THE BUGS STUDENT NEWS
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OSA ANNOUNCEMENTS: NEW BUGS ONESIE AVAILABLE AS A UNIFORM OPTION!
OSA ANNOUNCEMENTS: NEW BUGS ONESIE AVAILABLE AS A UNIFORM OPTION!
NEWS JUST IN: Mr. Tim has taken the whole 6th grade to an abandoned island to simulate the biome project. Now, there is no sign of any students along with their teacher even after 3 weeks of searching.
The only thing we have as a clue is a text from Mr. Tim before his phone died, which read, “HELP, things are looking really bad, the quiet students turned out to be monsters causing the demise of everyone but them, pls send some HELP. We have already lost 67 students to the dinosaurs…PLEASE."
He was last seen online on an island in the Bermuda triangle. We have tried to send multiple teams but once they go in they never seem to come out.
Reports from Florida state that a piece of metal from the multiple helicopters have washed up on shore showing a large bite taken out of it--too big to be any know animal on Earth.
If any information is known, we urge you to please call: 1 (800) 951-3532
NGSS Addresses Laptop Shortage by Planting Laptop Tree
NGSS Addresses Laptop Shortage by Planting Laptop Tree
By Mr. Teddy
After repeated complaints from students about broken laptops, students in the National Green School Society (NGSS) decided to use their gardening skills to help. “We just finished planting potatoes. You cut up a potato, plant the parts in the ground, and they grow into new potato plants.” says Daisy Mitchell, a leader in NGSS. “We had heard a lot of complaints about broken laptops, so we figured this could be a sustainable source of laptops.”
NGSS students took 3 broken laptops, cut them into several pieces, and planted each in the garden. “Normally trees take longer to grow than other plants, so I think it might take a couple of years before they produce laptop fruits.” says Izzy Wolff, another NGSS leader. “Laptops need a lot of metal, so we added extra compost so the laptop trees have enough nutrients.”
When asked to comment, BUGS Technology Wizard Perla said “I’m not sure that’s gonna work” and requested that students “don’t bury technology in the ground.”
Bugs’ 6th Grade Students Do an Honest Hard Day's Work at a Fast Food Chain and Get Paid Minimum Wage
Bugs’ 6th Grade Students Do an Honest Hard Day's Work at a Fast Food Chain and Get Paid Minimum Wage
By Isaac Ramos
On Monday, Mr. Kidd took all the 6th grade cohorts to the local McDonalds. “For today, all of you will work at a fast food place and get paid minimum wage,“ he told them.
The kids furiously protested against the hard labor.
Student Jayden from 601 asked about the pay, saying, "how much do we get paid here?!"
According to Isaac from 603, the students were only paid 3 cents per hour. Allegedly, Mr. Kidd stated that this is a livable wage for kids in this age group, thus being their equivalent of a minimum wage.
Jayden asked, "WHAT WORLD ARE WE IN?!?!"
In response, Isaac could be heard saying, "We are in hell, get over it" with a frown on his face.
NOW WE ARE GOING BACK TO WHERE MAD DUCKS RULE BUGS BODEGA...
W April Activities!!!!
By Baxter Bell
Frozen Cereal: Pour a bowl of cereal and milk the night before and freeze it. Serve it in the morning and watch as their spoon bounces off the surface.
Googly Eye Invasion: Stick googly eyes on every single item in the refrigerator—from the milk carton to individual eggs—so they’re all "staring" back when someone opens the door.
The "Brown-Es": Tell your family you’ve baked a fresh batch of brownies, but instead, present a tray of the letter "E" cut out of brown construction paper.
Short-Sheeting the Bed: A classic camp trick where you fold the top sheet back up toward the head of the bed so when the person tries to slide in, their feet hit a "wall" halfway down.
Non-Lathering Soap: Coat a bar of soap in clear nail polish and let it dry. When someone tries to use it in the shower, it won’t produce any suds.
Autocorrect Madness: Access a friend's phone settings and add a "Text Replacement" shortcut so that common words like "yes" automatically change to "maybe" or "bananas."
The Shower "Soup": Unscrew the showerhead and place a chicken or beef bouillon cube inside. The next person to shower will be very confused when they start smelling like soup.
Cream Cheese Deodorant: Remove the actual deodorant stick and replace it with a molded block of cream cheese. It looks almost identical when applied.
Ducks took over the BUGS Bodega??!!
Ducks took over the BUGS Bodega??!!
By Jayden Molina
In an effort to keep kids safe, the school announced that the BUGS Bodega will be closed so the ducks can go to MS 442. While this is happening, we have suggested to stay in any classrooms that are not next to the main office.
As we speak, they are making a duck army to invade the gym, all of MS 442, and the cafeteria for food.
If you want to try to stop them, follow these instructions:
Get grapes/seeds
Make a wall with desks
Let them invade MS 442
Get a little kitty pool with warm water
Hopefully this will distract them so we can leave the school.
Now, back to us working in McDonalds...
OP-ED TEASER: What does Trump Identify as?
By Auggie Miller
Welcome to the 5th publishing of the year!!!!!!!
This publishing, I will be covering one of the most heated debates at this school: What does President Trump identify as? In this teaser article, you will learn what the school thinks about Trump's identity. Just as a sneak peak, here's some statistics:
People who think that Trump identifies as an ego-inflated rotting pumpkin with cheetoh dust make-up: I
People who think Trump identifies as the bane of human existence: I
People who think Trump identifies as a straight up orange: III
People who think that Trump identifies as a cheese ball: I
People who think that Trump identifies as a wrinkly orange tomato: I
People who think that Trump identifies as a mango: II
The scores are in! Trump identifies as a straight up orange! I hope you have enjoyed this publishing, Adios!- A.D (Not short for A.C.D.C.).
Google Creates New Pickle Flavor Only for F.B.I.
Google Creates New Pickle Flavor Only for F.B.I.
By Enzo Reynolds
Google has made a new dill pickle flavor called the Google Pickell. It can only be consumed by Fungi, Bacteria, and Invertebrates (FBI).
On March 16, 2026, Google dropped it on the ground and the FBI ate it right away. We interviewed a bacteria on the site, named Bacteria. “It is so good and I cant stop eating," he said.
OSA Introduces Level 5 on Proficiency Scales for Students Who are Able to Defeat Their Teacher in a 1-1 Subject-Specific Duel
By Mark Burton
You know, I think it's all summed up in the title.
After feeling bored and annoyed, students who were consistently performing at a Level 4 in our proficiency scales complained to the OSA. The OSA decided to introduce a Level 5, where students can 1v1 their teachers in a subject battle. If you win, you will get a 5. If the duel ends in a tie, you get a 4.5!
Although, there is a dark side. If a student happens to lose, they are force-fed durian, a stinky fruit from Southeast Asia that reportedly tastes like garlic, cheese, and caramel.
"I look forward to students taking advantage of this opportunity to test their ability in this exciting challenge. Bring your A-game, I'm not going easy on you." says Mr.Teddy.
Are you gonna stick with your 4, or take the risk? Choose for yourself, but don't tell me I didn't warn you!
Penguins: More Than Fuzzy Featherballs, Secret Masterminds Revealed
By Hazel Sherman
Remember those adorable, waddling birds we know and love? Well, they just turned from fuzzy to fierce.
A team of explorers, naturalists, and penguin enthusiasts embarked on an expedition to better understand the penguin way of life. ¨It really is shocking, and amazing, and kind of scary to see how these birds communicate,¨ says Bob T. Builderman, a renowned naturalist from Lirpa Sloof, a small town in the U.S.
On the first day of the expedition, explorers placed a small recording device on a penguin's neck hoping to uncover traditional penguin communication. After just 6 hours, the scientists had recorded much of what appeared to be a complex language of squeaks, hissing, and chirping in various patterns. ¨It was actually an amazing discovery, but we soon realized is that we had just barely scratched the ice.¨
The next day, explorers went to the nest site, and found something groundbreaking: scratched into a small rock, was, as the team called it, ¨A penguin rosetta stone,¨ comparing English and Roman dialects to ¨penguinese.¨ After this discovery, they rushed back to the research camp so they could analyze their previous recording to see what it said. Here we have a piece of the transcript, simplified into commonly used words:
Penguin 1: ugh, bro I'm so over these humans. They can't go more than like, 50 years without starting a nuclear war. And as if that's not enough, they are also melting our home! They think they're so tough, but that is one of many mistakes they make.
Penguin 2: Yes! Has the grand council sent back a reply so we can prepare our forces for takeover?
Penguin 1: Yes, they have, and guess what else? We finally got an alliance with the vultures! Their queen is already preparing warriors for us!
Penguin 3: This is all very good, but we must be careful. Some of the youngsters, only a few months in age, spotted some of the humans near our nesting sites, attempting to inspect, maybe steal, our eggs. Should they decode our language, we do not want them to know of our plans.
Penguin 4: I will gather the rest of them to provide updates, and tell them to stay alert.
Penguin 1: And I will issue a warning to keep children under an extra careful watch, so they won't stumble upon the humans again.
Penguin 3: This is all very good. Soon the world will be ours.
As anyone can clearly see, the human species is under great threat. After this discovery, scientists packed up camp, placed long-distance recording devices around the nesting sight so they could keep tabs on the penguins, and then hurried off. ¨We were kind of in a state of both panic and shock, and no one really knew what was going to happen, or how to feel about it,¨ says Wowerau Gnillaf-Sihtrof.
Once the team arrived back at Lirpa Sloof, they reanalyzed the recording, finding that, unfortunately, there were no translation mistakes, and alerted everyone they knew about the crisis. Despite our current predicament, the scientists have worked nonstop and done tons of research, and published a short list of defenses, and ways to keep yourself safe.
Please note: all of these strategies are experiments and have yet to be proven successful:
Befriend a leopard seal: This is easy! Just find someone willing to fly you a plane to Antarctica, bring 50,000 pounds of chicken nuggets, and be prepared for the cold (freezing!!) waters ahead.
Diguise yourself as a penguin or vulture: This is by far the most cozy option! First, buy a penguin fuzzy pajama onesie, cover your floor with ice cubes, and perform your best wiggle dance lying on your stomach. This is definitely the most Broadway-worthy acting choreography ever!
Go to the penguin leaders and beg for mercy: This one is pretty straight forward. Be careful about puppy eyes, though, as we are still unsure of the penguin’s feelings on puppies. Just beg and look innocent. Bribery helps too!
Show the penguins you, your family, and friends are on their side: The penguins mentioned anger because we have melted their homes, captured them, hunted them, and more. Heck, they deserve a little payback! (well, more than a little). Try raising money for organizations that help penguins, putting up flyers to raise awareness for the species, participating in beach cleanups, and encouraging friends and family to get involved too! These are all ways to help and make peace with the penguins while still seeming mentally sane!
Well, thanks for reading! I hope you found this article informative and intriguing! For a special extra, scroll down a lot!
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April Fools!!!!!!!!
Please don't hate me, but everything in that article was a work of my somewhat crazy imagination! (to my knowledge)
However, it is true that you should show support to penguins!
Now, I hope you enjoyed this special April Fools edition of Hornet Headlines and want to read more! Remember, new stories are always buzzing! Haha, enough of my catch phrases, have a good day and thanks for reading!
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