By Smith

The building seems to have shrunk

Or maybe I’ve just grown

I doubt it though

I feel just as small as I was back then

I’m hoping that maybe someone will

Pluck me from where I stand

and return me to the car

And to my home,

I don’t want to confront 

These people who I’ve betrayed

I spent my life here

And yet I don’t belong

I wonder if I’ve ever belonged

Screams and cheers

Erupting around me

Balls bouncing

Kids running

Tears falling

One two three four

I declare a thumb war

Five six second eight

I hate you so much you stupid little child why couldn’t you have been who I wanted you to be why’d you have to grow up to be the person you are why can’t you just be good why can’t you just do well why can’t you just do some good you’re just an annoying little nuisance you’re still the same person but in a different body you pretend you’ve changed but no you haven’t and you never fucking will.

Everyone evolves

Everyone changes

Yet why do I feel like I haven't changed

I long for the days when my only worry was 

Dodging the ball at recess

Yet I am so happy to no longer

Be living in those days

And to have changed

Because what if the girl

From then

Saw the me 

From now

What would she think

I've changed

And so has everyone

Well, almost everyone

There are people who haven't

At least I haven't noticed them changing

They're exactly who everyone expected them to be

I’m exactly who everyone expected me to be

I don’t think I’ve changed that much

The little girl named Olivia

Would never fathom where I am right now

I wonder how she will react

When she grows up to see me

Staring back at her

In the mirror

The dim lights

The scuffed floors

The small classes

The cleaning solution

The familiar faces

Oh how I long for those days

And yet

I cant even make eye contact with them

They look at me

Greet me

With open arms

And I turn away

And shield myself

Confrontation scares me

It's hard to look someone in the eyes

When your betrayal still resonates through your body

And leaves a bitter taste in your mouth

You tuck your hands in your pockets

To hide the red that stains them

You close your mouth to hide

What you really want to say

You say you're loyal

But we all know that's a lie