Grief

Let's Break the Stigma

Every person will experience grief throughout their life. There is no one "right" or "wrong" way to grieve and it will look different for each person in each specific circumstance. These are some ways to support a grieving friend:

Acknowledge that grief is a long and tiring journey and that you will support them every step of the way. 

Avoid platitudes like, "everything happens for a reason." These remarks may serve to further isolate the grieving individual. 

If someone they love died, name their name. Don't avoid mentioning the name of the person who has died. 

Take the initiative to reach out to the grieving person. It may feel overwhelming for them to consider initiating a conversation, or even responding when you do, but offering support without expecting a response can be hugely supportive in reminding the person they are not alone. 

Listen without advising or judging. 

Coping Skills 

Talk with someone you trust. Sharing thoughts and feelings with a trusted individual can ease feelings of isolation and more clearly understand our emotions. 

Engage in physical touch. Pet your dog or cat, hug a friend or sibling,  or hold the hand of a loved one. Physical touch can cause our brains to release oxytocin, a hormone that reduces stress. 

Find a way to laugh. Humor can minimize the ache of grief for a moment and remind us of the joy we will someday feel again. Try watching your favorite movie or listening to a podcast or comedian that makes you laugh. 

Volunteer. Donating your time to a cause that you hold dear, or that reminds you of a lost loved one, can redirect your focus onto something bigger than yourself. 

Spend time outdoors. Being outside in nature and the fresh air can be hugely relieving. Try taking a walk or laying on a blanket to watch the clouds pass by overhead. 

How to Help a Grieving Friend

Just be present. Drop off a care package with your friend's favorite candy or a note. 

Offer to help with specific tasks. Instead of asking, "How can I help?" Ask, "Can I walk your dog on Tuesday morning for you?" 

Set a reminder for specific dates. If your friend mentions a date, like their lost loved one's birthday, set a reminder on your phone so you'll remember. Text them and let them know you are thinking of them on days that might be particularly hard. 

Let them be sad. Sad is not bad. Don't try to fix someone's sadness, it could feel minimizing. 

Say their name. Don't avoid talking about the person who died, use their name in conversation. It is important for your friend to know their loved one will not be forgotten. 

Here are some examples of what to say and what not to say. Don't let concern for being awkward keep you from offering support to a grieving friend. 

Parents, Caregivers, and Teachers

Understand their individualized experience. Just because they aren't reacting the way you expect or see their friends reacting, does not mean they are having an abnormal grief response. As with adults, the experience of grief is highly individualized and there is no "right" way. 

Many teens will want to grieve collectively with their friends. Endeavor to provide space and encourage connections with between your teen and their friends. 

Grief is not linear. Be prepared for them to take one step forward then two steps back. 

Support by asking open-ended questions. Listening to their response without judgement is key. 

Normalize difficult feelings. Share your own experience without belittling theirs. Allow yourself to cry in front of your child or student. Tell them about a time you felt overwhelmed by grief. Validate their emotions. 

Consult professionals. If you are concerned about your teen or student, schedule a check in for them with the wellness center. Let them know it is okay to talk to a mental health professional about their feelings. We ALL need help sometimes. If you are their parent or caregiver, consider consulting your primary care provider or a therapist if they seem to need support.