Hello pursuers of comedy.
Sorry I'm sick. And sorry for the snow. We missed a whole week of funny.
For today, you have two things to accomplish. First is to edit the three paragraphs below. They were taken from some of your punny articles. There are lots of errors (I added a few myself), but especially the quotations and dialogue are very improperly handled. The first part of your assignment is to edit the three paragraphs. If you do not know how to punctuate dialogue, look it up on the internet, in a book, or ask your advisor. Or, if I am your advisor, you are probably screwed. Sorry.
The second part of the assignment is to write the most sarcastic letter possible. One example is a fake letter of praise (Dear Mountain Dew, I absolutely love how your product erodes my teeth. I have always said, "I hate my teeth. Oh how I wish I had some holes in them." And that is the exact service your product provides. Now I have a convenient little mouth pouch to hide small objects in. It is so convenient! Not only that, but I get to see my dentist more, and she is totally hot. Thanks Mountain Dew. You're the best! Sincerely, Tim.)
Some things to note: Letter should look like a letter. Letter should be at least 3/4 a page (12 pt font, double spaced). To make sarcasm really work, you have to be careful. When read straight, the words should literally mean what they say. When read with the correct intonation, however, the audience picks up that in general you do not mean what you say, but rather mean close to the opposite. "You, Tim," says the reader, "do not actually like those holes in your teeth. I'm on to your game!" So true, and yet I continue to drink it.
This should be placed in the bin on my desk (2nd floor) by the end of the day. No partner work. Do your own you lazy bums. If you need more letter ideas, click on Fictional Letter.
Here are the three paragraphs. Note: This was a problem across the board with our last assignment - not just these three. I picked these three because theirs were, though grammatically erroneous, actually funny. These too should be in my bin.
1) I gathered the employees and said "Let's roll out of here" but they just loafed around.
2) We were very excited, Said CEO Harry Richard. Back in June they were still trying to get the project up they were doing anything to get funding. It was hard, a top executive was overheard saying.
3) Mrs. Conda told us she was inspired to open the clinic when she noticed how many pregnant dogs were littering the streets. I just couldn't believe how many puppies were littering the streets" Anne said softly. "So you made this decision without any prior thought"? I asked her unexpectedly "Yes I mean the sad sounds they made were heartbreaking" She barked "Had you ever helped animals before this point" I asked historically.