Why Australia Doesn't Exist

2/11/2019

Why Australia Doesn’t Exist

The Cadet Gazette unearthed the biggest lie of all, and it’s Australia. That’s right: The “land down under” is more nonexistent than the Amish Space Program. Although there has been considerable resistance to the acceptance of “AustraliaGate” from the Mainstream Media and the general populace, many people are rising out of the matrix and speaking up.

Australia as an Absurdity

From its Seussian eucalyptus to its outlandish marsupials, Australia is more absurd than its nickname, Oz. But is Australia too absurd to exist?

“Yes,” says an anonymous scientist. According to said scientist, who has a BA in Political Science, Australia’s alleged life forms are elaborate and fantastic lies propagated by Hollywood and the BBC to thrill and intrigue the gullible masses.

“Take the silly ‘kangaroo’, or any other marsupial,” he says, “its gestation is impossible--the whole concept of a fetus somehow magically ‘developing’ in a ‘pouch’ cannot happen. The ‘pouch’--which separates a fetus by a relatively thin strip of skin and fur--does not provide the protection that layers of fat, muscles, and the uterine wall would.” The political scientist hastened to add, “No biologist worth his salt would accept such a fallacy.”

“And the trees? The rainbow and upside-down and potato trees of ‘Australia’ are obviously the stuff of sensationalist children’s books,” the seasoned botanist concluded.

Australia As an Impossibility

Not only is Australia in itself absurd, its existence is impossible. Taking into account that the world is a globe, and Australia’s position on its underside, Australia should fall off.

As for gravity, it is a well-known fact that gravity only works on apples, (first discovered when an apple fell and struck the head of Sir Isaac Newton). If other continents, such as North America, do not fall off, it is because of the moderately high apple-to-land-ratio in those continents. In the instance of North America, for example, its secure hold on the globe is ensured by the thriving apple industry in the northeast, although some areas, like California and Alaska, have a more precarious hold due to the low apple-ratio there. Other continents that have a low apple-ratio, such as Africa and South America, are connected to continents that do, or are on top of the globe and so do not fall off. But Australia is connected to no continent and has a low apple-ratio.

Thus, since Australia is on the underside of the globe, unconnected to any continent, and has a low apple-ratio, if Australia existed then it should fall off. The only way Australia could exist is would be if the earth was flat.

Furthermore, Australia is an outmoded concept--its name means, essentially, “Southern Continent”, but Antarctica is the southern continent, not Australia.

Australia: The Shaky Foundations

Most people do not realize that until relatively recently Australia was just a theory. During the 1700s, scientists and explorers alike debated the existence of a “Southern Continent”, and if it did exist, what lands it encompassed. Eventually, after repeated “discoveries” of Australia, Australia was universally accepted as a continent. Or so the narrative goes…

While Australia is under the critical lens it is necessary to put in question what lands, exactly, are purportedly in “Australia”. In fact, this was one of the central ideas in the early Australia-debate: Did “Australia” take up most of the Indian Ocean like a bloated sore? The new islands being discovered--were they islands at all or part of the coastline of a larger landmass?

So why is this relevant if “Australia” does not exist? Although Australia itself does not exist, many lands--especially nearby islands--are commonly mistaken for “Australia”, such as New Guinea or New Zealand. For example, Abel Tasman, seventeenth-century Dutch sailor, discovered New Zealand and claimed to have discovered one of the shores of the “Southern Continent”; by extension, according to the alleged location of “Australia”, Tasman’s claim would have identified New Zealand as an Australian shore. This is crucial to remember when taking into consideration the indefinite boundaries of what is considered “Australia” and how AustraliaGate is perpetrated.

Australia: The Perpetration of a Lie

How does one lie about the existence of a continent, one that is supposedly populated by millions of people and has been “documented” untold times?

The Flat Earth Society, although wrong on most things, provides an answer: The people of “Australia”--or, rather, internet comments and social media accounts--are computer-generated. That’s right: They are robots.

Although this information is insightful, it does not explain the 7.4 million tourists that visit “Australia” annually.

The explanation is simple--it’s not “Australia”. Instead, all the world’s airlines have been cooperating internationally to deliver gullible tourists to South Africa.

Although most tourists think that they are going to “Australia”, an international flight map suggests the truth. When tourists from central Europe attempt to go to “Australia”, they must first stop at Johannesburg, South Africa. Why not a straight flight? To reiterate, there is no “Australia” to which one can fly. (Those tourists who are not aware that they are in South Africa are blindfolded and restrained.) Thus deposited at Johannesburg, the tourists are then stowed away somewhere deep in the African bush--”Sydney”. (Despite the fact that the other airlines also perpetrate AustraliaGate in the same way, it is only the Air France and Lufthansa airlines that somewhat honestly report their destinations.)

The “Why” Behind the Lie

So, “Australia” does not exist, and its nonexistence has been successfully disguised since its invention. But why? Why would anyone bother to claim a continent exists when, in actuality, it does not?

At first, considering the vast, little-explored areas in which Australia supposedly inhabits, as well as the difficulties of seventeenth-and-eighteenth-century navigation, it must have been easy to accept the existence of a “Southern Continent” that was really a composite of different lands. With time, however, it would become apparent that that was all “Australia” was--a composite of different lands and islands. But, to reiterate, why continue the deception?

The journals of the voyages of Captain Cook--the widely accepted discoverer of “Australia”--became wildly popular after they were published and serialized. The public eagerly waited for news on Cook’s latest voyages and adventures. Even so early in the history of AustraliaGate there must have been great external pressure to provide the public with sensational news of this fictional land. This presence of Australia in the media is called the “Marketing of Australia”.

The Marketing of Australia continues to the present day. Think of Australian wildlife documentaries and Crocodile Dundee, or vacations to the fabled land. In other words, “Australia” is popular and generates much money.

Conclusions

In sum, Australia is ridiculous, Australia is impossible, Australia is ill-defined, Australia is an international fabrication project, and Australia is lucrative. To quote Lincoln: “You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.” And so it is for AustraliaGate.

Works Cited

Guru, The Airline. “The Hub: Routes, Terminal Maps and Fleet for Lufthansa.” Travel Codex, 11 Dec. 2017,

www.travelcodex.com/hub-routes-terminal-maps-fleet-lufthansa/.

Wallis, Helen Margaret. “Abel Tasman.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., 9 May 2018,

www.britannica.com/biography/Abel-Tasman.

Williams, Glyndwr. Captain Cook's Voyages: 1768-1779. Folio Society, 1997.