Transition never occurs in a vacuum. It involves people at every turn. Part of transitioning well means being mindful of the process involved in saying goodbye. If we give ourselves the time and space to say goodbye well, we are freer at our destination to say hello with our whole hearts. C’havala Crawley
A R.A.F.T. enables us to leave each other well, without regrets. It is an acrostic denoting a pre-departure process which was originally introduced by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken in their enlightening book Third Culture Kids. As you read this simple description of the R.A.F.T. process, consider how and when you can incorporate these elements into your (your family’s) last months.
Video for explaining R.A.F.T. to families
RECONCILIATION-
Begin building your R.A.F.T. by asking yourself:
Do any of my relationships need mending?
Is there any unfinished business between me and someone I'm in relationship with?
This is the time to give and receive forgiveness. Bitterness and regret stemming from lack of closure and resolution inhibit good grief and adjustment to a new location. By God's grace, seek to mend your fences!
AFFIRMATION-
Now is the time to thank the people who have been involved in your life:
Affirm the relationships you have made and what they have meant to you.
Take the time to tell people what you have learned from them and how grateful you are for them.
Try to leave as little unsaid as possible when you leave a place.
FAREWELLS-
Say good-byes to people, places, pets and possessions that have mattered to you:
Take lots of pictures.
Take the time to say culturally appropriate goodbyes. Some cultures require a lengthy departure process.
Particularly difficult farewells can potentially be the ones that are generally rushed or put off because of their difficult emotional dynamics. Plan ahead in order to give the farewell its due.
THINK DESTINATION-
Think and dream about where you are going and what it will be like:
Be very honest about the expectations you have for the people and situations that you are going to. Be honest with yourself about how you feel about this transition.
Think ahead to what scares you or excites you about where you are going. Research the realities of your destination.
If at all possible, put concrete plans in place.
Additional Resources: