Today Is the Day

By: Shanise Nicholas

This is it: Today is the day when she will venture out to experience newer and better things. This is what she tells herself, as she has done multiple times before. She questions if she will muster up the courage and cross the road. She debates with herself, wondering if she is ready for a change. If she can handle the difference in routine, schedule, and life.

She stands on the sidewalk staring at the road, at the other side with yearning. She imagines all the endless opportunities she could have, if she crossed. The escape from the toxicity that surrounds her daily. The hope of never-ending relaxation and security. The likelihood of meeting new people and making new friends who will not treat her similarly to the way hers do now, but as an equal, and not as competition.

She questions if crossing the road will affect the people around her and the person she grows into. Will the people in her life notice and treat her differently, or will she lose them? She thinks about how difficult it will be to leave the toxic people in her life behind. She will have a hard time letting go, even if she feels better by doing so. She wonders about what sort of person she will grow into.

She reflects on this new person she will become. Whether that change in personality will be good or bad. If that change in personality will be worth it. How it might affect her ability to connect with newer people. She thinks, what if it changes me for the better? What if it helps me to connect with people easier? What if it makes me stronger mentally and emotionally?

As she thinks about the life she is living now, she knows it is time to make her choice. She goes over the pros and cons in her head, and tries to determine which side outweighs the other. She ponders how this will affect the good-natured people in her life. She is frustrated and argues with herself until she finally comes to the realization it is not selfish to put herself first.

“Today is the day,” she says aloud as she crosses the road.