Supermassive Black Hole Simulator

Post date: 13-Dec-2016 18:49:06

Game By: Herman S.P.N Sausagy-Chippleton

Reviewed by: Simon Ferré

Supermassive Black Hole Simulator, hereafter referred to as SBHS does sound like the sort of jaw dropping excitement that is required in the lead up to Christmas, so I was settling down to get excited in anticipation of a real treat. Oh how disappointed I was going to become.

Here's the rather badly organised title screen, rife with terrible word wrapping, odd leading paragraph spacing, and strange copyright date, and the author hasn't even created a custom character set:

I couldn't get to play the game at first as hitting 1 didn't do anything. Eventually I re-read the email I was sent to find this snippet of useful information by the author:

"Instructions - to play, ignore in-game text and instead press 2 to start.

Follow in-game prompts."

Ah, right. Ok, bonus points for the confusion I suppose.

Predictably, there's no escape from a supermassive black hole, so therefore, there's only one conclusion to the game - a horrible death, but it's all badly spaced, doesn't clear from one section to the other, there's not a lot of sound effects, and there's no graphics whatsoever.

Looks like this was hashed together in 5 minutes while sitting in the throne room. Stick that up your double barrelled surname and smoke a chipolata :-)

I could go on, really I could, but I'm afraid you'd all be asleep in mere seconds, and by the time you woke up two hundred years would have passed by. I almost decided not to include the tape file in the review, but that would be unfair. I have to share the utter boredom around at Christmas, and this game has plenty to give out.

Score: 0 (that's a big fat hole) out of 1 (conclusion to the game).