I'm worried about a friend - Help!

Concerned about someone you know? Worried about their mental health and/or behaviour? Here are some tips to help navigate the situation.

Talk to your friend about your concerns:

1.  Plan when you are going to approach your friend; choose a time and place to meet that is private, quiet and comfortable. It is generally better to meet with the person one on one to avoid overwhelming them. Try not to raise your concerns when they may be feeling angry, emotional, tired, or frustrated. 

2. Discuss your concerns with the person in an open and honest way, aiming to be non-judgmental, respectful and kind.

3. Try to use ‘I’ statements that are not accusing, such as “I am worried about you because”, or “I’ve noticed that…” rather than ‘you’ statements such as “You are making me worried”.

4. Avoid blaming anyone (your friend or their family) for the problem, and avoid making assumptions about the reasons why.

5. Explain that their behaviours indicate there is a problem that needs help, and probably professional attention.

6. Let them know you are raising your concerns because you care and want to support them. Reassure the person that they are deserving of help and your friendship or love, and let them know you want them to be healthy and happy.

7. Offer to assist them in getting the help they need, but be careful not to overwhelm the person with information and suggestions, or make promises you can’t keep.

8. Be aware that you may find it tough to listen to what they have to say, especially if you do not agree with what they are saying about themselves.

9. However they react, it is important that you stay calm.

10. Remember that you don’t have to know the answers. You are there to raise your concerns and to provide support, not to fix the problem.

How will the person react?

Be aware that your friend may react in a variety of ways: positively or negatively.

For example, they might feel relieved that someone has noticed they are not coping and speak openly about what is going on for them. Alternatively the person might become defensive, tearful, angry or aggressive, and deny there is an issue. It is also possible that the person may need time to absorb your comments and concerns, or have a delayed reaction.

However your friend reacts, be aware that it may take more than one conversation to get them to hear you seriously. 

What if the person reacts negatively?

If the person reacts negatively it is important not to take their reaction personally. Avoid arguing and try not to express disappointment or shock. Resist the temptation to respond with anger as this may escalate the situation. Instead, be willing to try bringing it up again at another time.

What if my friend admits they need help?

Tell your friend that you are really proud of them. Encourage them to speak to a trusted adult, whoever they feel most comfortable with eg:

• Parents

• Year Advisor

• SSO

• School counsellor

• The Head Teacher Wellbeing 

• Their GP

Who can help them get the support they need.

What if they wont accept help?

If you are concerned about the safety and wellbeing of your friend please raise your concerns with a trusted adult. Any of the school staff listed above as well as your Deputy Principal can provide appropriate support and check on any safety concerns. You can also call the Kids Helpline 24 hrs a day. Reachout also has some helpful tips https://au.reachout.com/articles/what-to-do-when-someone-doesnt-want-help.

Please visit the Helplines and Online Support Services page for more information.