Jesus at Home Depot

I saw Jesus at Home Depot the other day.

He looked healthy and a lot darker than his pictures.

“You look surprised,” he said. “I am from the Middle East, not from Europe.”

He said he was there to buy some nails.

“You don’t need ‘em,” I said. “They crucify you other ways these days.”

“What might those ways be, my brother?” he asked.

“Like being laid off and watching your nest egg being stolen by rich men

Who have a better chance at passing through the eye of the needle

Than through the halls of justice.”

“Ah, how do they do that,” said Jesus. “Does Caesar accept bribes?”

“Yes, but we call them campaign contributions.

These help our leaders come up with ideas

Like wars against petty tyrants to make defense contractors happy,

War on drugs, war on terror, …

A war of any kind is their lord and savior.”

Just then the police showed up: “we have reports of two suspicious characters in aisle 7.”

“It must be cool to live in a color-coded world,” I said to the cop.

“Makes our jobs easy,” he said. “All blacks are criminals, all browns are terrorists or illegals,

And you two Arabs fit the description.”

Jesus posed for mug shots before they put him and me in prison.

“Our families won’t even know we’re here,” I said, “thanks to Homeland Security,

Used since 1492 against anyone who looks or thinks different.”

The dingy dungeon was full of dark faces.

“Why are all these children of God here?” asked Jesus.

An African American raised his hand.

“We are put here by a weapon of mass destruction called racism.”

Jesus said, “can we appeal to people of faith?”

“Ah, these are tricky times,” I said. “Many of the religious are actually Romans in disguise.

They cheer for the corporate lions as they gobble up the poor.”

“That’s enough,” said Jesus. “I want to go back to Home Depot.”

I said, “why is that?”

“I prefer crucifixion by nails,” he said and disappeared.

Home Depot is the registered trademark of Homer TLC, Inc.