God keeps waking me up in the 5 o’clock hour and I haven’t quite figured out why yet. 

I don’t wake up to alarms or kids, so each day is different. The mornings are my greatest thinking times. Not about worry or what I’m doing for the day, but these peaceful reflections about life in general.

This morning, instead of laying in bed, I decided to watch the sunrise. One of our walls in our living room is just windows, the perfect frame for the beautiful “photos in motion” as the sun brings in a new day. I never want to take a single moment for granted.

Being terminal gives me a certain hyper awareness of all things around me. It’s both a blessing and curse.

The world recently lost someone who too felt this way. Her diagnosis came in February, and her passing, this past Saturday. She shared her journey, as she was willing to do whatever it took to fight to buy more time. We do that sometimes, we live differently than most. Always getting that last memory in, just in case it’s our last. From sunrises to traveling and everything in between. Each month we measure our time through labs, scans and opinions of doctors. Making plans too far out always feels dangerous. Will we get to go, or will we need to cancel. Will we feel good enough if we do go, or just feel icky in a different environment. So living in the present is oftentimes our only option.

Today begins the start of doctor appointments, scans and hard conversations, all of which I’m not looking forward to. But God woke me up to watch the sunrise today, so that’s all the love I need to sustain me today.

 💜