Big Boy

by David Sedaris

IT WAS EASTER SUNDAY in Chicago, and my sister Amy and I were attending an afternoon dinner at the home of our friend John. The weather was nice, and he'd set up a table in the backyard so that we might sit out in the sun. Everyone had taken their places when I excused myself to visit the bathroom, and there, in the toilet, was the absolute biggest piece of work I have ever seen in my life--no toilet paper or anything, just this long and coiled specimen, as thick as a burrito.

I flushed the toilet, and the big boy roused around. It shifted position, but that was it. This thing wasn't going anywhere. I thought briefly of leaving it behind for someone else to take care of, but it was too late for that--before leaving the table, I'd stupidly told everyone where I was going. "I'll be back in a minute," I'd said. "I'm just going to run to the bathroom." My whereabouts were public knowledge. I should have said I was going to make a phone call. I'd planned to pee and maybe run a little water over my face, but now I had this to deal with.

The tank refilled, and I made a silent promise. The deal was that if this thing would go away, I'd repay the world by performing some unexpected act of kindness. I flushed the toilet, and the beast spun a lazy circle. "Go on," I whispered. "Scoot! Shoo!" I claimed a giddy victory, but when I looked back down, there it was, bobbing to the surface in a fresh pool of water.

Just then, someone knocked on the door, and I started to panic.

"Just a minute."

At an early age, my mother had sat me down and explained that everyone has bowel movements. "Everyone," she'd said. "Even the president and his wife." She'd mentioned our neighbors, the priest, and several of the actors we saw each week on television. I'd gotten the overall picture, but, natural or not, there was no way I was going to take the rap for this one.

"Just a minute!"

I seriously considered lifting this monster out of the toilet and tossing it out the window. It honestly crossed my mind, but John lived on the ground floor and a dozen people were seated at a picnic table ten feet away. They'd see the window open and notice something drop to the ground. And these were people who would surely gather round and investigate, then there I'd be, with my unspeakably filthy hands, trying to explain that it wasn't mine. But why bother throwing it out the window if it wasn't mine? No one would have believed me except the person who had left it in the first place, and chances were pretty slim that the freak in question would suddenly step forward and own up to it. I was trapped.

"I'll be out in a second!"

And I scrambled for the plunger and used the handle to break it into manageable pieces, all the while thinking that it wasn't fair, that this was technically not my job. Another flush and it still didn't go down. Come on, pal. Let's move it. While waiting for the tank to refill, I thought maybe I should wash my hair. It wasn't dirty, but I needed some excuse to cover the amount of time I was spending in the bathroom. Quick, I thought. Do something. By now, the other guests were probably thinking I was the type of person who uses dinner parties as an opportunity to defecate and catch up on his reading.

"Here I come. I'm just washing up!"

One more flush and it was all over. The thing was gone and out of my life. I opened the door to find my friend Janet, who said, "Well, it's about time." And I was left thinking that the person who'd abandoned this man-made object had no problem with it, so why did I? Why the big deal? Had it been left there to teach me a lesson? Had a lesson been learned? Did it have anything to do with Easter? I resolved to put it all behind me, and then I stepped outside to begin examining the suspects.

LESSON - Types of Conflict: Human vs. Self

One of the oldest and most compelling types of conflict we encounter in stories is man vs self. Man vs self – or person vs self – is a staple of tragedy in particular. In tragedy, a character’s ignorance, arrogance or other trait often leads to downfall.

What is man vs self conflict?

Man (or person) vs self is conflict where a character is their own adversary. This may be the primary conflict of your story – the main obstacle your character has to overcome. Or it could be a secondary conflict that adds extra tension to your primary conflicts.

Person vs self conflict is intriguing because characters who are flawed ‘works-in-progress’show complexity. The growth (or spiraling) that many of us experience sometimes in our lives. This type of conflict is compelling because of the uncertainty it creates. Will the character overcome their flaws or destructive patterns? Self conflict is suspenseful because the antagonist – the ‘shadow’ self – is always present.

source: NowNovel

QUESTION #1

Explain why this is a Human vs. Self conflict. Use evidence from the text to support your answers.

LESSON - Theme Statement

Theme is also sometimes known as the "main idea" of a story.

But how do you find the theme of a story? And how do you write a theme statement?

To write a theme statement, follow these 3 steps:

Pick the main topic addressed in the story
Pinpoint the author's view on the topic
Format that perspective using a theme statement template

Let's dive a little deeper:

Finding the theme of a story using topics

After you're finished reading the book, story, or essay (you did read it, right?!), think back on the main character or characters.

Did they undergo some kind of change throughout the journey? Did their outlook on life evolve in some way?

That's usually a pretty good place to start looking for the theme.

Another good place to start is by picking a general topic that the story tackles, and then figuring out on which "side" the author ultimately comes down.

For example, maybe the story deals with the broad topic of "love." Well "love" by itself isn't a theme, but a specific perspective on love could be.

Try this exercise once you've found your topic. Fill in the blank:

"This author believes _____ about (topic)."

In our example about love, maybe the story's about how love conquers all. Or maybe it's about how love is fleeting and fickle.

Your theme at this point might look something like this:

"The author believes that true love doesn't really exist."

(A little dark, but hey, it's just an example!)

Using a theme statement template

Don't include specific characters or plot points. This perspective on life should apply to people and situations outside the story.
Don't be obvious. "War is bad," is not a theme. Dig a little deeper using details from the story. (What specifically is bad about war? How does it negatively impact the characters or the world of the story?)
Don't make it advicey. "You should always be there for your family," isn't a theme, it's a suggestion. Keep your theme statement objective and based solely on evidence from the story ("The bond between family can overcome any obstacle.")
Don't use cliches. "Once a cheater, always a cheater," or "Actions speak louder than words," aren't themes. They're just expressions people use all the time and have very little power or real insight.

Here is a general template you can use based on what we learned above:

"The central theme of (piece of writing) is ___(author's position on topic)___."

Alternatively, you could try: "In (piece of writing), (author) presents the idea that (position on topic)."

You may also be asked to use supporting details from the story to back up your theme statement. In that case, your full theme statement might look something like this:

"The central theme of (piece of writing) is (author's position on topic). When (event from the story) happens, it results in (blank), which demonstrates (some element of the theme)."

You're going to have to tweak and adjust this based on how much detail the assignment calls for and which examples from the text you choose to use, but it should be a good starting point!

Theme statement examples

OK, so what does it look like in action?

Here are some example theme statements from stories you're probably already familiar with (I'm doing these mostly to demonstrate how to use the template. I hope you'll put a lot of thought into your own theme statements and play around with different ideas before committing to one) :

In 'The Dark Knight Rises', Christopher Nolan presents the idea that true heroism requires complete and utter selflessness.
The central theme of 'Finding Nemo' is that fear is sometimes more dangerous than danger itself.
In 'Romeo and Juliet', Shakespeare presents the idea that love is more powerful than hate.

source

QUESTION #2

What is the theme? Write a theme statement (a complete sentence about a life lesson the author intended to share) using one of the templates provided in the lesson. What quote in the short story supports your theme statement? Hint - watch the video below for additional help.

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