"Half a truth is often a great lie."                                                                           Benjamin Franklin  

                    "Adversity is the first path to truth."                                                       Lord Byron

                    "Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.         Henry David Thoreau
                      and all ye need to know.                          John Keats

       "Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot 
                      be trusted in large ones either."        Albert Einstein

                         away from it all that is not gold.   Leo Tolstoy

                  Image result for parenting                      Image result for parenting

A Heart-felt Letter to Her Teen Daughter from a Concerned Mother

My dear child:

You always said that I treated you as a 5-year-old baby.

I will try to explain my view and you may not like to accept it but I still need to try.

When I was in high school, I saw my class mates forming groups to go to bathroom, 
to go to deli together (small eateries, not like today's nice restaurants), some were 
very intimate (like nowadays gays but not really) playing and chatting among their 
own little groups.  I was a good student with a pleasant personality but I do not seem 
to fit into any of those small groups. 

Sometimes, I went home and told my father about my sadness and feeling of being 
left-out at school.  My father said to me that "Decent people's friendship is tasteless 
like water; vicious/tricky people's friendship is as sweet as honey."  

Sometimes, I went home and told my father that my classmates said that I was not pretty 
as them due to my strong facial features, such as thick eye brows, big round eyes, ...  
My father always comforted me and said that "Look at this young lady who has the 
strongest eye brows like a powerful general, biggest eyes like movie stars, nose ridge 
may not be very tall, but cutest smiles like a charming angel, ..."

My dear child, it is a lonely growth process for any high school kid, even your sister, 
who attends UC-Berkeley, acknowledged that she had low self-esteem in high school.  
When we are young, we have no degree, no job, no title, no power so it is very common 
for us to have low self-esteem, if we are normal, because we really had nothing to show for.  
But narcissistic personality is different and it leads to different kinds of bigger troubles.  
(Click here for more.)  

The reason why it is not good to hang out with A. and her friends.  A. is an intelligent girl 
with strong ambition.  Her family wants her to go to a good school but they can not afford 
to buy a house in this neighborhood so her family has to lie about the address in order to 
attend to the school.  Since she does not live here and her father works late hours (11pm 
or 12pm), she has to go to other people's houses for fun, food and killing time.  
(Her father is clearly a blue-collar worker with grave yard shift which has nothing to be 
shameful about.)  She told me that her father is a doctor and he was a doctor in Kansas 

She is very intelligent in telling others fancy titles and jobs but she is too young to cover 
up the job-related, real estate, and financial related complicated information in United States.  
She has no interest in academic learning and projects and we all knew that how she used 
you and her lies to cover up her empty promises (different lies) and her parents' inadequacy.  

Even though she is not interested in academics, she is very talented in social skills.  
She is very "sweet", "loving" and "generous" to attract others and put out a popular and 
well-loved images in front of other kids.  She will buy you great food, great drinks, and 
great materials to make you feel "loved" by her.  She will attract people with similar traits 
and interests like her.  "Birds of the same feathers flock together."  She likes to show you 
"good life" (restaurant food, fancy drinks, games, parties, etc.) that her "doctor" father can 
bring her ($10-$20 can buy that short-lived images to fool teenagers).  Her friendship style 
is as sweet as honey like my father, your grand father, said.

You grew up in a different family environment.  Both your parents work hard and achieved 
doctoral degrees and having demanding jobs but we still do not live up to her "sweet good 
life style" and her relaxing weekend gathering for more good food, drinks, shopping, and 
stayed at others' home until 11-12pm.  

My dear child, you have studied so hard and you only need to work hard one more year and 
then you will have better career future for yourself.  To tell tall tales are easy but in reality, 
success is a lonely path and you wonder why other people like A. and her friends have 
such a "happy" and "wonderful" high school life but yours is boring, hard, and lonely.  

But you will feel proud that your hard work creates more career opportunities for you and 
you do not need to fake a successful image which is very draining, too.  A. is good at telling 
tall tales and creating successful images now as a young girl and I believe that she will 
become more skillful in manufacturing more fancy stories and "successful images" and 
buying more "happiness" and "good friends" with $10-$20, but how long can her "success" last?

My dear child, even in today's reality, adults and senior people tend to fall victim of "successful 
job titles", "rich house location", "huge income", "instant fame", "well-loved by thousands of 
friends", "perfect love affairs", "winning millions of dollars in law suit compensation", 
"big retirement funds", due to extravagant marketing strategies and promotions 
(also tall tales, lies, fake images), how can we expect a 14-year-old child to differentiate 
the realty and the fake sweet good life and friendship?

I truly love you by taking care of you, cooking for you, being there for you, not just saying 
"love you" like A. in every greeting and goodbye.  Her "love" is just like her father's "job" 
as a "doctor" and she "loves" you so much so that she stayed at your house until 11-12pm 
because she has no ride to go to a far place, called home, which does not allow her to go 
to your current high school to begin with.

When you were a new born baby, my father gave up everything and took care of you day 
and night, same to both of your sisters.  He was the one who truly loved you even though 
he was gone already.  However, what he said to me when I was a high school girl still 
applies to you.  You are truly loved and protected, even though we did not take you 
out for tasty food, fancy drinks, and constant roaming in mall areas.  You know that both 
of your parents are true doctors with good jobs so that you may go to your current high 
school for a better college in California.  You know that you can go home to a real place 
without spending hours in other people's home as an unwelcome guest.  
You know that you can make something for your friends instead of buying them expensive 
gifts that you know that you can not afford to buy them.  

My dear child, sorry to write you such a long letter.  Your sisters told me that they stop 
reading any text or email which is longer than 2-3 sentences.  I hope that you will read it.

Your mom


A Letter from a 71-Year-Old Mother

I am a 71-year-old mother and I have suffered deepest sadness and seen a big part of my life 
gone because the relationship with my daughter and my grand daughter. 

 I love and help my daughter, a middle-aged mother of three children, so much and I raised 
my oldest grand daughter for years but what I was given by my daughter in return and her 
husband is physical assault, mental threats, and financial abuse (living for free, child care 
for free, utility for free, property taxes for free, ...).  What I meant physical assault was 
that my daughter tended to have many arguments with me due to her stressful life from 
her career frustration, no job, no income, 3 young children, her husband's marijuana smoking, 
constant marital conflicts.  She physically pushed me to cause injury.

I and my 72-year-old husband were taken for granted by my own daughter and my son-in-law 
until we can no longer take care of ourselves and fear for our safety and lives.  We are paying 
for their house, cars, car insurances, gifts for the children, furniture for the children, and they 
refused to pay for $23 utility fee.  My son-in-law was working 4 days a week and now he only 
works 2 days a week.  He plans to go to Seattle for a concert and joins his single friends there 
to have wild parties.  My 72-year-old husband had gone through 3 heart surgeries and still 
works 35 hours at Fred Meyer.  

My son-in-law, a young man, a husband and a father, only works 2 days a week and smokes 
weed everyday.  When I tried to encourage him to find a second job or pay for their fair share, 
he and my daughter threatened to take my grand daughter away from me and deprive me of 
my grand daughter's visit.   

I could not sleep last night and try to search Dr. Hu's information online.  I found her website 
and read all the information on it.

I also watched her video taping.  Her photos and her voice somehow calmed me down and 
comforted me in the early morning 3am.

As an older person, it is lonely and scary to navigate the confusing and anxiety-provoking 
for help.  I don't know where to go for help and who to trust.  Since I knew Dr. Hu from 
April 2014 and I knew that I can trust her for many issues.  

I have seen more and more bumper stickers saying, "Do not spend my children's 
inheritance away."  What is the matter with the younger and middle-aged generations?  
It is not their inheritance; it is my hard-earned saving and my aging husband's humble pay check.

I am hoping that Dr. Trudy will have some video tapes posted online to talk about similar 
issues regarding seniors like me and my husband.  I believe that I am not the only one who 
suffers this pain and bully from their own flesh and blood.  

I am very grateful to Dr. Trudy.

Sincerely yours,

A 71-year-old mother living in sorrow