by Marie Brunkhorst, Senior
Fall 2016
The weather is always nice where I live. Snow rarely shows its cold fingers. The sun is always out, beaming it’s adoration and pride; the grass always green, flowers always blooming, birds always fluttering about. It’s quite the paradise all year round.
However, I never felt like a sunny day.
I felt like snow.
Quiet, resentful, lonely; that’s what winter is all about. And it’s all I’ve ever felt.
The people of this place agree with me. They despise my very existence. Even though it’s a sunny day, they’re cold around me. All the time.
Until one day.
When I was merely a wandering child.
I was walking down the trail one lonely sunset, trying to get to my sorry excuse for a home, and that’s when I spotted him.
He was sitting on the dock, staring out at the lake. The sinking sun leaked across the water.
He looked like misery.
Shadows crossed his face and not a single trace of a smile crept on his lips.
I knew him.
He was in the same classroom as I was.
I knew what had happened to him as well. Everyone did. Something as gruesome as an entire family being wiped out in one afternoon doesn’t just slip under the radar easily.
As I watched him from a distance, I realized that I knew exactly what he was experiencing.
He was snowing.
I wanted to approach him that day. I wanted to share my sympathies with him. I wanted to try to make a friend; a real friend, one who wouldn’t leave just because of the discrimination everyone else was influenced by.
He must’ve sensed my stare on him, because he turned to look at me. He had no tears present. Just dullness. Though unlike anyone else who viewed me, I failed see any streak of ice in his gaze.
I huffed resentfully, turning my face away from him. He did the same, vexed at my momentary pity, and without another thought, I continued on my journey home.
Years later, I wish I hadn’t done that.
Because years later, we did become friends.
And years later, I did finally feel the sunshine just as everyone else did.
It felt good to be happy. It felt good to be wanted. To be needed. To be appreciated for being alive. I had him to thank for that.
Of course, nothing gold can stay.
We became jealous of each other.
Jealous to the point of hatred.
I hated him for the fact that he knew how to do everything. He was strong, well-spoken, smart, a ladies man, and knew just what to say in every situation; and he hated me for being able to learn several things in a day whereas it took him years to figure out how to do one simple task.
Neither of us spoke of this fostered hostility. We both let it grow in our hearts to the point of venomous consumption.
Before we knew it, we were at each other’s throats with fists and knives; attacking each other violently. He slashed my chest, and I, his forehead. We were split apart.
He bit his lip, blood trailing down his face, staring at my eyes with a mix of anger and fear.
I’m still not sure if it was just me he was mad at.
I gripped my blood-soaked chest where my heart was. He only tore the flesh, but not the organ. Perhaps he was sparing me.
I watched him wipe the red stream from his head as he got up to his feet. Looking at me with his eyes as dark as midnight, he trailed away in a grave manner.
He left that day.
I knew it would happen eventually, but I never dreamed that it would’ve be so soon.
I never got to say my farewells to him, I remember thinking as I stare outside the hospital window.
I hope he ends up forgiving me.
Now it’s been three long years.
I missed that sunshine. That sweet birdsong that used to sing outside my window. That piece of happiness that I was so lucky to obtain in the first place.
Now there was just winter. Winter with drops of blood.
He should’ve killed me that day. I wouldn’t have held it against him.
I stare out of my windows. Perhaps he’ll come back one day. Once we’ve grown passed our feud and shook hands as we allowed to forgive one another.
I wanted to apologize for it. All of it.
Who knows? Maybe he’s sorry, too.
Stepping outside my house, I felt the hot air beat against my skin. It was a sunny day outside. No surprise. I walked around my hometown, just like how I used to when things got rough. I smiled. It was strange. There was cold all around me, and yet I felt warm.
Maybe all these years weren’t a waste of time after all.
I had learned how to build a fire to keep the chill out of my mind.
I looked up to the blue skies that hung overhead into the infinite horizon. A nice thought passed my mind,
There is peace where the sun shines on the snow.