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Be Present, Not Perfect: Cultivating Compassion
Be Present, Not Perfect: Cultivating Compassion
By Shelby Chollet
Defining Mindfulness: “The awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment to moment” (Kabat-Zinn, 2003, p. 145).
Working in education is extremely personal. It melts into nearly every crevice of our lives and is often a big part of our identity. Odds are, 90% of our conversations have to do with education and when we come across a neat idea or tool, we most likely exclaim, “My kids would love this!” or “I could use this is my class!” Our minds are always applying our inner educator. Our natural devotion, paradoxically, is what can make us great and what can be our greatest burden. With this amount of educational identity can come an imbalance when approached without an understanding of our flawed humanness. We can become so immersed in the semantics of weeds that we forget to zoom out of the trees to see how lush our habitable forest has become.
When Fear Activates Our Coping Mechanisms & We Fall Back Into Comfort
When Fear Activates Our Coping Mechanisms & We Fall Back Into Comfort
We are irrational when we are judgmental. Blame your brain. Our brains like to attempt predictions and assumptions, while also knowing that it will probably be wrong. Mix that trait with negative emotions and you have a surefire way to create some pretty horrific stories in your head. This leads to greater stress levels, rising cortisol levels, and the loss of executive functioning skills that like to organize and rationalize everything for you. All of a sudden you are backed into a corner (or so you think), and you go back to what you know. The challenge or risk you set out to take on to better yourself personally, professionally, as well as benefit your learners, is now seen as impossible. You fell into the emotions of the situation instead of treating the situation as objective.
In other words:
You harshly judged yourself.
Getting Rid of Perfectionism & Letting Go of Control
Getting Rid of Perfectionism & Letting Go of Control
We all have that one friend or family member who is very, if not extremely, anal retentive. They like to have plans before embarking on any type of occasion or task. The level of detail they implement into everything they do is microscopic. Even the routines and habits they practice could seem neurotic to some. I am that friend and family member in my circles of people. And if I do not acknowledge when that pattern begins to spiral and manifest itself into a mountain of “not good enough” or “this is chaos”, my emotions become invested and a breakdown is imminent. Having a level of control and the attention to detail while possessing the peripherals to anticipate what could happen next is a teacher’s superpower. It is also a great way to burnout if not treated the right way.
How Practicing Mindfulness Makes Us Compassionate & Empathetic
How Practicing Mindfulness Makes Us Compassionate & Empathetic
When mindfulness asks us to remain nonjudgmental, it is asking us to apply compassion and acceptance for ourselves. Mindfulness does not only have to do with how we treat ourselves, however. It is also how we apply that compassion and acceptance to others. Giving ourselves and others grace serves us two-fold because we get rid of judgement while being reminded that we are humans with an objective. It creates space for the benefit of the doubt.
Practices That Nurture Compassion & Empathy
Practices That Nurture Compassion & Empathy
What Should I Do?
Notice Small Victories
Notice Small Victories
Sit back and consider what your small victories- personal and/or professional- were for the day. If possible, write them down. Noticing and acknowledging the good things that happened to you allows your focus to celebrate the positives and see them as level-up opportunities. These small victories could be as simple as:
I only hit the snooze button once
I laughed with my learners
I drank more water
Reflect on Gratitude
Reflect on Gratitude
Take the time to think about and write down what you are grateful for in your life. It’s important to be specific, as it gives your brain something fresh to acknowledge and reflect on. Go deeper than the generic, “I am grateful for the people in my life”. Let your brain process newness:
My colleague took the time to listen to my worries about not getting my grading done fast enough, validated my feelings by expressing my emotions and the barriers I am facing, and offered ideas to help solve my problem.
Tell Someone You Appreciate Them
Tell Someone You Appreciate Them
Think about one person you truly appreciate and why. Specificity is important so that we can identify what it is we appreciate them for in our lives. Notice what they add to your life and explore why that is important to you. Does it align with your values? Do they make your life easier? Why do they bring you joy?
Then tell them! Whether it is face-to-face, a phone call, a text message, or a letter, tell the person you appreciate what it is you appreciate them for and why.
References
References
Kabat‐Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness‐based interventions in context: past, present, and future. Clinical psychology: Science and practice, 10(2), 144-156.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR). Constructivism in the Human Sciences, 8(2), 73.
Mindfulness, and any other contemplative technique (science of happiness, positive psychology, etc.), can certainly seem "too easy" to make any impact. But as you have read, that is far from the truth. The mind is a part of our physical body and greatly affects what happens to our physical body. And because we cannot readily see the progress taking place, that doesn't mean it isn't happening.
The secret? It takes consistent, intentional practice. That is the real challenge, but it comes with great rewards. Stick to it and you'll find out.
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