"Half a truth is often a great lie."                                                                           Benjamin Franklin  

                    "Adversity is the first path to truth."                                                       Lord Byron

                    "Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.         Henry David Thoreau

       "Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either."        Albert Einstein

                  Image result for parenting                      Image result for parenting

A Heart-felt Letter to Her Teen Daughter from a Concerned Mother

My dear child:

You always said that I treated you as a 5-year-old baby.

I will try to explain my view and you may not like to accept it but I still need to try.

When I was in high school, I saw my class mates forming groups to go to bathroom, to go to deli together (small eateries, 
not like today's nice restaurants), some were very intimate (like nowadays gays but not really) playing and chatting among 
their own little groups.  I was a good student with a pleasant personality but I do not seem to fit into any of those small groups. 

Sometimes, I went home and told my father about my sadness and feeling of being left-out at school.  My father said to me 
that "Decent people's friendship is tasteless like water; vicious/tricky people's friendship is as sweet as honey."  

Sometimes, I went home and told my father that my classmates said that I was not pretty as them due to my strong facial 
features, such as thick eye brows, big round eyes, ...  My father always comforted me and said that "Look at this young lady 
who has the strongest eye brows like a powerful general, biggest eyes like movie stars, nose ridge may not be very tall, 
but cutest smiles like a charming angel, ..."

My dear child, it is a lonely growth process for any high school kid, even your sister, who attends UC-Berkeley, acknowledged 
that she had low self-esteem in high school.  When we are young, we have no degree, no job, no title, no power so it is 
very common for us to have low self-esteem, if we are normal, because we really had nothing to show for.  But narcissistic 
personality is different and it leads to different kinds of bigger troubles.  (Click here for more.)  

The reason why it is not good to hang out with A. and her friends.  A. is an intelligent girl with strong ambition.  Her family 
wants her to go to a good school but they can not afford to buy a house in this neighborhood so her family has to lie about 
the address in order to attend to the school.  Since she does not live here and her father works late hours (11pm or 12pm), 
she has to go to other people's houses for fun, food and killing time.  (Her father is clearly a blue-collar worker with grave 
yard shift which has nothing to be shameful about.)  She told me that her father is a doctor and he was a doctor in Kansas 

She is very intelligent in telling others fancy titles and jobs but she is too young to cover up the job-related, real estate, 
and financial related complicated information in United States.  She has no interest in academic learning and projects 
and we all knew that how she used you and her lies to cover up her empty promises (different lies) and her parents' 

Even though she is not interested in academics, she is very talented in social skills.  She is very "sweet", "loving" 
and "generous" to attract others and put out a popular and well-loved images in front of other kids.  She will buy you 
great food, great drinks, and great materials to make you feel "loved" by her.  She will attract people with similar traits 
and interests like her.  "Birds of the same feathers flock together."  She likes to show you "good life" (restaurant food, 
fancy drinks, games, parties, etc.) that her "doctor" father can bring her ($10-$20 can buy that short-lived images to 
fool teenagers).  Her friendship style is as sweet as honey like my father, your grand father, said.

You grew up in a different family environment.  Both your parents work hard and achieved doctoral degrees and 
having demanding jobs but we still do not live up to her "sweet good life style" and her relaxing weekend gathering 
for more good food, drinks, shopping, and stayed at others' home until 11-12pm.  

My dear child, you have studied so hard and you only need to work hard one more year and then you will have better 
career future for yourself.  To tell tall tales are easy but in reality, success is a lonely path and you wonder why other 
people like A. and her friends have such a "happy" and "wonderful" high school life but yours is boring, hard, and lonely.  

But you will feel proud that your hard work creates more career opportunities for you and you do not need to fake a 
successful image which is very draining, too.  A. is good at telling tall tales and creating successful images now as a 
young girl and I believe that she will become more skillful in manufacturing more fancy stories and "successful images" 
and buying more "happiness" and "good friends" with $10-$20, but how long can her "success" last?

My dear child, even in today's reality, adults and senior people tend to fall victim of "successful job titles", "rich house 
location", "huge income", "instant fame", "well-loved by thousands of friends", "perfect love affairs", "winning millions 
of dollars in law suit compensation", "big retirement funds", due to extravagant marketing strategies and promotions 
(also tall tales, lies, fake images), how can we expect a 14-year-old child to differentiate the realty and the fake sweet 
good life and friendship?

I truly love you by taking care of you, cooking for you, being there for you, not just saying "love you" like A. in every
greeting and goodbye.  Her "love" is just like her father's "job" as a "doctor" and she "loves" you so much so that 
she stayed at your house until 11-12pm because she has no ride to go to a far place, called home, which does 
not allow her to go to your current high school to begin with.

When you were a new born baby, my father gave up everything and took care of you day and night, same to both of 
your sisters.  He was the one who truly loved you even though he was gone already.  However, what he said to me 
when I was a high school girl still applies to you.  You are truly loved and protected, even though we did not take you 
out for tasty food, fancy drinks, and constant roaming in mall areas.  You know that both of your parents are true 
doctors with good jobs so that you may go to your current high school for a better college in California.  You know 
that you can go home to a real place without spending hours in other people's home as an unwelcome guest.  
You know that you can make something for your friends instead of buying them expensive gifts that you know that 
you can not afford to buy them.  

My dear child, sorry to write you such a long letter.  Your sisters told me that they stop reading any text or email 
which is longer than 2-3 sentences.  I hope that you will read it.

Your mom


A Letter from a 71-Year-Old Mother

I am a 71-year-old mother and I have suffered deepest sadness and seen a big part of my life gone because the relationship 
with my daughter and my grand daughter. 

 I love and help my daughter, a middle-aged mother of three children, so much and I raised my oldest grand daughter for 
years but what I was given by my daughter in return and her husband is physical assault, mental threats, and financial 
abuse (living for free, child care for free, utility for free, property taxes for free, ...).  What I meant physical assault was 
that my daughter tended to have many arguments with me due to her stressful life from her career frustration, no job, 
no income, 3 young children, her husband's marijuana smoking, constant marital conflicts.  She physically pushed me to 
cause injury.

I and my 72-year-old husband were taken for granted by my own daughter and my son-in-law until we can no longer 
take care of ourselves and fear for our safety and lives.  We are paying for their house, cars, car insurances, gifts for 
the children, furniture for the children, and they refused to pay for $23 utility fee.  My son-in-law was working 4 days 
a week and now he only works 2 days a week.  He plans to go to Seattle for a concert and joins his single friends there 
to have wild parties.  My 72-year-old husband had gone through 3 heart surgeries and still works 35 hours at Fred Meyer.  
My son-in-law, a young man, a husband and a father, only works 2 days a week and smokes weed everyday.  When I 
tried to encourage him to find a second job or pay for their fair share, he and my daughter threatened to take my grand 
daughter away from me and deprive me of my grand daughter's visit.   

I could not sleep last night and try to search Dr. Hu's information online.  I found her website and read all the information 
on it.

I also watched her video taping.  Her photos and her voice somehow calmed me down and comforted me in the early 
morning 3am.

As an older person, it is lonely and scary to navigate the confusing and anxiety-provoking world for help.  I don't know
where to go for help and who to trust.  Since I knew Dr. Hu from April 2014 and I knew that I can trust her for many issues.  

I have seen more and more bumper stickers saying, "Do not spend my children's inheritance away."  What is the matter 
with the younger and middle-aged generations?  It is not their inheritance; it is my hard-earned saving and my aging 
husband's humble pay check.

I am hoping that Dr. Trudy will have some video tapes posted online to talk about similar issues regarding seniors 
like me and my husband.  I believe that I am not the only one who suffers this pain and bully from their own flesh 
and blood.  

I am very grateful to Dr. Trudy.

Sincerely yours,

A 71-year-old mother living in sorrow