Conflict Styles

In the 1970’s Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann identified two basic dimensions of behavior:

• Assertiveness is the attempt of the individual to meet their own needs
• Cooperativeness is the attempt of the individual to meet the needs of the other person.

These dimensions are used to define five basic conflict styles:

Competitive: You act to address your concerns and needs without considering the other’s concerns and needs. You use your power, authority, seniority, or status to ensure that you get what you want, often at the other’s expense. Assertive and uncooperative; people take a firm stand and know what they want, they usually operate from a position of power

• Good for emergency situations when there is a need for a fast, firm decision
• This style can leave people feeling abused, unsatisfied and resentful, especially when used in less urgent situations
• Use when:
• A quick, decisive action is vital; i.e. in emergency situations
  • When unpopular actions need to be implemented; i.e. RIF, salary freeze
  • You know you are right (**CAUTION: we often think we’re right and later find out we didn’t have all the information, or didn’t understand the situation)

Collaborative: You work with others to develop a creative or innovative solution that thoughtfully and completely addresses the concerns and needs of all parties involved in the conflict. Both assertive and cooperative; people tend to meet the needs of everyone involved; can be highly assertive, but able to act collaboratively and acknowledge that everyone is important

• Useful for bringing different viewpoints together for the best solution, or when the issues are too important for a simple tradeoff; working for common ground
• Use when:
  • The concerns of both parties are too important to compromise
  • It’s important to understand other perspectives
  • You want to gain commitment

Compromising: You negotiate for an acceptable solution that only partially satisfies the concerns and needs of both parties. You both give up something to reach a settlement, and you acknowledge that neither person will get everything desired. Moderate approach; people try to find a solution that will, at least partially, satisfy everyone; everyone gives a little – win some, lose some

• Useful when the cost of conflict is greater than losing something
• Use when:
  • Two opponents have equal power; i.e. labor/mgmt bargaining
  • You want to have a temporary solution to a complex issue
  • You need to find a solution fast

Accommodating: You address and meet the other’s concerns and needs at the expense of your own concerns and needs. You may ignore your position to avoid damaging your relationship with the other person. Unassertive and cooperative; people are willing to meet the needs of others at the risk of ignoring their own personal needs; highly cooperative; yielding

• Useful when issues matter more to the other party, when peace is more valuable that winning
• Often not the most effective solution – can backfire!
• Use when:
  • You realize you may be wrong; willing to learn from mistakes, allow other points of view
  • When the issue is much more important to others than to you
  • When you want to help employees learn from their mistakes

Avoiding: You attempt to prevent yourself from getting involved in the conflict. You don’t address the concerns of the other person or yourself. Unassertive and uncooperative; people prefer to avoid the problem, ignore the situation, sidestep, postpone, withdraw

• Can be effective when the controversy is trivial, or when someone else is in a better position to make a decision
• Most often a weak and negative approach
• Use when:
  • The issue is unimportant, or you have more pressing concerns
  • When you believe you can’t win
  • When you need to cool people down

Deciding which style to use depends on the situation and your temperament; some situations call for a particular style – even if you aren’t comfortable with it. Don’t depend on one style for resolving every conflict; you’ll come across as inflexible – like the carpenter who only used a hammer…pretty soon everything looks like a nail.

Interest Based Relational Approach

• Make sure good relationships are the first priority; mutual respect, courtesy
• Keep people and problems separate; recognize that the other person is not just being difficult
• Pay attention to the interests being presented; listen carefully!
• Listen first, talk second; understand the other point of view before making your statement

Effective supervisors have the skills to manage the conflict process and turn disagreements into ideas.