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Disrupting the Bystander by A. V. Flox
We were not prepared for #metoo when it blew up Twitter in October 2017. In many ways, we still aren't. What do we do when we learn a friend has been harmed? And what does it mean to be a good friend when someone we love caused the harm?
We live in a society that confines survivors to silence. Our only avenues to address harm do little to prevent its recurrence. Trapped within a binary of silence or punishment, it's no wonder so many of us remain paralyzed even as the disclosures continue. Punishment requires both certainty and authority, which most bystanders lack. But once the silence has been broken, we can't return to it. Few of us are strangers to the nagging feeling that arises within that paralysis. We intuit—correctly—that we have some kind of responsibility when harm happens in our communities, but what is it? And if we have responsibility, do we have rights?
Combining behavioral neuroscience and insights from those on the frontlines of harm intervention, Disrupting the Bystander helps us break out of paralysis so that we can best support those we love—whether they were hurt or hurt someone else.
Review from Publishers Weekly:
Freelance journalist Flox debuts with an insightful primer on moving past the “binary of silence or punishment” to support those who have been harmed by sexual misconduct and hold accountable those who have caused harm. Drawing on research into the biological and emotional responses to trauma, Flox describes the importance of helping survivors to shift from a state of distress to a state of calm, seek shelter and stabilization in a “pod” of supportive people, and shape their responses to threats and triggers by making a safety plan, seeking therapy, calling for accountability, or involving the criminal justice system. Flox offers guidelines for practicing self-care and avoiding “burnout” when intervening in a traumatic situation, whether it’s on behalf of the victim or in an effort to “guide” the harasser to accountability. She follows Native American models of “restorative justice” in sections on standing up to a friend or loved one who has harmed another person, explaining how to maintain social bonds, rather than isolate and punish, while not dismissing the impact of their misconduct. Though Flox uses the jargon of contemporary nonviolent activism, she is careful to define her terms. Mental health professionals, victims’ rights advocates, and readers who have been subjected to or witnessed sexual harassment will find Flox’s level headed strategies helpful.
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