I Never Knew You (Short Story)

by Reese Mikylla M. De Lima

Tears are flowing from my eyes while I’m thinking too deeply. I was not aware that I need to feel this pain in my life. My heart turned to stone, making my emotions too heavy for me to carry. The untouched food on the table and the ambiance of this fast food chain make me more lonely than I thought. I wish you are here with me.

I should be screaming out of joy instead of weeping like a widow. I passed the Physician Licensure Examination that made me tired and sleepless for a lot of months. I should be telling myself that I already made it and that it is uncessary for me to feel this way. The problem is how could I even feel a tiny bit of joy if the person who had been with me throughout my journey is now gone like dust swept by the wind.

We’ve been through a lot, don’t you think? We studied for hours and barely gave time for ourselves to rest. We were so determined to reach the dreams of our lives. It is unfair that it is only me who achieved that ambition of ours.

You were my savior. The person who would lend be a shoulder to cry on. The one who would give me a reviewer when I forgot to make one. You made the silliest songs to help me remember all I need for the tests the next day. I found strength and peace with you. I once called you home and you said that I should call you with that nickname more often.

I am sitting at the table where we spend of our most our time talking, playing, studying and zoning out when we think that all the struggles we face are already too unbearable. You were the first one to break the silence and make the atmosphere light like there was no problem at all. Your optimistic personality kept me going during those times where I felt like giving up.

You were always smiling, proving that you were more than all the hardships that the world could throw at you. I believe that you are amazing and indeed you are. You were kind enough to let me sneeze on your lab coat because I don’t have any tissue with me while I cried on your shoulder. You always played with my fingers when I felt nervous because you knew it will make me calm.

You knew me so well that I never once felt alone when you were beside me. You did your best to make me safe and secure when I felt like my world was crushing down. Those days when I was too sick attend class and had a lot of missed exams and activities, you helped me with all your might in finishing it all despite the workload you needed to do. I told you that you didn’t have to do that but you insisted in doing so.

I feel like I never thanked you enough for all the love, care and security you gave me. Guilt is rushing though me, knowing that I did nothing to deserve you.

You gave me all you got and left yourself empty and broken.

You were physically, emotionally and mentally tired and drained yet you didn’t seem like it. How had I not realized that you were exerting too much for me but forgot yourself in the process? Why did you kept it all by yourself even if I’m willing to help and be with you in any circumstances.

You were too tired to walk, study and give time for yourself. It was so sad that your body also gave up on you. It wasn’t able to handle all the pain you were feeling. Thinking about how you left all your loved ones including me in this cruel world is too harsh and tragic.

I’m sorry. I should have held your hand everytime I felt like you were just showing a fake smile. I should have gave in to my instincts and asked you a thousand times on what was your problem? It was all my fault.

The world was lucky to have you. It don’t deserve you. You are the definition of selflessness. You are truly an inspiration to everyone. There are billions of people in this world but I had the chance to be part of your life. What had I done in my past life to deserve you?

You taught me to live rather than just existing and that is what I am going to do. Wish me luck in this life of mine. I still have a lot to go through. I promise to make you proud everyday and not let all your efforts go to waste. I can’t promise to not be sad whenever I remember you but I would try to move foreward, bring your love with me.

Do you remember when we had a fight and you told me to act like we are strangers to each other? I know I should do that right now so that I could feel more free and happy even just a bit but I wouldn’t do that. It is impossible for me to stand strong and firm as I walk through the stages of life if I act like I never knew you.