We will use other character strengths to organize supporting strategies to help you exercise and grow your strength of self-control. We grow our strength of self-control by using support strategies and, yes, by practicing self-control!
Task> First, read through all the strategies on your own. Use a pen to underline words that you feel are important. Then go to the bottom and back of the paper to write your understanding of the strategies in your own words. Also, write down what lessons you learned from reading the information! The next step is to talk to your partner about what they learned. Goal> To deepen your understanding of each character strength through personal reflection and collaboration.
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|Emotional Intelligence| Regulating Our Emotions
Go back to the page on Emotional Intelligence to review the materials.
H.A.L.T. - This acronym stands for when we are feeling any or all of being hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, which can lead to less self-control, and possibly our expressing negative behaviors. When we exhibit unhealthy behaviors, the supporting strategy is to stop and review if H.A.L.T. is happening to us. If it is, we step out of the situation and move into a mindful mode by taking deep breaths to focus on our mental and physical state. The following action steps are to deal with our H.A.L.T. needs.
We are eating something to raise our blood sugar levels.
We are doing some calming practices to lower our anger and general emotional state.
We are seeking out contact with a trusted individual.
We are getting immediate rest or planning a whole night of good sleep. Here is more information on this topic.
How can you know and express your emotions in healthy and constructive ways? Here are a few ideas for regulating comfortable and uncomfortable emotions.
Name your emotions by labeling them. "I am feeling ---." Use the Plutchik chart on the Emotional Intelligence page to help you name your emotions.
Spend some time simply writing down how you are feeling. This reflection and seeing your thinking and emotions in words can help with self-understanding.
Create an artwork, song, or media project that communicates your feeling(s).
Have a friend or adult be an active listener with you.
We can feel emotions intensely in our bodies. Sometimes our emotions overwhelm us - even comfortable ones. Our brains, in a way, sometimes stop working, even if we are using self-talk to try and calm ourselves down. These can be times when you need to apply calming strategies.
What are some calming strategies that you currently use?
Here are a few:
Coloring/drawing
Deep belly breathing
Stretching
Counting to ten
Going for a walk in nature
Using a fidget like a squeeze ball
Relaxation exercises like squeezing your muscles and relaxing them throughout your body
Do you have a quiet place where you can go to use some of these strategies?
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|Grit| Stamina to the Task
Go back to the page on Grit to review the materials.
What are impulses? One definition is "a sudden wish or urge that prompts an unpremeditated (unplanned) act or feeling." (Source) Impulses can get in the way of our efforts to stay on task to reach our goal(s). The next question is, "what are some impulses that you sometimes experience?". In other words, what are the activities, desires, or thoughts that easily distract you from being in control? List them. The first step in being less impulsive is simply knowing what distracts you. One big distraction for many is their phone. What can you do to make your phone less distracting, thus lowering your impulsivity?
We use the phrase "stamina to the task" to describe how you exercise your character strength of grit to work on activities and tasks. It would help if you had the stamina to focus entirely and put in the time needed to improve your skills and enjoy completing tasks. As mentioned under impulses, distractions can also get in the way of our efforts to engage our strength of grit, thus lessening our sense of self-control. Another big obstacle is the belief that we can multitask, believing that we can get a lot more done if we do more than one thing at a time. Look to do some web searches about how effective multitasking is. You will find that it could be more effective, which means you take longer to complete your tasks, and in most cases, the quality of your work will decrease. So look to do one task at a time, limit distractions and impulses to have the stamina needed to do your best work. Think about when you sit down to do homework or practice some skills you want to learn. What does your work and practice environment look like? How can you improve the environment to help you have more self-control?
Remember that grit is all about delaying gratification for longer-term benefits. Design a self-talk phrase that can help you remember and apply this. An example might be, "if I do this now, how will it affect me later?". Remember, this applies to both healthy and unhealthy choices. For example, if you drink a sweet drink and have a donut for breakfast, your blood sugar will rise but drop quickly, making you feel tired and possibly cranky. If you put away your phone early in the evening, read a book and go to bed on time, you will feel more rested the following morning.
Procrastination! Procrastination involves self-talk of wishing we didn't have to do what we must or telling ourselves that we just cannot get started. Three common types of procrastination are delaying or putting off unpleasant things, difficult "to do's," and tough decisions. Make a list of everyday tasks and actions you need to accomplish. What do they have in common? Work with a partner to brainstorm a few techniques to help you "put things first," which means taking on high-priority tasks.
Set yourself up for success to complete tasks and more significant projects. Try to give yourself some choice in how you pursue it. If it is a school task/project, work with your teacher to design it in a way to best brings in your in some of your character strengths and skills. These steps connect to your sense of agency - the feeling and knowledge that you are empowered to decide how you live your life. This positive reinforcement builds your work stamina, furthering your engagement with the strength of grit. Self-motivation and confidence grow by earning "wins" due to your decisions.
Be ready for mistakes and failures. Apply the self-talk growth mindset of "OK, I made a mistake or this work didn't turn out as well as I wanted. I am now going to figure out how to get this done!".
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|Proactivity| Regulating Our Use of Time by Planning
Go back to the page on Proactivity to review the materials.
Use self-talk language of "first/then" statements — such as "First I listen to what the teacher says, then I think about what I want to say, and then I raise my hand." What are some situations in which you can use this self-talk strategy?
When planning, think and list more than one way forward. In other words, what are your options? Then think about what are the possible outcomes for each of your options. Decide which pathway works best to then follow through on it.
For small tasks, mentally walk through what you need to do regarding steps and the expected time for each task.
How proactive are you in your spending habits? Do you plan and think about how you spend your money to stay within your budget? Impulsivity can be a problem when you buy items you regret purchasing, whether they cost too much or did not need them.
For big tasks or projects, break them into small work steps leading to positive reinforcement early in the work completion process. It can help to write down a plan with listed steps. As you complete each step, you can enjoy the feeling of accomplishment as you check them off on your plan.
We mentioned planning with the character strength of grit. Let's go even deeper into being proactive planners. Work to predict how much time you will need to complete any task or project. Not managing time well can lead to letting yourself and others down, thus leading to a feeling we have less control over our lives.
Be in charge of how you use your time by using the Timeboxing and Time Blocking calendar appointment-making strategies to make an appointment with yourself. We use timeboxing to make calendar appointments with ourselves to put strict time limits on activities that we fear could take up too much of our time. Time spent on TikTok is one example. Time Blocking is setting calendar appointments with ourselves for tasks and activities that are important and that we want to accomplish. An example might be a school assignment or a personal project like playing a musical instrument. Read more about these two strategies.
Use the Pomodoro Technique to set work time limits followed by breaks. Use either a physical or digital countdown tool.
Use calendars, checklists, and other graphic organizers to help you plan the flow of your day with the tasks broken down into smaller steps. Look to prioritize what needs to happen first, especially if there is a time expectation by someone else. One way to approach this is the "working backward" approach. This is when you see in your mind's eye what the completed task/project looks like. You then work backward, listing the steps and time needed for each step that you need to take. Think of a construction project manager who sees the completion of the building in her mind. She then works backward in her mind mapping out each stage of the construction process and how much time each stage will take. It might look like the Completed Building (four months) < Walls (one month) < Internal Framework of beams and flooring (two months) < Foundation of Cement (two weeks) < Digging a Giant Whole in the Ground (one week).
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|Social Intelligence| Regulating our Emotions and Behaviors Towards Others
Go back to the page on Social Intelligence to review the materials.
Emotions and the behaviors we choose in response to them come together in how we act towards (behavior) and interact with others (emotional and social understanding).
Components of Social Intelligence> Relationship skills and Social Awareness. Go back to the learning activities you did to list the skills needed to grow your relationship and social awareness. Which ones have you been practicing since that lesson? How are they helping you make healthy decisions about interacting with others? Realize that simply being aware of how you and how you see others interact with others help you with your self-control. :)
Active Listening - One of the primary skills you have learned is how to be a better listener. One big lesson about regulating our social responses is to listen more and talk less. The more we listen to seek to understand the other person's ideas and emotions, the more we exercise the character strength of self-control.