A self-portrait is looking into a mirror and seeing someone else’s reflection. In my reflection, I hope to bring value to your time and give you a glimpse into my life. Our seven questions were able to be adopted and played with, letting us dive into the question without too much restriction. Now, step in front of the mirror and read my reflection.
I wasn’t quite “obsessed” with anything before I became “normal”. Was I immature, and what I would now call a “loser” 100%. But I was a kid, and that's normal. For me to be how I am and was is a relatively normal progression. I was a very energetic kid, and then as I got older, I didn’t run around the kitchen and dining room as much. Have I done that recently, though? Yes.
While I wouldn’t call it an obsession, the closest thing would be Pokémon for me. I used to play the games and collect the cards. I was 8 with no money, making my parents buy me shiny cardboard, recording myself playing Pokémon Sun on my 3DS when my mom was yelling that I needed to get ready for school, and still uploading that to my YouTube channel. I just did kid stuff. Yes, that happened, and yes, that video was later found and cast on the TV at a hangout along with many other examples of why you should be 13 to be on YouTube.
Does what I did as a kid “truly drive me”? In a way, it pushed me to be more mindful of my actions. My “early quirks” do not drive me, only have I learned from them and become less unfunny cringe and a funnier cringe.
I pay close attention to the time with either my phone or a watch. Still, when I lose track of time, ironically, it is usually when I have nothing else to do and am on my phone; however, when I do not have a time-telling device or pay no mind to one, that is when time is not lost but enjoyed.
On my phone, when I lose track of time, I believe that time is really lost. While it depends on the activity, a 10-hour screen time daily average, and my most used app being Instagram, doesn’t show the best use of my time. While in my defense, I do use Instagram messages, and my reels feed is not brain-rot. Still, that is a lot of reels. Long-form content is not never watched but just broken between Twitch and YouTube, so it is not my most used.
Hanging out with friends is when “flow” mostly happens. Going somewhere after school and losing track of time together. Together on the weekend without places to be, being free to take all the time in the world. Not just the being together, but also the activity being done. Whether at an event or watching a movie, time moves faster. That time just moves, but is not lost. Sitting around on a couch like you are sitting around a campfire, telling stories and interacting with each other like social media never existed. Technology is being ignored even though there is music playing on the TV. Pool games are being played, getting dopamine from wins and losses instead of short-form popping colors like a baby sensitivity video. Everyone is sitting connected through life, and not via a wifi connection. Time moves, and everyone is along for the ride.
People thank me for my actions more than my words. My words are appreciated, but an explicit “thank you” is more the result of an action. This is because seeing someone actively do something for you feels like them doing more, even if it is a small gesture. Standing there while someone holds the door for you would make you more likely to say thank you as you walk past, but in conversation, saying thank you to someone being funny seems weird.
Humor is definitely appreciated, but “thank you” is not a common way to show that. For example, while playing volleyball:
“I hate that you’re actually funny,” Kinsey says between laughs.
“No, like, he actually is, tho,” Hazel replied
This is less of a thank you and more of an acknowledgment of something that is appreciated. Advice is words that usually get a thank you, though. If given advice or praise, a thank you is usually said, and that is more commonplace. A “thank you” is not the only way to appreciate someone; it is just a common phrase. Actions speak louder than words. A thank you is saturated and overused like:
“How are you?”
“Good, how about you?”
“Good.”
Is this revolutionary, and did it really express much? Not really. But could it have been better? Yes:
“How has this weekend been?”
“Pretty good, went out with the old ball and chain and got dinner. What have you been up to?”
“Took the kids to baseball practice, shopping, just the usual. Thanks for asking.”
Isn't that so much better and opens the conversation better? The point is, “thank you” means something, but appreciation can be so much more without anything over the top.
“I will win.” I will be the best at what I do, whatever that is. I will do my best, and that will be the best. In the gym, from the start, I was going to failure. I did injure myself because that's stupid, but I had the right idea. My first leg day with Chris, he started me light, just to let me learn what to do. The correct way to start. But I had no plan on just going through the motions; I wanted growth. I craved progress, not doing weights, going so light it is more cardio than lifting. I did 112 reps of calf raises. 112. I only stopped when I could do no more of the overly lightweight. I took the weight I was given and did the most I could with it. After that, I stunted my own growth. I didn’t want to “ego lift,” so I went light. To less reps. To light weight. I didn’t achieve anything. I was pushing 150lbs and blamed it on my shoulder injury, saying I can't go to the gym. I could. When I locked in and stopped putting blockades in front of me, I made progress. I made growth mentally and physically. I am nowhere near the best. My numbers are not super impressive. Not only that, but I mean, my 1-rep max bench is probably 1 plate on a Smith machine. I don’t know, I haven't tried.
In fashion, there isn’t really a “best”. It is an art. Art is subjective. But in your world, you can be that best. Best designer in your field, best dressed, the best hardware, most accomplished. Am I that? No. Can I be? That is up to me. I have clothing ideas, but not the material to build them. Is that just an excuse? It's debatable, but it's true that some of the technology I would need has not been invented yet, for I haven’t done it yet.
On the topic of art, I make music. Since March 28, 04:59 PM, I have finished 2 songs. That is not a lot. Not a lot at all. That is because of the sheer number of songs I was unhappy with and scrapped or deleted. I did not believe they should represent me. If I couldn’t play the song around others and not say
“ignore this part.”
“I have to redo this part.”
“Just wait till this part.”
They shouldn’t have my name on them. The 2 songs I have could still be better, but I like how they are. My first song took from March to August to finish, my second was started in July and was also done in August. They show growth. You can hear me getting better. Learning. The same as my Instagram page. I have pictures of my outfits that I don’t really like. But you can see me refining my craft. You can see the growth. You can see my progress.
I could be in most places; the question is just, do I want to be there? Like, I could do a lot, but I can't do it all at once. I most likely need to solve that problem, but for now, there is no answer. None that I have the capital for. If you are rich, you do not have to worry about your well-being, and you can try things and go for things that the average person can not afford to do. The far reaches and risks taken can let you succeed, letting the rich get richer.
But when you don’t have much to lose, you can take those risks and work hard to make a life for yourself. My dad grew up in Damietta, a port city in Egypt, which was not the best place to grow up. Google the city; it looks amazing. Go to street view, it is very different. Live there? Not the hottest. He would tell me stories about when he lived there and how he dropped out of middle school when his mom died to work and keep food on the table. His dad was blind, so I am pretty sure he wasn’t working and putting food on the table for him and his pretty large family. My father had to work to bring himself and his family up and get to where he is now.
My point? I don’t believe there is just one place for me, but it can't all be done. But what I can do is try my hardest wherever I am, wherever that is.
You can't let the power of infinite money ruin you. Personally, as much as I would like to say I wouldn't change much, I would. There are things I want and places to explore, but I wouldn't be too over the top. No yacht, no jet, no crown, no castle. I would try to limit what I indulge in and try not to be what the stereotype of lottery winners is.
What would I absolutely buy, though? There are some clothes I really want. A sewing machine, a serger, the whole lot. A pre-built PC instead of continuing to build my own, because who has time for that, right? I mean, I'm basically the most powerful person on the planet; as I said before, money can get you very far. Speaking of far, I have to visit Egypt, bless up family there. A bit of philanthropy and charity. I still have to dodge taxes— doesn’t matter how much money I have.
But these things don’t matter. Philanthropy is good, but material things do not matter. These are things I live without each day, and things that will just be lost eventually. On a just me speaking, not through an Islamic perspective, these material things will do me no good at death. Using the money for good would be a better use. The question asks us what matters, but we should think about how we can do something that really matters. We can be in a gold coffin but still be underground in a world we did not do well for.
“The #1 regret isn’t failure. It’s inaction,” But isn’t inaction failure to yourself? Failure to accomplish your goals. Failure to do what you want to do. You should do what you want because if you do not pursue it, do you truly desire it?
My regret would be not getting far enough due to my own fault. If I could have done more, then I should have. But at the end of the day, it is what it is. I can’t go back and do what I wanted to do. Even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. I don’t want to go back in time and fix things or do things in the past, so why would I when I am already at the end? What would it change? I would be lying if I said I would not feel regret at all. This is just human nature.
I do want to do things before I die that are pretty possible things. Things that I would definitely regret not doing, like going to Egypt. The plane ticket is expensive, but very possible. I will find other things I need to do as I get older, but me being so short not into life, but into being an actual smart being, so I don’t have many burning desires. I always wanted to go to a Playboi Carti concert, and I did. It was cool, but I wouldn’t go again. I completed what I wanted to do and will stop there, for there is nothing else to do in that path. I no longer desire to go, and don’t think about it anymore, but I would if I had never gone. I would have regretted not going, even though the experience itself no longer brings me joy.