(and other difficult subjects that come up in the news)
When it comes to our students safety, their personal & emotional safety is our #1 concern as school counselors. To say that this past year has been like no other feels like this is barely addressing what is going on. Between a global pandemic, racial uprisings, a president that may not align with your family values or beliefs, and now the situation in Ukraine. As adults we are struggling, our students are feeling this same stress. As a middle schooler they don't have the language or experience to be able to fully understand what's going on in our world. So much of middle is school is about navigating "firsts" - multiple teachers, social group becoming your primary source of connection, crushes, etc. Figuring out how to address all that is going on around them is yet another source of stress or worry.
As a counseling department we'd like to provide you with resources to support you in those conversations with your students. If you are struggling with what to say, or your student needs more support please reach out to your student's counselor. We are here to support.
Some basic tips & advice (from the NYT):
Take cues from your child - answer their questions honestly and with facts that are appropriate for their age. If they don't want to talk about it, don't force it.
Look for signs that your child is feeling anxious - are they having stomach aches, not able to sleep, disordered eating? Reassure them that you are there if they want to talk when/if they are ready.
Be aware of how much information they are being bombarded with at home - if you watch the news, is your child in the room? Is the information too much? Too scary? Are you or your child doomscrolling - help them identify vetted news sources so their information is accurate.
Be aware of what they are really worried about - Ask questions if they make a statement - like "If Ukraine falls, will that start World War 3?" Ask them what they mean by it? What's scaring them? Collaborative problem solving asks the questions "there's something about _______ that is really concerning you, can you tell me more?" Allow your student to drive the conversation and then answer honestly.
Take their worries seriously - In a time of so much unknown, people want to be able to control what they can control - our children as well. Help them identify what they are worried about. How does this impact them directly? Is there something they can do to either help themselves, or if it's about a Ukrainian issue is there something they can do to support that specific worry?
Tips for talking with your students about violence and crime from Common Sense Media
Mass shootings. Nuclear weapons. A robbery at your local corner store. Where do you start when you have to explain this stuff to your kids? Today, issues involving violence, crime, and war -- whether they're in popular shows, video games, books, or news coverage -- reach even the youngest kids. And with wall-to-wall TV coverage, constant social media updates, streaming services that broadcast age-inappropriate content any time of day, plus the internet itself, you have to have a plan for discussing even the worst of the worst in a way that's age-appropriate, that helps kids understand, and that doesn't cause more harm.
We know that heavy exposure to media violence, such as first-person-shooter games and cinematic explosions, can negatively affect kids. We also know that kids report feeling afraid, angry, or depressed about the news. But in recent years -- prompted by increased terrorist attacks around the world -- researchers are exploring the effects of "remote exposure" to real violent events. Remote exposure is when kids understand that something traumatic has occurred but haven't experienced it directly. Unsurprisingly, its lingering effects include feelings of grief, trauma, fear, and other mental health concerns. Kids can be deeply affected by images of war-torn countries, bloodied refugee children, and mass graves and need additional help processing them.
How to talk with teens
Assume they know -- but don’t assume their knowledge is complete. Teens get a lot of their information from online sources such as social media or YouTube, which can be misleading or flawed. Still, it's important to respect their knowledge and ability to learn things independently because that's a process you want to foster. You'll still need to fill in the blanks, offer some history, and share what you know.
Get them talking. High school years can be tough, as teens start rejecting their parents' ideas, becoming concerned with what friends think, and developing their own voice. This separation can be especially difficult when traumatic events occur or when you know they're interacting with mature media. To continue the kinds of conversations you had when they were younger -- and stay connected and relevant -- resist the urge to lecture and instead ask their opinions about things. Encourage them to support their ideas with legitimate news sources, not just repeat what others have said. Say, "We may not always agree, but I'm curious to hear what you have to say."
Accept their sources, but expand their horizons. Trending topics capture the headlines, but teens are just as likely to run across provocative subjects, stories, and characters on TV and in movies -- such as the meth-making chemistry teacher of Breaking Bad -- that get users clicking, viewing, and sharing. Give teens the tools to view information critically, whether they're scrolling through Snapchat, Netflix or a free-speech site for extremists such as 4chan and 8chan. Teach them to question what they see by asking themselves, "Who made this?," "Why did they make it?," "What's its point of view?," "What information isn't included?," and "What would my friends think of this?" These media-literacy questions help teens evaluate information, think beyond the clickbait headline or funny meme, and look more deeply into a topic.
Offer hope. Mood swings are the hallmark of the teen years. But exposure to sad and depressing news, as well as to issues like violence, crime, and war, through social media, video games, and movies can make teens world-weary. Don't be a Pollyanna (teens will see through that), but talk about meaningful ways to contribute something to the world -- anything that benefits the greater good. The idea that you can make a positive impact restores the soul and boosts the resilience they'll need their whole lives.
Below are a list of newspaper articles that talk about how to talk about Ukraine with your student. I haven't checked to see if they are behind any paywalls - we apologize on the front end if you cannot read them.
Helping Your Students Cope with a Violent World - Edutopia
Talking to your kids about war - Very well family