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Instructions
Without a doubt you’ve been through some hard times during your stay in your host country. In this exercise we invite you to create a safe time and place where you and your family / team can express some of those hard times in healing and helpful ways. First, however, we invite you to bring one or more of your challenging times before the Lord.
Please read through the directions below completely, so that you understand the purpose of the group time that is recommended, and what your role is both when you share and when you listen. This will add to the safety of this exercise.
Choose difficult circumstances and situations that you would like a venue for processing with others, not circumstances that cause you fear when you think of re-visiting them. We encourage you to approach those latter kinds of situations when you are companioned by those who are professionally equipped to support you in your healing journey (therapists and/or trauma counselors, for example).
Covid Contingency: This activity can be done via Zoom, which though not ideal, is possible. Where there are security concerns, if you can plan far enough in advance so that meeting outside is a possibility, that may be a solution.
TIP: We actually grow when we learn to take our hard experiences as a whole – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
When we open up the mix and mess of difficult experiences and seasons to the Lord, we can integrate them into our lives, and become more teachable and compassionate.
Begin with just you and the Lord
Begin with just you and the Lord
“What have been some of the difficult experiences in my life here?” Take note of what comes to mind.
Choose one situation you want to express. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you to which one would be good to express, and how.
TIP: How you approach the situation is not as important as actually approaching it!
It can help us to approach difficult situations that we have experienced in a variety of ways. Telling the story of what happened, for example, is one approach that we frequently take to help us process and heal from challenging experiences. But there are many other ways to express these experiences. Here are some ideas:
2. How will you express it?
You can choose more than one mode of expression, and combine them! Choose way(s) that seem doable for you, meaning it might be uncomfortable but it won’t be overwhelming:
Draw a picture of the situation/ experience.
Write a letter to God or to someone else to whom you would like to express the experience.
Make a collage: use magazine pictures, colored papers, photographs, drawings, string, pipe cleaners, paint, markers, etc.
Write a poem.
Compose or select a song that expresses your thoughts/ feelings/ something else about the experience.
Create a shape or symbol on paper, using modeling clay/plasticine or other media such as pipe cleaners or different colors of string glued to paper – let creativity be your guide!
Express your feelings of grief and loss to God by creating a lament. Examples of ways to lament:
Try a Hebrew poetic form like some Psalms which “rhyme” via parallel meanings from line to line. Example:
O God, we have heard with our ears,
our fathers have told us,
what deeds you performed in their days,
in the days of old….
Psalm 44:1 (ESV)
Rap
Spoken word
It can be sayable or singable - whatever will express your feelings.
3. WHAT are you trying to express?
What happened? (the actual experience/ situation)
What were my thoughts?
How did I feel?
How did I act / respond?
How do I feel now about how I responded then? (Examples: I’m glad I _________ ; I wish I had/hadn’t _________; I don’t understand why I ________; etc.)
Where did I experience the good in this situation?
Where did I experience the bad in this situation?
Where did I experience the ugly in this situation?
How does it feel to see the good, the bad, and the ugly in this situation?
4. Do it! Find a way...express yourself.
share as a family / team
share as a family / team
Open in prayer. Suggestions for committing your sharing time to God:
Ask the Holy Spirit to come and set this time apart in a special way for each one of you to be healed and comforted.
Pray for the Lord to surround you with his guardianship, to protect your minds and hearts, memories and bodies, as you share together.
Pray that as each person expresses themselves, the Lord would minister to them.
Pray the Lord brings the light of truth to reveal any deceptions that have been believed in response to what has been experienced.
Pray the Lord brings healing to the hurts sustained, and to minister his hope where it is needed, etc.
Choose a moderator who will keep track of the sharing time after each person shares, so that no one person ends up monopolizing the time. (See Guidelines for Group Reflection below.)
Each person volunteers as they feel ready. Give your expression as an offering to God as well as a way to share with each other, asking the Holy Spirit to bring you light and comfort and healing.
Note: Respect the fact that some may not want or be able to share at this time, even if they have prepared.
Reflection Opportunity
Did you know?
Even if you experienced the exact same situation with your family or team, every one of you will have a different way of processing it!
Guidelines for Group Reflection
Guidelines for Group Reflection
As listeners your role is to provide space and time for the person sharing to experience the more of the fullness of what happened and what the Lord has for them in it. The gift you have to give is your listening ears and heart – not counseling, advising, coaching, mentoring, etc.
Family / team members must ask the person who shared whether it is okay to ask questions or to reflect anything they observed back to him or her.
The person who shares is the one who directs the group reflection time. Examples:
“I’d like to just be quiet and have you pray for me right now.”
“Remember when I said ______? That part is important because…” and go on to explain further.
It is appropriate for observations by those listening to be expressed tentatively as the group seeks to appreciate what each one is sharing. Being tentative in our observations gives the other person freedom to feel they can clarify and further express themselves. Examples:
“It seemed to me like you were feeling sad – was that so?”
“It felt to me like you got irritated – did I pick up on that accurately?”
This is preferable to saying things like, “You were clearly furious!” because this kind of assumption can cause the person sharing to feel that they have been misread and therefore 'missed'. But if those listening respond tentatively, asking questions like, "So...you felt angry?" it can be easier for the person sharing to clarify without feeling they were clearly misunderstood: "No, actually, I felt more hurt than angry, because..."
The person who shared may add comments of clarification or further sharing as desired (the moderator keeping an eye on the time).
When each person finishes sharing, the others pray prayers of blessing for the person, intercede for him/her, and offer thanksgiving and praise, etc.
The next person begins.
When all have expressed themselves and been prayed for, take a few minutes to share what this experience has been like together.
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