Embedded Files
Keep in mind that one of the most difficult things about transition is that you are actually transposing your identity within a new set of circumstances and cultural values and norms. The difficulty arises when you realize how much you have changed during your sojourn. You have expanded and adapted to fit your host culture and the self you bring back ‘home’ is forever changed. Wear it proudly but know that for a season it fits uncomfortably as you respond to the ways in which people react to the ‘new’ you.
C’havala Crawley
In Between. This piece was crafted by a TCK during her move from the place where she grew up, what she considers home, to her parents' “home” country.
Making sense of "home"
[Fiction based on reality]Making sense of "home"
After arriving in their passport country, and moving into a house provided by a supporting church, the Millers began adjusting to their new situation.
“Can you choose now, Liam?” Rebecca was feeling the pressure of rush hour approaching. “I know there are too many choices....” Her youngest was becoming notorious for taking 15 minutes to choose his breakfast cereal these days.
“You are finished already!?” Had Thomas ever been at the mechanics' for less than half a day in the last 10 years?
He lost himself for a minute remembering the long conversations he would have with his mechanic, Kwame. “I guess it's just time to pay then…” But Thomas felt a moment of panic when he saw the bill. "Can you just run through this with me?" (How could things possibly have gone up this much since he was last home on furlough?!)
“Is this still our church home?” Rebecca wondered out loud as they drove away from church the next Sunday. After all, the church had provided a house for the Millers to stay in. But the pastor who had commissioned them to go to Africa was gone. And the people attending their church had changed so much after the pastor left…. "It feels like we don't know anyone anymore..."
Section 4.1: Disorientation
Section 4.1: Disorientation
Once you land in your new location, you will begin establishing life rhythms once again. What is second nature in your present setting may feel like a daily obstacle course in your new location – things like laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, getting the children to school, scheduling daily prayer can present unlooked for challenges. This is because new location = dislocation. Additionally, you will be faced with a new orientation: your new purpose for being there. Put those together and you find yourself, to some degree, in a season of disorientation.
New Location [DISlocation] + New Orientation = DISorientation
Take time to recall how you have reacted to changes in location and purpose in your past.
If you can't remember clearly, think back to small changes of location:
coming home from a vacation,
coming back from a retreat,
returning from several months of visiting people in your country of origin, etc.
Reflection Opportunity
Reflection Opportunity
What, historically, has been challenging for you in changes of location?
Examples:
getting yourself / your family organized
fatigue
meal preparation
email
bills / finances
being emotionally present to family members
What are your typical responses?
Do you become:
controlling
ultra-organized
impatient / easily angered
disconnected / combative
sarcastic
Do you experience:
lack of focus
internal / external disorganization
distraction
anxiety
a lessening of your sense of proportion
Do you engage more easily in
escape behaviors
destructive habits
TIP: Challenges you experience in small-scale transitions are going to apply in exponentially greater proportion to a large scale transition.
Reflection Opportunity
Reflection Opportunity
What has made some transitions better than others in your life experience?
In those cases, what helped? Hindered?
Made things easier? More difficult?
Section 4.2:
Section 4.2:
Strategic Preparation Game Plan
Strategic Preparation Game Plan
Instructions
This activity will give you the opportunity to look ahead and put things in place that will help provide stability during your transition.
What insights have you gained from the Reflection Opportunity questions above?
What have you remembered from past travels and transitions concerning what stabilizes you when you travel and you first land in a new place, or when you travel continuously?
What have you found is necessary and/or helpful for you to feel like you are functioning well in a transition?
You may have just added to your first list of 'Stabilizers' – those patterns, rhythms of life, and activities that contribute to resilience, equilibrium, and stability (see Section 1.3: Stabilizers). Are these stabilizers different than your normal stabilizers?
Consider your upcoming travels and first few days / weeks / months. What activities, patterns, rhythms are non-negotiable for your personal resilience and equilibrium? Put your stabilizers in place. Pray about them. Discuss them with any people involved. Get help as needed. Calendar them. Arrange for accountability.
Give yourself "Personal Check-ins" – put dates on your calendar to check in on how you are doing with your non-negotiables and stabilizing activities. Use these times to adjust your plans to adjust your priorities, check in with how you are doing emotionally / relationally / physically, etc.. Incorporate new developments and things you didn’t expect to be taking time. Examples: check in with yourself / the Lord / your partner 2 weeks after arrival, 1 month after arrival, 3 months, and so on.
TIP: The more stabilizers that are missing from your weekly / monthly rhythms, the likelier that your transition will last longer and be more challenging (spiritually, relationally, emotionally, and physically).
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