The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith
Eden used to be a good girl. She was even in band. Then, while her family was asleep in the same house, her brother's best friend raped her. He told her no one would believe her if she said anything, and Eden believed him. So she kept the secret, and her personality and world changed overnight. She suddenly began lashing out with booze and sex, lying to her caring boyfriend, sabotaging her relationship with her friends, and no one knows, or seems to care, why. Eden's story plays out over four years of high school, as she painfully but surely finds her will to survive.
Review from School Library Journal Starred:
Eden is a quiet band nerd and a freshman when her brother's best friend, Kevin, rapes her. Eden's entire life is changed from that moment. Life no longer makes sense. She believes Kevin's threats and doesn't tell anyone what happened. The next four years of her life are shaped by that night in large and small ways. Eden struggles to relate to her best friend and most of her other acquaintances. The teen experiments sexually in an attempt to gain control, but her inability to relate and connect create a dangerous cycle she must confront in order to move on. Smith tells Eden's story in four parts: freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year. This is a poignant book that realistically looks at the lasting effects of trauma on love, relationships, and life. While the rape is discussed, it is not graphic, allowing for a wider readership. Teens will be reminded of Laurie Halse Anderson's Speak.