Often, what triggers the brain's production of the neurotransmitter chemicals that cause the body to react to anxiety and fear can be subconscious or hidden from our knowing minds. This makes one feel even more out of control and fearful (more fear chemicals flooding the mind and body). This reaction is found in the sympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic system is the part of our bodies that helps combat those chemicals and body sensations.  What we hope for is to help people acknowledge the fear/anxiety response so that they can use strategies to trigger this calming system to start doing it's job in the body. 

There are several types of anxiety disorders. The length of time the anxiety has persisted and strength of the symptoms helps doctors/therapists determine if people are experiencing normal anxiety, or if the anxiety has developed into a disorder that might need some support to help get through. Some types of anxiety disorders are listed below, however please remember, most anxiety is healthy and only temporary in children. 

• • Generalized Anxiety Disorder

  • Social Anxiety Disorder

  • Panic Disorder

  • Phobias

  • Separation Anxiety

  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

While school counselors are not set up to provide therapy in a school setting, there are many strategies taught in class or through short-term individual sessions that can help not only for anxiety, but also other stressful times in life as well, like really being able to ignore something so that it doesn't stick to our hearts and minds causing more pain or things in the news cycles that make us concerned. Some of the tools/strategies covered in counseling classes or in individual sessions, along with a few addition strategies, are listed below.

• Talk to a trusted adult. Often, children add to their anxiety response because they want to be a helper and please adults. They truly feel they do not want to worry the adult that belongs to them or cause that person the same feelings they are experiencing. Having more than one resource/person to talk to helps promote talking through feelings. 

  • Play a board game or sport with your child and let the conversation happen naturally if your child has problems just sitting down to talk. 

• Asking open ended questions (questions that cannot be answered with a one word response) to your child may help bridge the gap. Instead of "how was your day" maybe, "Tell me something you thought about today". Granted, children are great at finding one word responses, but add " tell me more about that" or changing the question to something else like, "What did your teacher teach in science today?" opens the door to conversations. Other examples of questions might be:

  • What did you try and fail at today? How did that make you feel? (make sure to talk about how failing means they tried which is amazing!). 

  • What went awesome today?

  • Who did you compliment today? What did you say?

  • In math today, what concept was covered? Tell me more about that?

  • Use habit 5 "Seek first to understand, then to be understood" to restate in a factual manner, without adding a personal opinion or story, what your child said so that your child hears back what they said (in your own words) and knows you were listening and are trying to understand. We have practiced this in class to help students grow healthy friendships and be able to then say what is on their mind without fear of feeling judged or like they have to change their beliefs. It is okay to have different thoughts and feelings about the same topic. 

    • We as grown ups want to "fix" the pain of our children, anxiety can be so strong that the "fix" is just listening and letting them process to find their own peace with the fear. "I hear you saying you are worried about....." without giving a "fix" allows the child to feel in power and control. 

      • Children want to learn how to solve their own problems.  This keeps them from asking for someone to listen to them. 

• Visualization (finding our happy place and taking a few moments to recreate a mind movie of every detail). This can be done with or without writing down or drawing every detail. 

• Lazy 8 breathing: using your finger on the table, leg, etc or pencil on paper draw the number 8 laying down. Breathe in to the left (or up on your leg), pause in the middle and release the breath on the other side. If your pencil or finger is moving fast, slow this down. (See picture below)

• 6 sides of breathing like a hexagon, breathe in....hold....breathe out...breath in...hold....release. (See picture below)

• The hidden scrunch - starting with our toes, allow the body to tense up until all of our muscles are tense, except the face (ie hidden). Still breathing and maintaining a calm facial expression, then letting the body relax. Now, check to see what parts of the body are still tense and focus on relaxing each one, one at a time to release the tension. 

• Drawing out our thoughts - just brainstorm whatever we are feeling in the moment then talking about what stands out most

• Journal (this can be words, stories, or drawings) about whatever is on the mind. This is not homework and should not produce more stress to "get something down". Allow the mind to also list happy things or everyday things. 

• Calendar how often thoughts are happening. Encourage children to note both positive and negative feelings and time of day if possible. This can be a very useful tool to talk about what is going on and also if you do seek outside of school medical/counseling support will help your person understand what is going on in your child's emotional mind. 

• COPING SKILL SPOTLIGHT: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 GROUNDING TECHNIQUE

  • HOW TO DO IT:

    • This technique will take you through your five senses to help remind you of the present. This is a calming technique that can help you get through tough or stressful situations.

    • Take a deep belly breath to begin.

      • 5 - LOOK: Look around for 5 things that you can see, and say them out loud. For example, you could say, I see the computer, I see the cup, I see the picture frame.

      • 4 - FEEL: Pay attention to your body and think of 4 things that you can feel, and say them out loud. For example, you could say, I feel my feet warm in my socks, I feel the hair on the back of my neck, or I feel the pillow I am sitting on.

      • 3 - LISTEN: Listen for 3 sounds. It could be the sound of traffic outside, the sound of typing or the sound of your tummy rumbling. Say the three things out loud.

      • 2 - SMELL: Say two things you can smell. If you’re allowed to, it’s okay to move to another spot and sniff something. If you can’t smell anything at the moment or you can’t move, then name your 2 favorite smells.

      • 1 - TASTE: Say one thing you can taste. It may be the toothpaste from brushing your teeth, or a mint from after lunch. If you can’t taste anything, then say your favorite thing to taste.

      • Take another deep belly breath to end.

• Think of your favorite things

• Name animals alphabetically (alligator, bear, cow, dog, etc…)

• Squeeze Something (play dough, clay, silly putty, your fists, a stress ball)

• Get a Cold Drink of Water

• Do something physical

  • Take a walk

  • Practice a sport you like (basketball, soccer, volleyball, tennis, base or softball, dance, gymnastics, the list goes on and on)

• Listen to music that makes you feel calm and happy

• Read a book for 15 minutes

• Spend time with a family pet

  • Tell your pet how you are feeling or just sit in the moment and try to feel what your pet is feeling

• Cry without guilt for crying

• It is important to hear and remember that worrying about the "what if" will not make that thing happen, or prevent it from happening - but it will make the present feel overwhelming and can lead to suffering. Use logic to think through the statistics of whether the "what if" thing is a likely or unlikely thing to occur.

• Positive self-talk: remind yourself that you are safe and chose something you are good at to think about for a few minutes. 

•  Provide ideas of how we all can be in control in the now, this includes helping children list things they are in control of right now.

  • Standing up

  • Brushing teeth

  • What we eat

  • What we watch

  • What exercise we get

  • Focusing on the positive 

  • Do something nice for someone else

  • Make the bed

  • Clean out the closet

  • Practice one thing for basketball, soccer, dance etc. 

  • Create a happy thoughts/memories jar, pull out the pieces of paper and reread when you need an emotional boost 

• Reduce screen time, children are watching and listening to too many things in our world that are causing them stress. This learning about but not having the power to do something about the problem intensifies feelings of helplessness. Children also tend to "you-tube" or research things and start fearing they have something wrong that doesn't apply to their situation.  

• Children are naturally curious about the adult world. Reassure them that they are safe and what they are doing right now is what is important, help them live in the moment. 

This page is not meant to diagnose or replace conversations with your medical provider about anxiety. Determining  what is normal stress and the need for extra help is a family decision. If you believe your child may suffer from an anxiety disorder, a great place to start seeking help is with your family doctor. He or she can help make referrals as needed to outside counselors if more intensive therapy is needed.