There is a lot happening in our world right now. Many of our children have been watching the news or may have overheard adults discussing George Floyd; the peaceful protests and rallies; and the violent incidents occurring across our country. Regardless of how much our children do or do not know about these current events, we are now learning just how important these conversations are.
As parents and educators we have a shared responsibility to support our children's emotional needs and curiosities and to arm them with the education and empathy to make the world a better place. I have compiled some resources below that I hope can offer some guidance in approaching these conversations with your child in a developmentally appropriate way. Should you find that you and/or your child needs additional support, please do not hesitate to reach out to myself or another trusted adult at school.
Child Mind Institute- Racism and Violence: How to Help Kids Handle the News
Child Mind Institute: Helping Children Cope with Frightening News
Resources for addressing race and racism with young children
A Template for Helping Law Enforcement Families during Troubled Times
Read Aloud: A Kids Book About Racism- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnaltG5N8nE
31 Children's books to support conversations on race, racism and resistance
23 Books that teach young kids about Diversity, Inclusion & Equality
Mix Your Skin Color With Paint https://www.scholastic.com/teachers/lesson-plans/teaching-content/activity-plan-all-our-colors/
Skin-Color Match-Ups: Set out a number of nylon knee-high stockings in various shades, tan, black, white, pink, yellow, and red. Encourage children to try them on their hands and arms or their legs and feet. Ask questions to help the children increase their awareness of skin color. For example, "Can you find a stocking that is the same color as your skin?" Or "What color is that stocking you have on your arm?" Ask the children to "Try the _________ stocking. Is it lighter or darker than your own skin?" Tell the children no one's skin color is really white, pink, yellow, or red. Emphasize that skin-color differences are interesting and desirable.
Sometimes children want more information than we are able to share or that we actually know. Here are some phrases that might help.
“It sounds like you are sad” (angry, confused, frustrated, etc).” (affirming feelings)
“I don’t know the answer to that.” (if you don’t or if you are not sure: then focus back on feelings)
“It’s hard when we don’t know all the facts.” (truth telling but not stating more than we’re able to tell)
“We have to respect the privacy of those affected.” It’s not our news to tell and people will share their news in their way and in their own time.
“There are a lot of ways to feel and they are all okay.” Sometimes you might feel one way and then you might feel another way later on.
“There is no one right way to feel or to act after someone dies.”
“What would you like to do right now (who would you like to talk to) that might help?”
Supporting by Listening Through Grief, Loss, or other strong emotions
Most often, what people want most is someone to talk to about their experience:
Someone to care
Someone to really listen
Someone to lean on or cry with
How to let people know you are listening
Actively listen when someone needs to talk: turn toward the speaker, speak calmly, listen more than speak, summarize, reflect.
Make eye contact if appropriate and strive for a warm facial expression
Listen more, talk less
Your compassionate presence is more important than your words.
Try not to interrupt.
When you do speak, do it in a calm, warm tone
Label, summarize, and mirror the feelings the other person is expressing.
Do ask questions to clarify.
Things NOT to say
I know how you feel.
Let’s talk about something else.
You should work toward getting over this.
You are strong enough to deal with this.
I know how you feel. (But it’s okay to say, “I feel sad too.”)
You’ll feel better soon.
You need to relax.
Also, don’t judge. Questions like “Why?” and “Why not?”and evaluating the worth of what someone else did or didn’t do don’t help.
Behaviors to Watch ForChildren may show some of these behaviors immediately or days, weeks, or even months after an incident.
Shock/denial
Restlessness, anger, aggressive behavior
Sleeping or eating difficulties
Headaches, tummy aches, body aches
Withdrawal
Sadness, tearfulness
Poor concentration
Unexpected fears and worries
Acting younger than their age
School avoidance
Helpful LinksLinks are from Center for Racial Justice in EducationInterviews/Advice from Experts:
Talking to Children after Racial Incidents from the Penn GSE Newsroom
Supporting Kids Of Color In Wake Of Racialized Violence from EmbraceRace
Tips for Parents on Media Coverage from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network
Talking to Children about the Shooting from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network
An Activity Book For African American Families: Helping Children Cope with Crisis from the National Black Child Development Institute (NBCDI) and the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD)
10 Quick Ways to Analyze Children’s Books For Racism and Sexism, Council
on Interracial Books for Children
Talking to kids about discrimination, American Psychological Association
What White Children Need to Know About Race, Ali Michael and Eleonora Bartoli
Talking to Kids about Racial Stereotypes – Tip Sheet, Media Smarts
Resource Lists:
Resources for Discussing Police Violence, Race, and Racism With Students by Evie Blad
Teaching About Race, Racism and Police Violence from Teaching Tolerance
100 Race-Conscious Things you can Say to your Child to Advance Racial Justice from Raising Race Conscious Children
Talking to Kids About Racism and Justice: a list for parents, caregivers & educators from the Oakland Public Library
Resources for Educators Focusing on Anti-Racist Learning and Teaching from the Early Childhood Education Assembly
A Collection of Resources for Teaching Social Justice, Jennifer Gonzalez.
60+ Resources for Talking to Kids About Racism, Lorien Van Ness
Talking About Racism And Bias: Resources For Parents And Caregivers, Children’s Alliance
Racial Justice Resources for Families, Massachusetts Conference United Church of Christ
Talking to Children About Race and Ethnicity, Institute for Learning & Brain Sciences
Discussing Difficult Situation with Your Children, National PTA
Articles:
Talking to Kids about Racial Violence, by Haig Chahinian
The Conversation We Must Have with Our White Children by Courtney E. Martin
Little Pitchers Have Big Ears: Helping Children Deal with Tragedies by Cabinet of Curiosities LLC
Talking to Kids about Current Events and Conflicts from Lee & Low Books
How should teachers and parents talk to kids about police violence? by Emma Brown
4 Things We Should All Teach Kids About Racism Right Now by Mia McKenzie
In the Turmoil Over Race and Policing, Children Pay a Steep Emotional Price by Yamiche Alcindor
too great a burden to bear by Sabrina Joy Stevens
What White Children Need to Know about Race by Ali Michael and Eleonora Bartoli
Teaching Tolerance: How white parents should talk to their young kids about race by Melinda Wenner Moyer
5 Tips for Talking About Racism With Kids by Sasha Emmons
Race Talk: Engaging Young People in Conversations about Race and Racism by Anti-Defamation League
Here’s How To Raise Race-Conscious Children by Erin Winkler
Your 5-year-old is already racially biased. Here’s what you can do about it by Andrew Grant-Thomas
Talking to Children About Race, Policing and Violence by New York Times
Why I teach my 2-year-old about race by Michelle Acker Perez
It’s Never Too Early to Talk About Race by Sarah Butler
Black Parents in Baton Rouge on How They’re Talking to Kids about Police Brutality by Taryn Finley
Talking with Kids about Racism is an Act of Kindness and and Act of Freedom by Emma Redden
Books:
31 Children's Books to Support Conversations about Race, Racism & Activism
Books about Racism and Social Justice by Age: Common Sense Media