WRA II HELPFUL HINTS

• too many of you are using personal pronouns like "we" and "us". Replace these pronouns with common nouns.

• don't use the word "things"... replace it with a more specific word.

• too many of you are stating... "there are some people...". GET MORE SPECIFIC. Which people exactly? radical, moderate, liberal, fascist, communist, classical liberal, welfare capitalist... etc!

• don't abbrievate unless you have used the word/term once before. The United States of America (USA)...

• spell out numbers

• if you have a thesis that is to "some extent", you must draw a line... meaning you must detail explicitly to the reader what that extent is. Otherwise, you are just wishy-washy.

• don't use slang, cliches or colloquialisms (see below)... write formally.

• when you have completed a body paragraph, ask yourself... does the information, details and evidence in this paragraph help to PROVE my thesis statement?

• do not use too many arguments. Pick two to three or so and detail your main points. Some of you are using four or more arguments and your essay is getting too long and redundant.

• use the word STATES instead of SAYS.

• use the word documentary instead of movie (if you are referring to documentary) and film instead of movie (if it is a movie)

EXEMPLAR #1