SAFETY IN THE CONNECTED AGE
Enforcing positive habits and moral online behavior with tools you already have at your disposal
by Mr. Alex Cormier
Is it possible to live chastely when negative images inundate our lives?
Where are your kids right now? Do you know who your child is talking to online? What material is your son consuming when you're not looking?
Anyone who grew up in the 2000s is familiar with these questions; perhaps you yourself were on the receiving end of such accusations from an overly-concerned parent. Those then new-fangled crazes of instant messaging and MySpace was confusing to most adults, leading to time-honored refrain: "parents just don't get it".
That's not to say those worries were misplaced: the Internet makes conversation and consumption—both good and bad—more accessible than any point in human history.
That accessibility has only gotten greater since the 2000s. While the dangers have increased, so have the tools parents and guardians have at their disposal to keep their children safe. However, what most adults are painfully aware of is that their children simply know more about the connected devices in the home than they do.
How can blocking sites, limiting usage, and monitoring activity be done when my son will simply bypass it?
All things are possible with God... and a little help from this article.
The Problem at Hand
Before we discuss any method, we need to be honest with ourselves: a kid who is determined enough to bypass restrictions, blocks, and watchdog software will do so.
"The most important thing for the parent to do is to take a direct approach", says Ms. Cheryl Reine, Director of Guidance at Archbishop Shaw. While it may be awkward, initiating the conversation with your child can help them to understand the difficulties and struggles they are facing. "It’s important that [you] sit down and talk about this. [You're] seeing this from a different perspective than [them]."
If it is difficult to have begin that conversation, Ms. Reine suggests seeking out a trusted adult. "Find another person...that they have a trust [and a] bond with: a community member, a coach. Someone that the parent knows will give them genuine feedback."
This doesn't mean that this effort is all for naught, but setting clear expectations and having the space for genuine dialogue must be in place before anything else.
To better understand what each of these methods, steps, and tools are accomplishing, we need to understand some basics when it comes to how Internet connections in the home occur.
How Internet Enters Your Home
Internet enters your home through an Internet Service Provider (ISP). Your ISP allows you to connect to the World Wide Web (WWW), the inter-connected network of servers and client computers throughout the world. An Internet connection is established by use of a modem; whether cable or DSL, the modem modulates and demodulates a signal between your ISP and your home.
Most modern modems are known as modem gateways, meaning that the task of the modem and router (the equipment that routes this connection to all of your devices) are combined into one.
Your modem gateway or your stand-alone router will route this connection over a hard-wire connection (ethernet) or wirelessly (Wi-Fi). This connection is what allows your computers, cell phones, and other Internet-connected devices in your home to access the World Wide Web.
Seems simple enough, but the pieces of the puzzle for deciding which method is best have only just been laid out; now we must discuss how undesirable content can be accessed.
For the most part, your standard home Internet connection has no restrictions on the kinds of sites you can access. So long as you know the address and the address can be resolved (found) by your ISP, you can navigate to it.
To restrict access to pornography, violent content, and other sites, you would need a way to manually block all of these addresses. With an estimated 1.7 Billion websites currently active on the World Wide Web, you better have a lot of time on your hands.
Thankfully, most of the tools we will discuss do this job for you. These filters are constantly improving, meaning that keep your children safe is not a losing battle.
Your ISP uses the Domain Name System (DNS) to convert alphanumeric addresses (archbishopshaw.org) to an IP Address (66.172.32.65). If the DNS is not able to resolve (or find) the IP Address for the given alphanumeric address, you'll receive an error such as this:
There must be a way to get in between your connected devices and your ISP's DNS, right? It is possible to substitute your ISP's DNS with one of your own.
It's important to note that some ISPs make this difficult or block this functionality altogether. Many modem gateways block this functionality on a software level. The ISP uses their DNS not only to resolve addresses but to monitor the sites you go to online. So replacing it could have a two-fold benefit. Information on how to do so using such devices as a Pi-Hole can be easily found online.
Some of the major ISPs in our region offer their own suite of parental controls. The benefit of using these tools is that setup is often designed to be as easy as possible. This also comes with the added benefit of being a home network-wide solution: any device that connects to your home network will adhere to these restrictions.
For those whose ISP does not offer parental controls and you are able to enter advanced settings into your modem and/or router, it is possible to specify your own DNS.
OpenDNS
One solution is a DNS offered by Cisco Systems called OpenDNS. OpenDNS has many features and can be configured to view usage stats and more. However, Cisco offers a pre-configured DNS option known as FamilyShield. Cisco promises that you simply "set it and forget it". Setting up OpenDNS is relatively easy and Cisco provides useful guides to help you. You can find the setup guide at opendns.com/setupguide.
With FamilyShield in place, when you attempt to navigate to any adult website, the DNS will not be able to resolve and return an address.
One important thing to note is that you should set a very strong password on your modem and/or router to prevent any changes to these settings.
Clearly, while we've tried to make this as simple as possible, it is anything but. Setting up a DNS does take some work. There has to be an easier way, right?
Parental Control on Smart Devices
In the age of the smartphone, there is. The two major smartphone platforms, Apple's iOS and Google's Android, offer tools you can use to help not only block content but even limit usage.
Due to the nature of Android, this can be bypassed if a kid is tech-savvy enough. On iOS, it is much more difficult.
We'll start by discussing the offerings on Android.
ANDROID & GOOGLE FAMILY LINK
Depending on the model and manufacturer of your Android device, parental control offerings may be baked right into the phone itself. Usually doing a search in the main settings app can show what is available.
However, if you're looking for Google Account-level control, Google themselves offer an app called Family Link. According to Google, Family Link "lets you set digital ground rules to help guide [kids] as they learn, play, and explore online" (Google). Family Link can track activity, location, and even limit screen time. More information can be found at families.google.com.
You'll notice that the Google Families site also offers the ability to share Google services that your family may share. Instead of paying for multiple instances of a music streaming subscription, for example, you could share one subscription for multiple devices. These family-linked accounts are powerful yet underutilized for many big-tech accounts.
APPLE ID & SCREEN TIME
The same goes for Apple: Apple IDs can be linked together into family groups called Family Sharing. Doing so makes setting up their parental control tools much easier and effective. More information can be found at support.apple.com/en-us/HT201088.
In iOS version 14, Apple introduced a suite of tools called Screen Time. These tools are baked right in to the operating system. Apple promises that Screen Time "lets you know how much time you and your kids spend on apps, websites, and more" (Apple). Screen Time works by using a passcode that cannot be easily reset unless you have access to the main Family Sharing Apple ID.
CovenantEyes
Despite all of these tools, you can't monitor everything your children do online, and the addiction to explicit, graphic imagery and content is beginning at younger and younger ages. If this becomes an even larger issue than simply limiting screen time and usage in your household, tools such as Covenant Eyes can help.
Covenant Eyes is a suite of software for a number of computing platforms that allows more in-depth supervision of your child's activity. Not only does the software block websites, but can even use AI to analyze what's currently on the screen and notify you if something explicit has been found.
Covenant Eyes also offers a list of resources that parents can use to help have conversations centered around pornography, sending or receiving sexually explicit images, and even reflections from noted Catholic speakers on the topic of chastity. More information can be found at covenanteyes.com.
Other Resources
While tools are helpful, arming yourself with the knowledge necessary to combat harmful online content is even better.
The Archdiocese of New Orleans offers a number of resources that can help parents to better watch over and talk to their children.
CLEAN HEART ONLINE
Clean Heart Online is a website that offers literature, groups, and contact information for ministers who can help address you, your child's, or your family's concerns around pornography. Visit cleanheart.online/nola for more information.
CATHOLIC COUNSELING
The Archdiocese of New Orleans offers family and individual counseling and therapy services that honor and respect our Catholic faith and incorporate your spirituality into the healing process. More information can be found at nolacatholiccounseling.org.
PRAYER
Perhaps the most important component that needs to be included in this conversation is the role of prayer in you and your family's spiritual life. We often hear stories of older generations gathering together in the evenings and saying their prayers as a family. These days, we rarely even eat meals together at the same time.
Despite how hectic our lives can become, it is imperative that we start good habits in the family. Daily communal prayer can be an important part of solidifying familial bonds and resisting worldly temptation.
Protecting our families from the temptations that can be found online is not an impossible task. Indeed, it is our duty as Christian parents and guardians. Arming yourself with the knowledge and tools necessary can help families to build trust and keep lines of communication open (even for those most awkward of conversations). Ultimately, pursuing lives of holiness cannot be achieved unless we entrust our families to the intercession of the saints and our Blessed Mother.
"The only thing we have to ask God for, in prayer, is the desire to be holy."
-Blessed Carlo Acutis
Mr. Alex Cormier is the Theology I educator at Archbishop Shaw. He attended Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge, LA receiving a Bachelor of Arts in English and a certification in Philosophy from Saint Joseph Seminary College in Covington, LA.