness of possibilities that most intuitives possess can be short-circuited as they are drawn into their non-preferred sensing function. If you prefer intuition you can resist by consciously focusing on possibilities that come with sexual sin—the pain you’ll cause your god who loves you and knows everything you do and think; the pain you could cause to yourself and others if your sin is discovered; broken marriages; emotionally scared children; the burden of living with this shameful secret; the possibility of an illegitimate pregnancy; sexually transmitted disease; the fact that yielding to sensual temptations is never as satisfying as you imagine it will be; etc. Thinking about the real possibilities (and certainties) that come with this sin tends to degrade its allure. (James 4:7)

The feeling (F) preference doesn’t make you irrational. You can use reasoning to shape your subjective F decision process so that you naturally favor what is pure and good. Use your natural reliance on personal values as a guide. Decide exactly what is permissible and what isn’t before you face temptation, and cling to those values in all situations. When sinful sensual desires arise in your heart remind yourself of the pain and destruction they have brought to countless people. (See the list in the preceding paragraph if you’re not already personally acquainted with the dark side of sexual sin.) Reason with your heart, reinforcing the beauty of an unblemished sexual life. Even if you’ve failed in the past, starting a new life of sexual purity today is absolutely lovely and admirable. Use your head to remind your heart of the splendor in sensual purity and the ugliness of sexual sin; do it over and over again until your heart embraces the paradigm of purity and naturally desires it. The desires of your flesh may never disappear, but over time your heart will grow stronger so you can stand against them.

If you’re a thinker (T) you can apply the same strategy as the F above, but you need to be aware that you’re more likely to rationalize a compromise in your values. You may believe you’re thinking objectively when in reality temptation has hijacked your brain and objectivity is lost. Don’t trust your own reasoning processes when you are faced with temptation! Trust in God’s word from scripture. Seek advice from your accountability partner or pastor or parent or a sibling—someone you can trust.

Judgers (J) need to use their decisive strength to persist in purity. Since you like to have things decided, make a commitment to sexual fidelity and sick to it. Think through exactly what forms of sensuality are good and right and don’t allow fleeting temptations (or even persistent desires) to sway you into waffling from your commitment.

Perceivers (P) usually exercise their J attitude at some time to decide on a standard of sexual conduct to live by. The weakness of perceivers is that their standards aren’t specific enough and they routinely question their decisions when faced with new information. A perceiver who’s not currently in an intimate relationship may commit to sexual purity with an intense determination to stay faithful for life. But when they find themselves aroused with the passionate desires of an intimate relationship they start to compromise. Holding hands, hugging, even kissing may serve as innocent expressions of affection, but they feel so good you want to do it for prolonged periods of time in private settings. Then you start touching each other in ways that aren’t so innocent. You reason that you haven’t violated your commitment because you haven’t gone all the way, but you keep compromising, going further and further until you know in your heart you’ve been unfaithful, even if you haven’t had intercourse.

More that anything else, perceivers need to use their S function and J attitude to specify in detail exactly where they will draw the lines in their sensual expressions outside of marriage. Then, whenever you find yourself tempted to cross one of those lines you need to consciously turn on your J attitude and determine to persist in purity. Spontaneity and flexibility are P traits given by your creator, but in this area you need to use your non-preferred character to fight temptation. Spontaneity and flexibility make you vulnerable in the face of sensual temptation.

I love feedback. Please let me know if this has helped you. If you have other strategies to add or questions, that’s great too. Just send an e-mail to godlypersonalities@gmail.com. Thanks!

If you’re really struggling in this area go to http://porntopurity.com/resources/sexual-addiction-recovery-links/ and check out their extensive list of resources for help. It’s not just about porn.