Banter or Bullying?

RECOGNISING BANTER

Recognising and appropriately engaging with banter relies heavily on both verbal and nonverbal cues. Given the often-contradictory nature of banter, these cues are crucial, as they can easily be misread or misused.

Verbal cues

Tone of voice is an important consideration when it comes to banter, and this can help people understand whether something is meant in jest.

Verbal communication can be received and understood differently depending on where people put emphasis on words. For example, saying “I know you like him” (with emphasis on the word ‘know’) or “I know you like him” (with emphasis on the word ‘like’) could change the perceived meaning of the sentence.

Non-verbal cues

A large proportion of our communication is dominated by non-verbal cues such as includes facial expressions, body language and physical touch.

For the person on the receiving end, these non-verbal cues are important to understand whether something is intended as banter: for example, the comment might be accompanied by a familiar and/or friendly physical gesture. These non-verbal cues should be reciprocal, and if the person on the receiving end seems unhappy or uncomfortable, that should send a message to the other person or people involved that they may need to adjust their behaviour so as not to overstep the mark, or potentially apologise for any unintentional harm caused.

What about the online world?

Using these visual cues in online banter can go wrong because they rely on the audience interpreting their use in the same way as the sender. For example, an emoji needs to be understood to mean the same thing by both the sender and receiver, or the person who is the subject of a meme might not be ‘in’ on the joke. It should be noted that some emojis or other graphic/visuals can have different meanings from one young person to the next, and can have very different meanings for young people than for adults. For example, one study showed that while some emojis such as ☹️and 😡 were rated as having a single meaning (sad and angry respectively), 🤦 had 13 meanings and 😟 had 25.

Additionally, emojis or other visual online cues could be misused to mask intent or downplay the significance of a comment.

It’s important to remember that some people might find cues more difficult to understand and interpret for example neurodiverse young people.

There is usually no tone of voice or body language present in online communication that can be used as cues to help understand the meaning or intent behind what is being shared. Instead of body language, visuals such as emojis, GIFs or memes are used online to signal humour or other intent, replacing non-verbal cues like body language. Initialisms such as ‘jk’ (just kidding) or ‘lol’ (laugh out loud) are another way to signal meaning when communicating online.

THE LINE OF ACCEPTABILITY

Data from Nottingham Trent University found that 62% of teachers agreed or strongly agreed that there was a fine and subjective line between banter type and bullying type behaviours.

Understanding where this line of acceptability lies is important when engaging in banter. This means understanding what is and isn’t acceptable as banter, such as knowing which topics are acceptable to banter about, or who is acceptable to be involved in the banter.

Since we are all different, this line of acceptability for banter will look different to us all and can change depending on our emotions and situations. In fact, even though we may have a good idea about our own lines of acceptability, sometimes we may not know exactly where our line is until someone crosses it.

Friendly banter is fun, right? But what happens when it crosses that line and is bullying in disguise?

1. Think before you speak. Would it be funny if someone said the same things to you?

2. Don’t pick on someone’s insecurities, that’s a low blow.

3. Be aware whether someone is clearly not enjoying the ‘banter’. If they’re not, STOP!

4. Don’t laugh along if you’re not finding it funny.

5. Saying something is ‘just banter’ doesn’t mean it is. There’s a line, don’t cross it.’

Can they think of examples where they’ve witnessed this, or been on the receiving end? How do they think someone on the receiving end may feel? Ask them to shout out some examples.

The ways banter may become bullying

1. Topic of the banter – topics that are sensitive, personal, appearance-based, or use offensive language are often considered not appropriate to joke about as banter.

2. The relationship with the person – banter is more likely to be received positively by people or friendship groups that you know and are close to.

3. Where the banter is happening – if the banter happens in more public settings or includes individuals beyond a friendship group, then this is more likely to be perceived as bullying. This is because of the potential loss of control of information and if more people hear the banter, they may repeat it in future or join in.

4. Whether the banter is repeated – if the banter is repeated many times, then it may stop being funny.

5. The intent behind the banter – is the intent to cause harm, discomfort, social division/exclusion, or public embarrassment? We often use verbal and physical cues to signal intent, but these may be harder to understand in the online world.

6. The size of the audience – as group size increases the acceptability of banter may decrease. Different social groups (e.g., close friends, family members) may have different values and rules, meaning that banter could be interpreted differently.

7. The reactions of the target – if the person receiving the banter feels uncomfortable, regardless of the initial intent, the banter may be perceived as bullying

8. Interpreting the online world – in some cases the meaning of our wording online and use of emojis, memes and gifs, can be ambiguous or may be used to try to pass bullying behaviour off as banter.

REMEMBER: Sometimes the target of the banter may downplay the significance of the comments: this doesn’t mean that they’re not hurt by it, nor does it minimise the impact it has on them.