by Dave Zornow
Published in the Cynopsis:Weekender, 11//30/06
I’m not sure why I invited Victor, the TV station sales manager, Carolyn, the spot cable seller and Michael, the CPG client to Thanksgiving dinner. It didn’t work out the way I had planned.
First, the turkey that Victor brought was 20% smaller than last year. When I asked him what happened he mumbled something about the new LPM recipe (low power method) he had tried.
Carolyn didn’t do much better with dessert. Instead of bringing four dessert portions, she came with forty. And each serving size was smaller than expected creating additional post-meal operational overhead (she claimed that multiple small portions are just as tasty as one big dish).
But the festivities screeched to a stop when we went around the table and shared the things for which we were grateful. Michael just stared at his plate and said nothing.
“What’s wrong?” asked Carolyn. Michael looked like he was ready to cry. “I’ve lost my faith,” he said. The table gasped. Then Michael added, “In television.” With that, everyone around the table began to cry.
Michael said that he’s been searching in vain for a spiritual renewal. “First I joined the Sainted Spirits of Eternal Engagement. But I didn’t like it very much. It never made any sense to me and the basic beliefs seemed to change every time we had a prayer meeting.” Carolyn and Victor nodded knowingly.
“After that, I started following the word of the Right Reverend of ROI,” Michael said. “But the commercial ratings thing turned out to be a scam to reduce the potential audience and raise my CPMs. Plus it turns out that the Right Reverend wasn’t so right about who actually saw my advertising. He couldn’t guarantee the people in the room watching ‘live’ paid any attention to my spots. And he didn’t count the 40% who saw my commercials on playback!” A hushed “amen” was heard around the table.
Sensing he was at the end of his wits, Carolyn grabbed Michael’s hand and looked into his eyes. “Michael,” she said, “We’re still with you, and we always will be.” Victor added, “Carolyn is right. We can’t explain why TV works, but we all know that it does.”
Michael, wiping a tear from his eye, looked relieved. “You are right. Advertising *is* a matter of faith. None of us know exactly how it works, but thank goodness that it does.”
And that was something for which everyone in the room could give thanks. ##
Dave Zornow is President/TNG Research, a media research consultancy and applications development company that works with media sellers and research providers.
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