I'm new, what advice would you give

The most common questions newbies ask

The most common questions sent to the UB email address are from people who are new, want to get into the scene and are looking for advice.

Our top tips below:

Have a read of the UB Website

FetLife - Tips

The most popular kink website is FetLife: https://fetlife.com/users/sign_in

  • Set up a profile and fill it in

  • Choose an appropriate profile picture
    - not a dick pic or left blank

  • Join the Christchurch Uncommon Bonds Group: https://fetlife.com/groups/38899

  • Think of your safety
    - do not use your real name or show face pics

  • Think of the content and how you wish to be viewed and what you are looking for online

  • Read the FetLife Formatting Guide to help add style

  • Setting up the correct location, this will help you find Events in the NEAR YOU tab

  • If you are being harassed by a user
    - use the BLOCK USER function

  • Set up and review your default Privacy Settings

  • View some tips on setting up your FetLife Profile

Real Life

  • As in the real world being nice and respecting people, goes a long way.

  • We understand some people have anxiety and we would recommend talking to one of our Greeters.

  • Please remember, nobody in UB gets paid, the community supports and helps where possible.

  • In summary - don't be a douch bag.

FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions

How do I find a top/bottom/sub/play....partner?
Set up a good Fetlife Profile, be honest in what you are looking for, be polite, meet people at a Munch, ask questions, help out at events. Be active and be seen.

Why get involved with UB?
Learn from real life people rather than online. Is easier to ask people questions in a safe and skilled environment.

Are there many younger / older people in UB?
UB has a wide range of people aged from 18 - 80+. Hard to say who will be at what event.

Is UB LGBT Friendly?
UB is accepting of all people, no matter how they identify (be it gender, orientation, or interests)

I'm coming to a party, will someone play with me?
Nobody is paid, nobody is forced, nobody is obligated to play with you.
It all depends on how you connect with people and the connections you make in the group. We always advise people to come to a
Munch meet people and take an Orientation & Etiquette workshop, you can then get a feel for the group and start to make friends.

How does UB Work?
There are many different activities:.

  • Munches: these are the second Tuesday of each month they are a social ‘vanilla’ catchup where it’s a good chance to get to know people and chat. We also run through the groups finances, what events have been and what’s coming up

  • Play parties

  • SIGs - Special Interest Groups - there should be a list on the UB website but some include sub SIG, S/M (sadist/masochist), equipment (for maintaining the UB equipment and help with projects), femme dommes, rope

  • Workshops - these are for a specific thing eg electro play or impact. Which is a great way to learn about play and then there’s a chance to try it out.

  • The rope group also has weekly classes.

  • A UB Steering and Ethics Committee oversee group activities.

What do I wear to an event?
Read this article on what to wear for each type of event

What is "Personal Responsibility"?
It is your responsibility to take measures for your own safety and how you conduct yourself

How to I attend/sit an Orientation & etiquette Workshop?
These are available after the formal part of the Munch, held the second Tuesday of the Month.

I want to buys some toys/rope/latex where would you recommend?
Read this article on Kinky Supplies

I have anxiety and worried about attending events?

  1. We would recommend you message one of our Greeters and come along to a Munch.

  2. Please read the Munch information, this explains what happens at the event to help prepare you.

  3. Understand your Personal Responsibility and you have processes in place to look after your health and wellbeing.

  4. Munches are an ideal place to meet people in a public, vanilla location. This is a great starting point to obtain and orientation and make friends.

  5. Like every other group, making friends is your responsibility.

  6. Once you have made friends and know more people, then look at other events like SIGs, Workshops and Parties.

A Note about Local UB Events:

  • These events are run by volunteers

  • Any money made running an event, goes into the UB funds.

  • Our volunteers donate their time and are not paid.

  • Our volunteers are not professional presenters.


  • The UB Admin team are asked for advice on this topic .... a lot!

  • Sometimes we get replies back and other times radio silence.

  • To make it easier for everyone this page was set up, to help give a little guidance.

  • UB Admins don't get paid, they do this to help the community, please be respectful of this.

This page was updated on: 14 July 2022