- Conflict is more than just a disagreement; it’s a situation where one or both parties perceive a threat – real or imagined
- Conflicts continue to fester when ignored; because they involve threats to our well-being or survival. They stay with us until we face or resolve them
- We respond to conflicts based on our perceptions of the situation, not necessarily to an objective review of the facts. Perceptions are influenced by life experiences, culture, values and beliefs
- Consider that the way you are looking at a problem might be part of the problem itself
- Conflicts trigger strong emotions; if you aren't comfortable with your emotions or able to manage them in times of stress, you won’t be able to resolve conflict successfully
- Conflicts are an opportunity for growth; when you’re able to resolve a conflict in a relationship it builds trust. You’re secure in the knowledge that your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements
Unhealthy responses to conflict:
- An inability to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person(s)
- Explosive, anger, and resentful reactions
- Withdrawal; resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming and fear
- An inability to compromise or see the other person’s side
- The fear and avoidance of conflict; the expectation of bad outcomes
Healthy responses to conflict:
- The capacity to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person(s)
- Calm, non-defensive, and respectful reactions
- A readiness to forgive and forget, and to move past the conflict without holding resentments or anger
- The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing
- The belief that facing conflict head on is the best thing for both sides
Different people have different ideas about goals and expectations; everyone wants their point of view to be heard.
Conflict can be good if people keep an open mind and listen to different perspectives and opposing viewpoints.
What happens when conflict is resolved successfully?
- Increased understanding
- More open communication
- More effective work teams
What happens when conflict is not resolved?
- Conflicting ideas/goals turn into personal dislike
- Teamwork breaks down
- People disengage from work
- Downward spiral of negativity and recrimination
- “It’s not my job”
- Using favorite tools for the job (she KNOWS that I always use that ladle and she grabbed it on purpose)
- Perceived favoritism (Sheila ALWAYS gets the best days off)
- Unclear (does this mean if I have a Dr’s note I’m OK?)
- Misinterpretation (I thought it was only unexcused absences…)
- Unknown (I didn't know, no one told me)
- Discrimination
- Harassment
- Accommodation
Resolving conflict ultimately requires you to interact with employees. The following guidelines, along with your emotional intelligence, can help determine how these conversations will go.
- Be accessible and approachable
- Treat the person(s) respectfully
- Understand the other side by listening (use active listening skills)
- Pay attention to feelings being expressed as well as the words spoken
- Note body language, tone, facial expression, gestures, etc.
- Be aware of , and respectful of, differences
- Culture, language, age, etc.
- State your position clearly; be prepared and willing to answer questions