Hostages to Fortune

Hawk watched his ship's monitors warily.  Flying blind, his viewports closed, he felt somehow maimed because his avian flying instincts were useless as he orbited the great bloated sun. He was subservient to human technology to fly a ship that was as much an extension of him as his own hand.

On his long range scanner, the image of Buck's shuttle paralleling his orbit but at a much wider radius from the enormous sun made him more uneasy.

A human would laugh away such distress, but he could not. His people trusted their instincts as the humans trusted their machines. He flicked on his communications equipment and grimaced at the roaring solar static.

"Buck, Hawk here. Can you hear me over the solar noise?"

"Yes, Hawk, I read you. Getting bored? Monitoring the birth of a nova is slow work."

"No, uneasy. Something is wrong."

"Dr. Goodfellow says there's no way this sun will nova for at least two more weeks. He's been receiving the information from your ship through my booster unit, and he says all data confirms that theory.

“By the way, he says that Ari's doing a terrific job with the equipment aboard my shuttle, and he is."

Ari's shy "thank you" brought a smile to Hawk’s face. 

Buck laughed. "Your kid brother's something else."

"Something else?"

"That means he's special."

"Yes, he is. My unease grows. I suggest we both pull away from the sun and return to the safety of the Searcher. I will not risk Ari's life or yours for a few extra scientific facts. The sun is unstable."

"You may be experiencing some form of solar poisoning. You're closer than anyone else, and Dr. Goodfellow wasn't certain of the solar effects on humans, I mean, beings. I'll check with him. Why don't you return to the Searcher. Ari and I will finish, then we'll follow."

Hawk turned his ship angling it toward the distant Searcher, and slammed it into full acceleration. "Buck, leave now. I beg you. 'Humor me.'"

"You must be concerned if you’re stooping to slang. I'm following. I'll beat you home."

As he saw the shuttle's movement on his scanner, Hawk laughed with relief. "Not in that turtle you fly so badly, Human."

"You're loaded down with equipment. I think we're about even."

According to the scanner, his ship was still closer to the sun, but he was moving rapidly away from the shuttle.

The sun reached out like a great octopus toward Buck's ship.

"Solar flare behind you, Buck!" 

Sick with horror, he watched the shuttle race away from the flare. For a few brief minutes, the shuttle stayed just ahead, then, with one quick dart the flare caressed the ship and vaporized it.

"Ari, Buck," he moaned in despair.

With profound disinterest, he saw a second flare reach out for his own ship.

His body frying, he slumped as his ship melted around him.

#

Tiber Roland smiled to herself as she watched the tall, handsome avian beside her at the controls of her hovercraft. A fascinating collection of opposites -- fierce and tender, courageous and vulnerable, funny and solemn, unself-conscious and maddeningly self-absorbed-- he was that amalgam of opposites that made the superior male, the kind of man women wanted, and the man this particular woman yearned to keep.

At the beginning of this maiden flight, he had been nervous and uncertain, but as his confidence grew, he relaxed and began to enjoy himself.

Now he played with the ship by taking gentle spins, dives, and rolls.

Straightening the craft, he accelerated until the planet landscape beneath them became a multicolored blur. Grinning like a child with a new toy, he finally slowed to a leisurely pace and turned to her. "I like this ship. It is very maneuverable and fast."

"I'm glad. It's yours then. You can fly it as often as you like now. We can do some traveling around the planet now that your health is back. It's a lovely, virgin terraformed world like Earth was before man changed it. That's why I enjoy being here by myself so much. I look forward to showing it to you."

"I am a pilot," he said with pleased decisiveness.

"There was no doubt about that. You were the only person aboard your ship when I pulled it away from the nova. You'd have to be a pilot."

"I realized that, but now I know in my hands too. My head knew I was a pilot, but my hands did not until I touched the controls."

"Loss of memory is like that. You remember all your skills but not how you got them."

"I cannot remember my own name," he said bitterly. "You say it is Hawk, but I do not feel like Hawk."

"From what I could decipher from your ship's records, you are Hawk." She leaned closer to him and rested a comforting hand on his arm. "I have decided that the name fits you. In flight you have the fierce skill of your namesake."

Grinning ruefully, he motioned toward the downy white feathers that covered his head and his newborn pink skin. "I feel more a chick with my down and my month-old memory."

"The adult feathers will return in the next months. As will your memory. Give them both time. It's only been two months since the nova. My regeneration tank accelerated the regrowth of your burnt body during the month you were in a coma after the nova, but your strength, your feathers, and your memory must return at their own rate."

"I wish to force my memory. What if I have a family waiting for me? A mate and little ones? Friends and family who believe me dead?"

"Your ship records say that you were attached to the Searcher -- an Earth exploration ship heading out into the boundaries of the known galaxy. A man with a mate and loved ones would not be aboard such a ship for such a mission," Tiber reminded him gently.

"I understand. But I have to know."

"Perhaps that's a mistake. Perhaps you don't remember because there are things too horrible to remember. There was a time in my life when I would have given anything for what you have now.

"When I touch you telepathically, I sense a depth of grief equal to my own. I beg you, don't seek the source of that grief. Accept your past's disappearance as a gift of God."

Allowing her growing love for him to shine in her eyes and her voice, she smiled shyly. "You are welcome to stay with me. Your future can be with me. We can remain here another month for your recuperation to be complete, then we could travel anywhere that you wish to go. All time and space are open to you now with me. Or we could stay here. We can begin your new life together."

Staring blindly inward, Hawk seemed unaware that she had just offered herself to him and that she had admitted her love for him. "I cannot decide the future until I know the past.”

Slowing the craft to a hover, he gazed toward the forest landscape below them. "These are the coordinates you gave me for my ship. I do not see it."

"It's just beyond that rise. I'll bring the hovercraft in to that tiny clearing."

Contemplating the indecipherable glowing control board of her ship, he nodded gratefully.

"It is rather alien, isn't it?" Tiber chuckled. "My race has a vastly different, more advanced technology than you're familiar with."

"You do not look different from the humans."

"It's what inside that counts. I have a different internal system -- two hearts, for example. My telepathic healing gifts for another.  I have a human grandmother though." She eased the hovercraft to a gentle landing. "We can walk to your ship from here."

Opening the cockpit, she stepped down onto the mossy carpet of the forest clearing.  When he joined her, she gave him her hand. "Are you certain you want to see your ship?"

"I must know my past. Perhaps my ship will be the key to opening my locked memory."

She led him up a small hill and paused. "There it is."

Hawk stared expectantly at where she pointed. Mercifully obscured by the late summer leaves, his ship lay in another small glade in the primal forest. "It is a slag heap!"

"Yes. I told you so. When I spotted you as that sun went nova, I had to act fast. My ship darted in, put a tractor beam on your ship, and ran like hell. I managed to place a mind-produced force field around you. That stopped the physical damage and held you until I put you in the regeneration tank. The ship wasn't nearly so lucky."

Hesitantly, he released her hand, walked down the hill to the twisted pile of melted wreckage, and peered in at the barely recognizable cockpit.

"I shielded the area around you — the cockpit area. My ship android Leos has taken out the ship's computer and specs. We've managed to decipher some of it."

"You say that the ship looked like a great bird of prey."

"Yes. With talons to grasp and shred another ship with. A pilot like you would make it a formidable fighter craft."

He mimicked the action of ripping talons with his hands then shuddered.

"What's wrong?"

"Someone just walked over my grave."

Surprised by the six-hundred-year-old human expression, Tiber studied him.

Almost convulsively, he repeated the talon's vicious rending motion. Soul fear fluttered in his eyes, and he moaned, "Koori."  Falling to his knees, he clutched his temples in agony. "Help me, Tiber. I do not want to remember. Help me not to remember."

Kneeling, Tiber pulled him into her embrace, and her mind touched his to stem the memories, but she was too late. His memories exploded outward like that great nova.

She clutched him tightly and kept her mind with his as his past’s horrors washed over him. She could not protect him, but she would not let him be so horribly alone as he vividly relived his past.

After the memories had reaffirmed themselves, Hawk lay sobbing in her arms on the forest floor. Murmuring words of love and comfort, tears wetting her own cheeks, Tiber rocked him and let him cry for the devastation of his life, and for Ari and Buck.

His life pattern appalled her. Every person he had ever cared for had been taken from him. His mother had died at his birth. His father and his stepmother had disappeared, never to return, on a journey from Throm. His foster parents had been killed when he was in his early teens, then his people were massacred as a race.

Then Koori. He had forsaken love until Koori. She had given him back his heart and taken it away at her death.

In that emotional void, Buck Rogers had taught Hawk friendship, but Ari had taught him to love again. Ari was the brother he had never known existed until just over a year ago. Ari was his half-brother but not half-loved.

With his enormous need for love, Ari had battered at the emotional barricades that Hawk had built after Koori's death, and he’d forced Hawk to feel and love again.

Numbness and despair had left Hawk; peace and a different happiness came.

Now Ari and Buck were dead too. Watching them die in the nova, Hawk had welcomed death as a friend.

She had taken away the victory of death from him, but he had hidden in forgotten memory. Now, even that small victory was gone.

"I'm sorry, Hawk," she whispered, kissing his head. "So sorry."

Stunned and exhausted, he curled limply in her arms.

When he was completely asleep, Tiber carried him to her ship and returned to her solitary home, then had Leos put him to bed.

Each time Hawk woke, he would stare dully at her and not speak. Later that night when she was away from the room, he tried to commit suicide.

#

"Hawk."

Not opening his eyes, Hawk lethargically turned his face away from the voice. He would ignore Tiber as he had for the uncounted eternity since the suicide attempt. There were but a few brief hours left to him. Already, he could feel the cold, chill wings of death brushing his fevered body. A few short hours, and he would be free.

Tiber could not force aid or food on him as long as he was conscious. That would be against her code as a healer. She had stopped the bleeding of his wrists, but she would not defeat him again.

"Hawk." Tiny hands caressed his face, and warm lips touched his.

His eyes jolted open.

Her eyes brimming with love, his mate leaned over his bed. She wore the dusky rose-colored dress she had died in. "Koori!" His hand trembled with weakness, desire, and happiness as he fondled her cheek. "You are not a fever dream. You are real."

"I am real. For this brief space I am real." Sitting down beside him on the bed, she clasped his hands in hers and held them in her lap.

"I am ready to die. Take me to our people. I freely release myself from life." He sighed deeply. "I have missed you so."

"I have never left you. I am not here to release you from life. I am the Koori of your heart, not the Koori of her spirit."

"I do not understand."

"I am all that you remember and have created of Koori. I am your memory of Koori."

"I wish death. Why are you here?"

"I wish you to live. The real Koori would not have wanted your suicide. I do not want your death either. You recognized that truth within your heart, or I could not have come."

"What have I to live for?  You are real this moment, but soon you will be gone as all I have loved have gone. Ari and Buck are dead."

"They do not want you dead either. Suicide is the coward's flight. Koori's mate is not a coward. Her mate is Hawk," she said proudly.

"Even a hawk can be defeated. Cage him, and he will batter himself to death on the bars.

“My cage was built bar by bar by each death in my past. Ari and Buck were the roof of that cage. My wings are broken. I acknowledge defeat. My death is the only freedom."

"Tiber Roland would offer you a door to that cage."

"She is my friend," Hawk agreed.

"You can begin again with her. She can help you find our people on other worlds. That is a reason to live for."

"She could." A trace of hope entered Hawk, but he quashed it. "I will die. Anyone who is my friend or my kin has died. Loving me makes death a certainty. I will not risk another life. Tiber will not follow the others to her death because of our friendship."

"She is doomed already if you believe that, Hawk. She risked her life to pull you away from that nova. You were a stranger then. You are a beloved friend now. She would not thank you for suicide."

"She is remarkably stubborn about letting me die," Hawk agreed with a faint smile.

"You speak of saving others with this suicide. Ask yourself truly. Do you believe that your death will save others' lives? Does your life pattern mean that all will die from love of you? When I lived, you were not so accepting of our people's fatalism. Have you changed so much?"

"That was three deaths ago," he said sadly, caressing her cheek. "I no longer sneer at the philosophy of our dying race. After so many deaths it is easier to believe that the universe can be a dark, ugly and malevolent monster."

Her voice was richly earnest. "Do you believe that?"

He considered a long time. "No. I guess not. I am still the young fool who scoffs at his elders. I cannot completely believe that the universe is so terrible."

"Suicide is a cowardly, selfish act. You are not a coward, nor are you selfish. Live for my sake, and for Ari and Buck. Live for your old friends mourning for you on the Searcher. Live for your new friend,Tiber Roland.”

"I do not know."

"Have you considered the chance involved in your rescue from the nova? You were saved from death by one of the few healers who could restore you to health. Tiber Roland is almost unique in her knowledge and skills.

“You spoke so certainly of the universe a moment ago. Have you not wondered if the universe or Make Make does not have some special plan for you and spared you?

"You are Hawk. You are destined for greatness. You are brave and loving. You do not give up. You do not stop loving. I am proud to be Hawk's woman."

"Your faith in me has never wavered."

"I know you best," Koori replied simply.

"You do. You know that I can refuse you nothing, not even my escape from this life and this wretched cage of mortality."

"That is why I came. The Koori in you would not let Hawk die."

#

Hawk opened his eyes cautiously. The white ceiling of his bedroom at Tiber's house danced with midmorning light and leaf shadow patterns. Willing to live now, if not glad to be alive, he felt clear-headed, physically well, and drained as if from some long illness.

He looked toward the chair that Tiber always sat in by the bed. In the first weeks after he was taken from the regeneration tank, she had always been there any time, day or night, when he woke. When his physical pain came, she was there with her healer's touch and her gentle, consoling words.

Unconscious, Tiber sprawled out of her chair with only her head and arm on the bed.

He summoned Leos with a scream and a buzzer then dragged her onto the bed.

As pale as porcelain, she looked as if she’d been drained of life and all her enormous vitality. Except for faint respiration, she appeared dead.  He stroked her chestnut hair and pleaded with her to open her gray silver eyes again.

Leos, the human-appearing android who acted as his nurse, flew through the door.

Staring in anger and accusation at him, Leos lifted her.

"What is wrong with her?"

Without a reply, Leos stalked from the room carrying her.

Almost half an hour later, Leos returned to tend and feed him. Since he was obviously not going to say anything until he was ready, Hawk lay patiently while Leos removed the bandages from his arms.

His wrists were now healed and unscarred although he had cut deep into the bone to assure himself a fast death before Tiber found him.

Intense blood loss was the one thing she could not cure with her healer's magic. Avian blood was more than rare. As far as he knew he had the only avian blood in the universe, and she had not had enough time to collect any of his blood or to synthesize it.

Somehow, she had defeated those impossibilities, and he survived without even scars to remember his idiocy by.

After cleaning him and helping him change his pajamas, Leos gave him a very large glass of the specially formulated liquid nourishment that Hawk had lived on during his early convalescence.

Tiber had always called the liquid "bird seed in a blender." Hawk had not understood the joke until he had first seen himself in a mirror. As far as his faulty memory was concerned then, he could be human.

He returned the now empty glass of nourishment to Leos. "Now will you talk to me?"

"Tiber is sleeping. She is very weak but not permanently damaged."

"What is wrong with her?"

"She had no avian blood to give you so she gave you her life force. Using her telepathic abilities, she poured her own energy into you. She ‘transfused’ you. By this means, your body's blood-making capacities were accelerated a thousand thousand times. You had lost far too much blood.

“Just to bring you to a minimum blood level she nearly exhausted her life essence. She's in worse condition than you are now because of that."

"I am sorry. I would never hurt Tiber intentionally. She is my friend."

Not placated, Leos glared at him. "I hope you're worth it." Without another word, he left.

When Leos carried Tiber in to visit the next day, she was content just to sit by Hawk for the five minutes allowed her, to hold his hand, and to gaze at him.

Her strong, gentle hand seemed, suddenly, terribly fragile. Her silver eyes were dark with the knowledge of both their near deaths, yet glowed with the light of something gained that was of inestimable value.

After Hawk had thanked her for risking her life, not for saving him but for risking herself, Leos came back in to carry her to her bed. Her chestnut hair brushed Hawk's face as she bent kissing his cheek with her cold lips, and Leos took her away.

It would be several weeks before Hawk would once more wake hearing her sing as she worked in her flower garden outside his windows.

#

Hawk fidgeted nervously in his flight seat beside Tiber. Her large space yacht, the Helios, was but a tiny toy behind them. The hanger doors of the Searcher loomed open before her shuttlecraft.

"I dread this," he admitted.

She clasped his hand, squeezing it. "There are many memories on Searcher," she agreed. "We can turn around now. The people aboard don't know you're alive yet. I just told them who I was, that I needed to talk to them, and that I wanted to board. We can turn around now."

"No. It is best that they learn I live.  I must face my past before I can go on. I will tell them I live, then I will leave with you to search for my people." Hawk tightened his grip on her hand. "You are a good friend, Tiber Roland. I thank you."

Silver pain flashed in her eyes. "You're welcome. Hawk." She pulled away and concentrated on landing her craft inside Searcher. The outer bay doors closed, and the area re-pressurized. She stood up. "Ready?"

"Yes." He straightened his best tunic and brushed ineffectually at his down that was now badly rumpled by newly emerging adult feathers. "Do I look all right?"

Tiber grinned at his nervousness and said playfully, "You are magnificent. They will not be pleased when I take you away."

"They are my friends. They will not force me to stay," he said soberly. "Go first, please, and warn them."

"Wouldn't want any happy heart attacks," she agreed. "Give me a couple of minutes and come out."

Hawk nodded and peered out the port hole of the exit. "They are here. The distinguished man in uniform is Admiral Asimov. The elderly man in the sweater is Dr. Goodfellow. The tall, beautiful woman is Col. Wilma Deering."

"Got it. Give me a couple of minutes and come out." Tiber let him step out of sight of the door, opened it, then she walked out to give his friends the good news.

He paced for the required several minutes then slipped out of the exit.

Asimov stared in glassy-eyed shock at him, and Wilma was statue still, but her mouth dropped open.  Goodfellow had not seen him yet and was talking to Tiber about her reputation as a medical archeologist.   She kept trying to interrupt him.

With a grin, she shrugged resignedly at Hawk.

He had forgotten it took more than several minutes to get Dr. Goodfellow's attention.

Even Goodfellow was now aware something unique had happened. He turned. "My dear boy. . . oh dear. . . oh dear. ..."

As Hawk watched his human friends' shocked disbelief become warm pleasure and love, he realized how much he had missed them.

Wilma threw herself into his arms giving him a very un-Colonel-like hug and kiss. Goodfellow muttered vagaries interspersed with pleased chuckles while the Admiral silently patted his shoulder and radiated joy.

Someone cleared his throat from the ship's interior bay doors. "What's going on here?"

Hawk looked up over Wilma's head buried on his chest, and his eyes met a well-remembered pair of blue eyes. He whispered, "Buck?"

His best friend hobbled toward them aided by a tall, spindly avian boy.

"Ari?" Hawk murmured as the universe became, suddenly, very right again.

Glancing toward the group, Ari paled, stopped, spoke his brother's name, and collapsed.

Finding himself kneeling by Ari on the floor, Hawk glanced toward Tiber, kneeling beside him, who touched the boy’s face with her healer's telepathic wisdom then moved it to the pulse at his throat as a human doctor would.

"He fainted. Emotional shock. He's unharmed." With a smile, she left the three to their reunion and joined the others at a distance.

Kneeling on Ari's other side, Buck snorted. "The kid's the smartest one of this group, always the right action for the right occasion. I could use a good faint myself."

Hawk lifted Ari at the shoulders and cradled him with tight possessiveness. "As could I.  I thought you were both dead." Closing his eyes, he savored the aliveness of his brother -- the body heat, the heart beat, respiration, and the avian smell of him. These small truths made the great truth of Ari's survival real.

At Buck's carefully stifled moan of pain, Hawk jerked open his eyes.  With little success, his friend was struggling to come to his feet.

Remembering with clarity the maimed movement of Buck's entrance into the hanger, Hawk asked,  "What is wrong?"

"This is wrong." Buck turned the hidden side of his profile to Hawk. Keloid burn scars in vivid purples extended from his temple to his jaw line and down into his shirt. Reddish pucker scars of minor burns covered the rest of that side of his face.

Hawk winced. "I am sorry."

As if stung by Hawk's pity, Buck snarled, "I'm not finished. This is wrong." He pulled up his shirt exposing the scarring on his left chest. "This is wrong." He showed his twisted and burnt arm and hand then motioned downward. 

"My left arm and leg are crippled, and my left eye is blind. The nova's heat knocked me out, and I fell to the shuttlecraft's deck. My left side fried against the metal surface. I can no longer fly, or walk, or run. The doctors aren't even sure I can be a man anymore, and I'm too damned frightened and hideous to find out. That's what's wrong."

Hawk lay his hand lightly on Buck's burnt cheek and offered the only consolation he could. "I am your friend. I will help you."

"A fat lot of good that does me," Buck said bitterly and hid his marred profile.

When Ari stirred against him, Hawk’s pity turned to fear.  "No, not Ari. He is just a child. Not Ari."  Frantic to examine the boy's body for burn scars, Hawk ripped at Ari's tunic fastenings.

Buck stopped Hawk's hand and spoke gently, "There's not a mark on the boy. Not a scar. One got Ari out before me. Ari didn't even get a third degree burn."

"No damage?"

"Not even a tan," Buck grinned lopsidedly. "We've taken good care of the kid for you, and he's taken good care of me. He wouldn't let me give up and die. With you gone I was the only brother he had left, even if I'm only adopted. He's as stubborn a bird as his big brother."

"I have met only one being who is as stubborn as we three, Buck. I will enjoy watching our acquaintance grow."

Tiber returned and knelt beside them.  "Why don't you take Ari some place private so you two can become reacquainted. After this shock he doesn't need a bunch of people."

Hawk rose holding his brother. "I will go to our cabin. One will take me if I ask." His gaze met Tiber's, and he motioned with his head toward his maimed friend.

"I'll do what I can. I've already talked to Dr. Goodfellow."

"Thank you, Tiber, for cheating me of death so many times. For the first time I no longer regret it."

Hawk walked away from the others. Calling mentally as Ari had taught him, he summoned the telepathic energy creature that was Ari's constant companion.

A glowing, amorphous ball of energy suddenly hovered beside him. With a high-pitched shriek that made Hawk's teeth hurt, the creature spun, danced, and bounced in circles of joy around the two avians. Finally, slowing, it rubbed against Hawk’s side like an affectionate cat.

"I have missed you too," Hawk admitted reluctantly. "I do not know if you can understand me completely as you can understand Ari, but thank you. Thank you for Ari's life and Buck's.  I know you faced certain death being so near that sun.  I though you had died trying."

Fragile traces of sorrow and enormous love touched Hawk's mind.

"I know, One. We both love Ari."

Hawk glanced toward his friends. Wilma, Goodfellow, and Asimov stood together in companionable silence near Tiber's shuttle.

Tiber was helping Buck up from the floor. Buck's eyes shimmered with the same look Hawk had often seen when his friend had met a stunningly beautiful and imminently seduceable female.

With a grin, Hawk murmured to himself, "You have not lost everything in the nova, Buck, but you have mistaken your female. She is not human, and her people mate for life. Even she could not seduce you into such a permanent arrangement."

He glanced up at One hovering above him. "Could you take Ari and me to our cabin, please. I do not wish to embarrass him by carrying him through the halls."

One bounced up and down in an affirmative and floated around the pair.

As the universe grew white in location transfer and then vaguely cabin-colored. Hawk spoke in confidence to the creature, "I know Buck said that Ari is unhurt, and I believe him. I intend to check every inch of the boy, though. I have discovered that hand knowing is much more reassuring than head knowing in these last months."

#

Yawning, Hawk stretched lazily in his bed and glanced about his old quarters. Nothing had changed since his "death." Except for a few empty, open drawers and closets of Ari's, it was exactly as Hawk had left it.  Even One was in the exact spot where he and Ari had left it, dormant and safe from the effects of the dying sun.

When he had awakened from his faint, Ari had told him that he and One had lived with Buck in Sickbay and in his cabin since the nova. Except for hastily taking some clothes, Ari had not been able to bear their room and its memories.

Hawk shuddered. If Ari had not been here to share this room, he would have sought other quarters.

The ship's clock by his bed said that he and Ari had been here for over twelve hours. Except for several hours when they had exchanged their last months' events with each other, they had slept. Weakened by emotional exhaustion and sheer joy, they both had hibernated for over ten hours.

Slipping out of bed, he came to his feet and walked over to his brother’s bunk, then straightened the covers over Ari’s sprawled body. Appallingly skinny, the boy must have existed on air and One and Buck's love over these last months.

As he reached automatically for one of his black uniforms, he paused. He could just tolerate the silken garments that Tiber had created for his new, baby-tender skin. The uniforms chaffed his normal skin.

He slipped back into the brown tunic and pants he had worn the day before.

Cocking his head, he heard within a mental door knock. He opened the door to his quarters. 

Tiber stood there with a covered meal tray.  "I sensed you were awake.  Can I come in? I brought you both breakfast," she whispered.

"Yes,” he said in his normal voice.  “Ari sleeps heavily. You will not waken him.”

Dormant in the corner, One suddenly yelped in a series of high-pitched whines.

"He sleeps. He is not deaf. Shut up," Hawk muttered angrily.

As Tiber lay her hand on it, One calmed. She whispered, "We will talk later after Ari has introduced us. Now is not the time. Return to your rest state."

She moved from the sleeping creature. "One has only known Ari as a telepathic link. It was surprised by my telepathic presence."

"I am surrounded by such gifts. It must be catching, to quote Buck. I knew you were at the door a moment ago."

"Telepathy is catching." She sat down on the bed beside Ari and caressed his head. "He's a beautiful boy, Hawk. A beauty of body and spirit. You're very lucky to have him."

“Very lucky.”

“While you two have been sleeping, I've been slaving away completing a regeneration tank for Buck and running tests on him. The regeneration tank will work for him too. I'll have to do microsurgery to remove scar tissue first, then I'll put Buck into the regeneration fluid. In a month, Buck will waken with skin as clear, pink, and unblemished as his friend Hawk."

Grinning, his heart lighter than he ever known it, Hawk tugged at his head. "Will he have down too?"

Tiber chuckled.  "That I can't guarantee."

She retrieved the food tray from beside the door and set it on their small table. "Here's your breakfast. You two eat, dress, and come down to Sickbay. Buck wants you both to 'hold his hands and tell him funny stories while he's waiting for the pretty lady with the knife and the fish tank'."

#

Hawk shivered from the terrible coldness of the tiny room in Sickbay and huddled gratefully on the sofa someone had commandeered from some ship's lounge. His head against Hawk’s shoulder, Ari slept peacefully beside him.

Buck's regeneration tank filled one end of the tiny room. It looked like a glass fish tank with its clear sides and liquid contents. Glowing with some alien energy, the tank radiated healing, growing vitality to the man floating within. A blanket covered most of the tank so that only Buck's unflawed profile showed to the watchers on the sofa.

Despite Tiber's insistence about Buck's unawareness and Hawk's own mental void during regeneration, Ari was determined to spend part of each day with Buck. His friend Buck would sense that he was not entirely alone.

From what Hawk could gather, Buck had had little privacy. Most of the crew had been down here over the last few weeks and would continue to come. Staying for a few minutes or several hours, they had kept Buck steady company. Even sensible Wilma had brought the sleeping Buck a vase of flowers as was the custom for sick friends in the 20th century.  Someone else had brought snacks and drinks for anyone interested.

Buck would like this. His month in the tank was a long and happy wake for his friends. Rebirth would be in this world and not the next, too.

Ari stirred, fighting sleep. Hawk soothed, "Go back to sleep. Rest. Buck knows we are here. You have had a long and tiring day." Ari relaxed once more.

Since Buck had gone into the tank, Hawk had insisted that Ari spend as much time as possible with Tiber. Remaining only as a passive spectator, Hawk had watched Tiber run the boy through an incredibly strange array of physical and telepathic tests.

Finishing as a doctor, she had begun as a telepathic teacher to both Ari and One, and, surprisingly, himself. Totally untrained, Ari and One were wild psychic talents with very little control or finesse, but they had eagerly accepted her restrictions about how a telepath should and shouldn’t behave with others and how to shield others and themselves from their energy.

As the person closest to Ari and One, he was trained to shield himself from accidental telepathic intrusion or energy, to help Ari direct and focus power, and to direct and focus his own strength and physical energy toward Ari for healing and strengthening Ari’s talents.

Those lessons had remained quite private so the others aboard wouldn’t learn what she truly was.  She wished to be considered human.

These last weeks had hit him with shock waves of joy, but new fears had crept in as well. Finding Ari alive, he was now terror-stricken that he would lose him again.

What would happen to him if Ari died?

What would happen to Ari if he died?

He and Ari were the only family either had. Sometimes, he could pretend in his own heart that Ari was the son he and Koori had so desperately wanted. Ari was brother, son, and second-self to Hawk. Hawk was father, brother, and mother to the boy.

They were all the family that either had. The loss of one would devastate the other. They had seen what their love for each other had cost in these hellish months.

He and Ari were so alike in their love and their personal losses. They had both lost their mother then their father. They had both known the loneliness of no family and no people. Hawk had lost more only because he had lived longer, yet they both followed the same life pattern of lost loved ones.

Patterns. The avians of Throm had been obsessed with patterns.

Life is a pattern. Learn that pattern, and you will follow the correct path.

His people had examined their deterioration as a race and had not fought back. They had seen ending and did not struggle. They decided that their life as a race died so they crept into huts and caves and became defenseless.

Defenseless, they had died.

Hawk's father had fought against such fatalism, and he had died, too, seeking a new future. His people had told Hawk that his father’s death had been part of the pattern, too.

Hawk had once heard an ancient curse-- "You will live to see all you love die before you." He now realized that was his curse and his pattern.

Everyone he loved had died-- parents, foster parents, his tribe, Koori, Buck, and Ari. Buck and Ari had been returned, but for how long? Perhaps this was a wicked joke the universe played before it stole them away again.

The stubborn pattern of loss was there in his life. He had laughed at such fatalism before. He had even refused it when Koori had come to him after his suicide attempt.

Fatalism and suicide were not really in his nature, but he had been shattered by vividly reliving, one after another, the deaths of his loved ones.  In his greatest agony he had slit his wrists.

Tiber had kept him alive long enough to reconsider that act of mindless grief. The Koori within would not let him die, nor would the stubbornness of Hawk. He had survived.

Only he had been at risk the night Koori came, and he had refused the fatalism of his people. Buck and Ari were at risk now.

If he made the wrong choice today over the existence of his life pattern, he could condemn them to death. He could laugh at life patterns and fatalism, but what if he was wrong?

What if his people were right? They were ancient with a long history of civilization and wisdom, and he was a brash soldier with no home and no future. What if they were right and he was wrong?

If his people were right, by loving Ari and Buck and by letting them love him, he would be condemning them to death. Buck and Ari would be the next loved ones to die.

A human poet had written, "A man who loves gives hostages to fortune." Ari and Buck were his hostages to fortune. He would do anything to protect them. He would ransom them with his soul or his life, if he must, to save them, yet he could be their death instrument.

If his life pattern of death did exist, Buck and Ari were doomed. The only way they could survive him was for him to die first. Could he defeat his life pattern by dying before his loved ones died? Could he cheat his fate?

A plan formed. He could wait until the persistent healer and telepath Tiber was far away, then he would destroy his relationship with Buck and Ari to make them hate him so that they would not grieve so at his death. He would destroy their love of him so they would not be endangered by his life pattern.

After he had destroyed his relationship with them, he could have a "fighter malfunction" against the side of some mountain. Buck and Ari would be safe after his death. They would have each other for comfort.

Tiber had promised to raise the boy on her home world if anything ever happened to him. She could give Ari everything he and Buck could not -- a permanent home, a life and education among fellow telepaths, and a future that was not a military ship and constant danger. Ari should be a healer, a scholar, or a scientist. With his gentle telepath’s heart and his enormous intellect, he would never be a warrior like Hawk. Tiber was Ari's future.

Hawk grinned suddenly. She could be Buck's future, too. If any woman could catch the elusive Buck Rogers, it was Tiber. Buck was more than a little attracted already. Buck and Tiber could be Ari's parents.

Ari whimpered, calling Hawk back to himself and that cold room. The boy garbled words about Hawk's death in the nova and cried out in pain.

"It is all right, Ari. I am here. It is just a bad dream. Sleep and dream sweetly. Hawk is here." Filled with an overwhelming tenderness, he caressed Ari's cheek.

Certain now, he realized that he had little choice in his actions. This child was at risk.  He could not wait and see whether life patterns existed or were just the sad fatalism of his dead race. He could not wait to see which one of his friends died next to prove or disprove this idea because Ari’s could be the next death. He would have to act now.

Right or wrong, he would die for Ari's sake. After his death, Make Make would tell him whether he was a fool or a clever fellow.

#

Buck shivered as if from cold as he gazed at Hawk who sat at the Searcher's controls. It was the graveyard shift of an uneventful mission so no one else worked on the bridge. Buck had thought it the perfect time to talk to Hawk for he had always seemed more human, no, make that more approachable, when he flew. Buck had just discovered he was wrong. There was nothing approachable about Hawk now.

The avian studied him with a granite implacability that Buck had not seen since those days when he and Hawk had carried Koori to the healer. Even then, Buck had seen Hawk's love and tenderness toward Koori. The ice cold had been reserved for the mortal enemy, but no longer.

"What do you wish to talk about, Captain Rogers?"

"My name is Buck. I'm your friend, remember?"

"My memory is unimpaired."

"What's gotten into you, Hawk? You've changed since the nova. I've noticed since I've been out of the regeneration tank. Everyone's noticed it. I know you've gone through hell since the nova, but so have I, and I haven't turned into Old Stone Face."

"I am not you, Human. I do my job. If there are any specific complaints, please express them. If not, leave me alone, Captain. You are my military superior, not my brother."

"Damn it, Hawk, that's just it. I'm not your brother, but Ari is. I've had a tough enough time handling your personality change, but don't you realize it's killing your little brother. Ari's hurt, no, he's devastated. He worships you. You're like a god to him. He doesn't know how to handle this change in you. He thinks it's his fault, that he's done something to displease you."

"The boy is not at fault."

"No, but you are. You're destroying the relationship between you two. All the brotherhood in the world won't repair the damage soon. A child can handle only so much indifference. Ari's still a child emotionally because of all those years of isolation. He needs more love and support than most boys his age. He's reached his limit of tolerance to your coldness. He'll have no choice but to leave you."

"I do not care."

The detachment behind Hawk's words made Buck furious. He fought his urge to punch his friend to get some form of response from him if only anger. "What's happened to you? Did that nova burn out your heart, or did Tiber bring back a corpse? That's all you are anymore, a walking dead man.

"I've known you as an enemy, a friendly enemy, and as a friend. I've admired and respected you in every role. Ari's known you only as his brother. His universe revolves around you.

"When you died, everything broke in the boy. He just sank inside of himself and wouldn't come out. One couldn't even get any response out of him. I think Ari would have given up and died but for my sake. He stayed to fight for my life.

"I was mortally hurt and in agony. I knew what I'd be if I survived -- a grotesque thing. I wanted to die, but Ari sat by my side, day and night, holding my good hand and tending my needs. I saw his big brown eyes black with unbearable grief and desolation and knew I couldn't die.

"I couldn't die because Ari would follow me." Buck swallowed hard and cleared his throat. "He needs you alive, too, alive in every sense. You're no more good for him walking around dead emotionally than if you were really dead. He needs you. Don't let Ari die inside, too."

Buck paused, gauging Hawk's reaction. The avian's eyes were hooded and unfathomable, but Buck instinctively felt that he had affected the other man, even if only slightly.

“Listen. If something's wrong, talk to me about it. I'll help any way I can. I'm your friend, and Ari's like a kid brother to me. I'll do anything for either of you. You have other friends. Talk to them. Wilma, or Dr. Goodfellow, or the Admiral. Even Ari. Or call Tiber. She'll come back. We have her ship frequency code, and she said she'd always be available to help if we asked her.

"Or if you need someone to hate, hate me or all the other humans on board. We can handle it. Just don't hurt the one half-human on board who loves you so much. Ari’s so vulnerable...."

Buck saw movement at the entrance to the bridge and turned to see who entered.  Ari, still in pajamas, ran toward them.  Breathing hard, he halted beside them.  "Stop the ship immediately."

"What's wrong?" Buck asked. "You should be asleep."

Ari pressed his hands over his ears. "Can you not hear it? It is deafening."

"I hear nothing. Hawk?"

"Nor I."

"It is a distress signal," Ari said.

Hawk nodded in sudden understanding. "It must be a telepathic distress signal. Ship's instruments do not register it."

"Makes sense," Buck muttered. "Come to full stop. We'd better investigate. Look for survivors." He glanced at Hawk who had not touched the controls. "Come to full stop, Hawk."

"We are at full stop. I did so upon Ari's words."

For someone who cared nothing for Ari, Hawk had acted swiftly and trustingly upon the boy's words. Hawk's wall of stone had a crack in it after all. And where there was a crack there was room for a crowbar to make the hole bigger.

"Where is the distress signal from?" Hawk asked.

“Hawk, it is....”  Ari glanced uncomfortably toward Buck, then at his brother as if trying to tell him something in silence.  “It is....”

"I asked you where the distress signal is from," Hawk snapped harshly.

Seeking protection, Ari stepped instinctively behind Buck who winced at the eloquence of the gesture.

"I need a star map," Ari requested.

"Now on the viewing screen," Hawk responded.

The boy moved to the screen and studied the star patterns. Pointing at the map, he turned toward the others. "This star, fourth planet. I hope I can be more exact when we reach the world. The distress signal is gone. We may be too late.” Ari blinked tears.

"She is already dead," Hawk said with absolute certainty.

"She?" Buck asked.

"That is Tiber Roland's private world."

“That’s impossible.  No human telepath can transmit that far.  A few miles at most in the right conditions, and she isn’t even a telepath. It can’t be Tiber.”

“No human could.”

#

Baking in the noon sun, Buck stretched lazily against the large boulder he leaned against. He hadn't done any mountain hiking in a very long time so he was sore and tired from their first five hours of climbing.

Yawning from the high altitude, he gloried in the panorama around him. The mountains that surrounded him, Wilma, Hawk, and Ari were the American Rockies as they were meant to be — wild, stark, and awesome.

The familiar hardwoods and animals made Buck angrier about the obscenities that man had committed against his Earth. His world should be like this virgin world, not a maimed nuclear victim.

He pulled another sandwich from his pack and leisurely worked his way through it as he studied the immediate area.

The tiny canyon they had sheltered in for lunch was high and narrow around them. From the boulder falls and the scarcity of big trees, he guessed that the canyon walls were not stable. The rescue team seemed safe enough since they were away from the narrow entrance to the trail they were following.

Surrounded by the canyon, the football field-sized glade of young hardwoods they were in was pleasant and warm. The already chill autumn winds didn't hit this sheltered spot.

With quiet amusement he watched the others eating their lunch. Although he and Wilma were exhausted and oxygen-starved, Hawk and Ari had become more energetic and comfortable the higher into the mountains they climbed to reach Tiber.

Under Ari’s direction, they had flown to the mountain valley where Tiber was, and they’d spotted her snazzy little hovercraft and a massive fresh landslide, but they’d not seen her or spotted her with sensors. 

Wilma had suggested that the rare minerals and quartz in the slide were masking her life signs, and they’d all agreed that was probably what was happening, but he doubted that any of them really believed that. 

The valley itself was too narrow and rough for them to land with their larger shuttle so they’d found the closest landing spot and mapped their route to reach her by foot. 

A pity One had chosen now to return to its home world to feed and energize itself; it could have teleported Tiber to them with little delay, but the energy creature hadn’t really had any choice but to leave. 

Even after the damage it had received getting him and Ari away from the nova, it had chosen to stay by the boy’s side because of his devastating grief and Buck’s injuries.  With Hawk’s return and before his drastic change in personality, it had used its last energy to teleport itself home.

Since their confrontation on the bridge, Hawk had become an even greater puzzle. When Ari had told them of Tiber's distress signal, Hawk had changed again. Before he had been essentially emotionless, but he was there.

Now he was blank, cold, and empty. Like an animated catatonic victim lost in some interior horror, Hawk stared inward and went at his tasks and this rescue automatically while his soul existed elsewhere.

Buck could forgive Hawk his self-absorption. He was terrified for Tiber, too. She had won his admiration for her loving responsiveness to Ari. Her beauty and her immense knowledge of the 20th Century gave him wistful thoughts of a permanent relationship.  A woman who laughed at his humor and understood his slang without needing a translator or a trivia encyclopedia was beyond price. 

He’d come damn close to making a fool of himself over her, but he’d seen her face in an unguarded moment as she looked at Hawk, and he’d backed off as he’d cursed Hawk’s luck in winning her love and his stupidity for not returning it. 

Buck shook his head in disgust at his friend and in admiration of Tiber.  Considering how well she normally hid her feelings, she must have given him that glimpse deliberately to save his pride and to keep him from moving from infatuation and lust to throwing his heart at her feet.  Yet another act of generosity and kindness he owed her for.

She also deserved more gratitude than he could ever give for saving Hawk at the risk of her life, then healing and returning him to the Searcher.  She’d gone beyond that to give Buck his own life back.  A dozen lifetimes weren’t enough to thank her.

With no regrets, he’d willingly helped Hawk fake a ship communications’ distress call from Tiber to hide the knowledge of her telepathic gift from the rest of the crew, and he’d remained silent about her not being human.

But why was Hawk so damned certain she was dead? He had asked, but the stubborn bird had remained silent. Buck made a crack about reading the future in tea leaves, and Hawk had agreed!

Buck shook his head. Hawk was positive Tiber was dead, but he hadn't dragged his heels either in this rescue. He was obsessed about reaching her, or something else he had to do.

Hawk might be hard to live with, but he certainly wasn't boring.

Wilma's voice broke Buck's train of thought. She asked Hawk, "You told Buck that this is Tiber's private world. How can she own a planet?"

"She holds this world in trust. Her family have terraformed this planet over many generations. Before, it was inhospitable to all life.

“Tiber herself has established the larger life forms. Soon, the ecology will be stable enough for settlers." Wistfulness touched his voice. "She promised me that she would keep this planet for any avian race we would find. A new home world."

His eyes widening in surprise, Buck studied his friend’s impassive face.  That was the first emotional response Hawk had given to anything. Perhaps the avian was coming out of the blank shock created by Tiber's mysterious distress signal.

Remembering his plan to break through Hawk's emotional wall, he grinned and said, his voice heavy with innuendo, "She'd give you anything. I could see how attracted she was to you. I'd have loved to have spent those months on this planet with a gorgeous, sensual woman like Tiber Roland. Her chestnut hair, the gray eyes, those long sexy legs, and her terrific figure. I wouldn't have been bored at all. How about it, Hawk? Did you enjoy your stay here?"

Flame flared in Hawk's eyes, but, when he spoke, his voice was ice cold. "Humans are rutting, faithless animals."

Buck smiled. Another crack in Hawk's emotional stone wall, and with Wilma who wasn’t aware of Tiber’s non-human status present, Hawk had no real way to defend her.  It was a dirty trick but for a good cause.  "You should know all about rutting humans, one rutting human in particular. You spent so much time alone with her. Was she as good at it as she looks?"

"I was referring to you, Human. By the laws of my people, I should kill you for such a filthy remark against her. Tiber is my friend. I guard her honor as my own. She understands what honor and love are between a man and woman. I will not have you speak so vilely of her. I owe her the debt of my life. As your vanity owes her a great debt."

His hand moving to his face, Buck winced.  Hawk knew exactly how to stab back, one of the joys of friendship.

The absolute horror on Ari's face at their bitter quarreling compelled Buck to stop his assault. He didn't want Ari forced into taking sides. That would tear the kid apart. "Touché, Hawk. I stand corrected. I didn't enjoy playing Phantom of the Opera. What kind of doctor is she? I keep forgetting."

"A medical archeologist specializing in xenobiology." Hawk's voice became even again. "She studies the ancient races' medical knowledge, then reapplies that knowledge to existing races. The embryonic healing tanks she employed with us both was such knowledge."

Wilma gasped in rapture and pointed upward. "Look. How beautiful. What is it, Buck?"

"It is an eagle," Hawk said, then gave a loud high-pitched cry which forced the humans to cover their ears. In answer, the golden eagle plummeted toward them, feathered its wings, and landed gently on Hawk's gauntlet-protected wrist. Hawk stroke the wild creature with practiced ease.

"Can you control all birds like that?" Buck asked.

"I know him. This is Wind, a friend to Tiber. She taught me his language. Our blood kinship also makes mental communication simple even with my limited telepathic abilities." Hawk spoke to the eagle, "What do you wish, Cousin? Do you know where Tiber is?"

Surprise, joy, then open distress touched Hawk's face as he gazed at the eagle in silent communication.

"What is wrong?" Ari asked. "Is she dead as you fear?"

The eagle fluttered to a large boulder beside Ari.

"No, she lives, barely. That landslide came down on her while she slept. She is pinned and grows weak."

As if to hide his emotions, Hawk turned from the others.

"What's so special about that valley, Hawk? Why is she up there?" Wilma asked.

"When I was convalescing, she took great pains to keep my mind off my sorrows. She taught me the language of the birds. I taught her the avian language. We taught each other the songs of our peoples. She was... is very musical.

"She was ashamed, at first, for someone of my people to hear her voice. She thought it poor in comparison to avians sprung from song birds, but I convinced her that she sang as the lark-- in pure tones and straight from the heart. After the shyness passed, she sang freely.

“As I grew stronger, we traveled. She showed me this world. One day she introduced me to an ancient Earth custom, the picnic. We went up to that high valley. It is extraordinarily beautiful there -- waterfalls, trees, and clouds. It is my happiest memory of this world, and my saddest."

The straightness of Hawk's back kept the others from asking further. Ari moved to Hawk and hugged him to comfort him. "We will save her."

Stiffening, Hawk spoke in distaste, "Take your hands off me."

Ari shrank from him as if slapped.

"The terrain will be even worse now," Hawk said. "We must be careful, too, of the animals. There are mountain lions and bears. Ari and I must be especially cautious. Tiber said that the big cats are fond of poultry."

Buck choked back a laugh.

Ari deliberately turned away from Hawk and walked to Buck. "I am going onto the trail to see if I can pinpoint her exact location."

"Okay, Ari. Be careful."

Climbing up through the narrow canyon opening, Ari stepped out onto the trail.

Buck expected angry recriminations from Hawk at his encroachment of Hawk's guardian prerogatives with the boy. Instead, there was approval in the avian's eyes. What was wrong with him? Did he want him to take Ari's affections away from him?

"Are you certain of Tiber's location now?" Buck asked Hawk.

"Basically, yes. The images in Wind’s mind were clear enough to give me several possibilities in that valley."

"Why don't you take a look at the terrain again. Discuss it with Ari. Make certain of our direction."

"I need no discussion. My people do not get lost so easily. But to please you, Human, I will look." Hawk darted up the slope as if eager to get away from his friend's probing eyes and sharp tongue.

Wilma stood and studied Hawk and Ari just beyond the canyon mouth. Patently ignoring the boy with his back to them all, Hawk studied the terrain.

"He's acting more and more strange. What is wrong with Hawk?" Wilma asked.

"I wish I knew. I think Hawk's brain got fried in that nova. Or his heart. I don't think the boy will take much more of this."

Almost in response to Buck's statement, Ari screamed something at Hawk and shoved him violently toward Buck and Wilma. Off balance, Hawk pitched over and rolled down the steep hill.  In a flash of movement a huge yellow shape struck Ari to the ground.

Buck pulled out his weapon, ran toward the canyon entrance, then snapped off a fast shot at the mountain lion. The shot missed and hit the mountain side. Rocks exploded, showering the whole canyon entrance with debris.

After the air cleared, Buck found himself on the ground beside Hawk’s prone body at the bottom of the slope. Wilma coughed and swore behind him. If she was swearing, she was unhurt.

Ari lay on his back just beyond the canyon mouth. From about twelve feet away, Buck couldn’t see any damage.

The boy wiggled his head in confusion then looked around.

"Ari, are you all right?" Buck shouted.

"Do not come to me. The big yellow cat is waiting at a ledge above the canyon entrance. He will pounce on you if you come to me."

"Got it. Are you okay?"

"I am bruised."

"Stay where you are. Don't move. Movement may attract the cat."

Hawk stirred, sat up, and shook his head like he’d been unconscious.  Blood trickled down from a cut just above his right eye.  "What happened?"

"Ari shoved you out of the way of a mountain lion. The cat got him instead. I shot, missed, and started a small landscape. The boy's right over there. He says he's fine, but we can't get to him because the mountain lion is above the entrance to the canyon, and Ari can't move for the same reason.”

Ari noticed Hawk's intent stare. "I am unhurt, Hawk. Stay where you are."

"I understand," Hawk called back.

"Are you hurt?" Buck asked.

Hawk placed his hand on his right side then drew it away in confusion. "I thought. . . . No, I am unhurt. You?"

"My ankle hurts. A falling rock. Bruised, but not broken, I believe."

"If you're interested, I'm fine," Wilma said crawling to them, her gun in one hand.

Buck smiled at her. "I knew that after all the swearing. When you're hurt, you get noble and quiet. Look, that eagle's with Ari."

"Wind will keep the mountain lion away. Even the big cats fear a sky warrior," Hawk said. "Wind tells me the lion is old, sick, and hungry. It is eager for a kill. It will not leave us. We are trapped here."

"Terrific," Buck muttered. "A Mexican standoff."

Hawk gingerly touched his right side. Muttering an avian word of shock and dismay, he scrambled upward toward the canyon mouth.

Buck and Wilma both landed on him and pinned him to the ground.

"Let me go!" Hawk twisted beneath them.

"What are you doing? That lion will kill you." Buck said.

"The boy lied to protect us. He is badly wounded. He is bleeding to death, a major artery in his right side. I will offer myself to the cat. When it lands on me, kill it. Now, let me go, or do I kill you first?" Hawk's gaze held primal flame as it met Buck’s.

"No, someone has to kill the lion." Buck steadied his gun against a rock. "The best location for a kill is to the left of Ari. A clean shot, and Ari won't be landed on."

Hawk nodded, as if silently thanking them both for their lack of noble offers of sacrifice, then ran toward the kill spot.

#

As his name was spoken from a great distance, Hawk stirred. The universe's weight was suddenly off his chest, and he could breath again. He opened his eyes to Buck's worried face. "Ari?" He sat up.

"Wilma got to him fast. He's unconscious. The bleeding's stopped. He's lost a lot of blood."

"What?" Hawk shook his head groggily.

"I shot the cat as it jumped at you. Its body fell on you. I'd hate to have met that monster in his prime. Tiber raises big kitties. Old and skinny, that mountain lion weighs 200 pounds."

"More." Hawk stood and wobbled toward Wilma and Ari.

Cautiously watching his bandaged side, Wilma sat by the boy with his head in her lap.

Reaching them, Hawk paled at the blood-soaked clothing and the bloody ground.  His brother had lost a great deal of blood. 

Kneeling and calming himself, he placed his hands on the pressure points at Ari's jaws as Tiber had taught him. By concentrating, he could assess Ari's physical condition through their mutual telepathic resonance as brothers. "The boy is weak almost to death." He lifted Ari and rose. "Wilma, bedding, please."

She walked back into the canyon and removed the sleeping bag from Ari's pack then spread the bedding out.

After setting his brother down and covering him, Hawk got up again. "I will help Buck. He is still at that mountain lion. His ankle is useless."

With a nod, Wilma began to spread out Buck's bedding next to Ari.

Hawk practically carried Buck back into the canyon and lay him beside Ari.

Kneeling by the unconscious boy, Hawk touched him his pale cheek. "Why, Ari? Why did you risk yourself so?"

"Because he's a fool,” Buck said angrily. “You treat him like dirt, but he loves you. That's hard for someone like you to understand, but it's the truth. Do you remember what love is, Hawk? The Hawk I knew before the nova understood, but he died a long time ago."

A muscle in Hawk's jaw twitched, but he said evenly, "I act for the best, Captain Rogers."

"I seriously doubt that."

"Be silent. I must concentrate. I will share my physical strength with him as he has done with me. I will force what healing I can. 

“This healing link is one bond of brotherhood that you cannot achieve with all your noble words. He is my blood. I will give him my life strength. He will not die. The universe will not cheat me of this one tiny victory."

Buck patted his friend's bowed shoulders. "I'm sorry, Hawk. It's just that I love the boy, too."

"Do not touch me. I must concentrate." Hawk lay down beside Ari and pulled him gently into his arms. Placing his hands above Ari's heart and against his jaw line, Hawk began to share his own life force with his brother.

Buck studied the two avians fearfully. They looked as if they slept, but he knew they both fought valiantly against death.

"The waiting is the worst part," Wilma said softly and knelt at his feet with tape for his swollen ankle.

Buck forced his gaze toward her. "You've gone through this before. I'd forgotten."

"Yes, when Ari saved Hawk's life on One's planet. I still shudder when I think how I nearly lost all of you. The boy's courage and strength saved us then. Hawk's will save the boy now."  She began to tape his ankle.

"Hawk would save the boy, but would this stranger?"

"Hawk loves him no matter how he's acted these past months. You should see that now. He never really hurt Ari. He's ignored him and been distant, but he's never been actually cruel. There are ways he could have cut Ari to the quick. He could have thrown Ari's human blood like an insult. Or Ari's telepathic gifts. Ari feels like a freak because of them. 

“He would have killed you if you'd tried to stop him from offering himself to that mountain lion. That's the old Hawk. He loves the boy, and he's facing death again to prove it now.”

"I bow to a woman's wisdom, as always. I thought I was the only one to see through Hawk's masquerade. I wonder if he's suffering from a broken heart?"

Wilma sat down beside him. "I wanted to punch you when you said those things about Tiber."

Buck smiled. "Jealous?"

"A bit, but mainly angry. Considering the strict moral laws of Hawk's people, those were extremely ugly things you insinuated about her and Hawk. I thought you were getting back at Tiber for refusing your advances. I've never seen you follow a woman around like a lost puppy before. Usually they follow you."

Buck shifted uncomfortably.  Sometimes, Wilma saw too damn much with that woman’s wisdom of hers.  "I was merely being grateful for her medical help. I wanted to thank her.

"I was baiting Hawk earlier. Trying to get some response out of him and break that shell he's in. It worked. Tiber's a sensitive subject. He almost went for me when I besmirched her honor."

 "The danger with baiting a hawk is, if you're not careful, you'll get talon marks on your unblemished face."  With her fingers, she traced the line of his healed scars, then said,  "I'd better go back to the canyon's entrance. There may be other predators out there. I’ll vaporize the carcass so it won’t attract them.  Call me if you need anything or if Hawk wakes."

After an hour Hawk stirred, opening his eyes, "The boy will live. I will live," then fell into a deep, natural sleep, his arms wrapped tightly around his brother.

#

His strength renewed, Hawk awoke at dawn the next morning and studied his sleeping companions. Wilma was in a sleeping bag on the other side of Buck. Above them Wind flew in aerial patrol, guarding them.

The boy curled against him like a puppy.

Smiling softly, Hawk caressed Ari's face. He could sense vitality and healing energy surging through his brother who would heal swiftly now.

He would leave soon, but not quite yet. He wanted to share a few last moments with his brother.

As Hawk kissed Ari's head and hugged him, Buck's soft laugh broke the morning stillness. "I see how much you hate your little brother."

"The ground is damp. I fear shock."

"Sure, and my grandfather was a canary."

No longer attempting to hide behind his assumed coldness, Hawk said with his old humor, "Now is not the time to brag about ancestors," then he grew solemn again. "I will leave soon to find Tiber. Wind and I will go."

"I'm sorry I can't come with you."

"And I." Hawk moved Ari next to Buck. "Keep him warm with your body heat. I truly fear shock.  Telepaths are vulnerable to that when they are injured.  Physical contact helps." He covered them both with Ari’s blankets. "If I am not back in a day, return to the Searcher. Ari should have medical aid.” 

He rested his hand on Buck’s.  “Always take care of our little brother."

"I'm honored,Hawk. I'll take good care of him."  As Hawk tried to stand up, Buck grasped his arm and held it. "You're not planning to come back, are you?"

"No, if she is dead, I will die with her."

"Do you love her that much?"

"No, it is because I do not love her. 

“In the months I was here, Tiber and I became close friends. She helped me through the pain and the grief. I do not remember a time in those months when I did not wake in agony and despair to find her there comforting me and taking away the pain with her cool hands.  Her wise words of experience saved my sanity when I was torn with my grief.

“She lost her mate and their unborn child through violence and nearly lost her soul when she sought revenge.  She has gone beyond the loss and anger as I have not, and she understands as no one else has.

“In that last week before we sought the Searcher, we went into that valley where she lies dying. It was a happy time for us both, I had finally come to some terms with your deaths. I was willing to learn to live again.

“She told me that she loved me, and that she would joyfully become my mate and bear my children."

Hawk turned his face away. "I had to tell her that I did not love her, that I had no love left to give.  That half my heart was buried with Koori, and that the other half had burned with you and Ari in the nova. She was mortified, her pride is as great as my own. She swore that she would always be my friend, and that she would never speak of her feelings again. She was true to her word."

"But why die for this? Love isn't something that can be turned on or off. You're not to blame because you don't love her."

"I am to blame that she dies. I thought I could save Ari from death by not loving him, by making him hate me, but I was wrong. She dies, he nearly dies, for love of me. I cannot bear this fate anymore. "

"What are you talking about?"

"The universe pattern of my life. All I love or who love me die. My parents, my people, Koori, Tiber, and soon Ari. It is inexorable. Ari will die because he loves me. I intend to die before that happens, to defeat the universe in that one thing. If I die, Ari will live. I will break the pattern. I will destroy no more lives."

"But, that's insane. The universe isn't like that. Just because you've lost so many times doesn't mean the universe has something against you. Hell, that's paranoid."

Hawk smiled sadly. "How like all humans you are. Humans are but children, seeing things as children see them. If an idea is not yours, it is wrong or insane. My people are 300,000 years older than yours. We had an ancient culture and space travel before you left your caves. Your people have not even gotten over the childhood diseases of self-destruction. How can you claim to know the universe better than we? I am the last of a race a thousand times older than yours."

"You may be right about humans. We are children. But don't forget that sometimes children see things more clearly than their elders. Ask Ari. He'll tell you what's important here. He loves you. He needs you. Don't leave him. He won't thank you for the extra years of life if he has to spend them without you."

"I am his guardian. I choose for the best."

"It takes courage to live and love in the face of death. Maybe that's your problem. You've lost that courage. You're just using the universe as a scapegoat. To hell with all that dead philosophy you've been spouting. You've just lost your nerve."

"You may be right, my friend. All the better to end it now." Hawk stood up, slung his pack onto his shoulders, and began to walk away.

"I'll take good care of our brother, Hawk. I swear."

#

The noon sun shone hot overhead by the time Hawk reached the high valley. Gasping for breath, he pulled himself up the last rocks of the sheer climb and lay exhausted. Wind settled beside him and pecked gently at his hand. "I know, Cousin. I will go to Tiber soon. Let me catch my breath and find my courage first. I must be strong for her sake."

He gazed into the sky. "In all my years on Throm the sky seemed somehow wrong. I thought it was because I could not fly as my ancestors. Now I see it was the wrong sky, for it was not the Earth sky of my blood. This second Earth is the right sky for my people." He sighed. "Maybe Ari will bring others of our race here one day. Maybe his children will play in these mountains. I wish I could live to see that.”

He stood up. "Come, Cousin. I regain my courage, and already it leaves me. Take me to Tiber. At least I will not let her die alone. It is the only thing I have left to give her."

Following Wind, he walked through the large valley. Around him birds sang in the hardwoods, and the tall, cascading waterfall at the end of the valley whispered in the distance. He came to their old campsite near the southern wall of the valley and the mountain river. The landslide  covered a large portion of the area. His gaze darting around, he started following the edge of the slide.

The eagle landed in front of him, scratched, and gently unearthed a strand of chestnut hair. 

With a cry of despair, he knelt and began to brush the soil and small rocks away with his fingers until he’s uncovered her head and neck.

He touched her throat with two fingers.  Only a faint flutter of pulse, but she was still alive.

"You will not die like this, Tiber. I will take you into the light. The grave is for the dead, not the living."

Pulling rocks away from her still form, he worked desperately to free her. The landslide had fallen as she slept, he guessed, for she lay in a sleeping bag. Her lower body was covered completely in rock and soil, her upper body only partially covered.

He unearthed a small tree which had shielded her lower body from the larger rocks.

After an hour of exhausting work, he had disinterred her. Whispering a prayer to his god and hers, he opened the sleeping bag.  She wore a long tee shirt that was now brown with dirt.  Her body was mottled with vicious bruises.  He took out the emergency medical kit Goodfellow had prepared for him and attached diagnostic sensors to her throat and above her left heart then studied the readings. 

Both legs were broken below the knees. He splinted them and covered her with a blanket then studied the readings again.  Her life readings were fading as he watched.

Why was she so close to death?  With her enormous alien vitality, four days of exposure, broken legs, and the rock slide should not have hurt her so.  Could she have some kind of internal injury the human med-monitor didn’t recognize?

He took her right hand in his.  The bracelet on her wrist shifted, and a red flashing light flared. 

With a human swear word, he lifted her and carried her toward the open area and the river.  Months before, she had told him about her race’s violent allergy to a very rare metal.  Prolonged exposure brought death so she wore the bracelet warning device at all times.

Hawk laughed bitterly at the irony. The side of a mountain had not killed her, but a few tiny pebbles were.

By the time he reached the river and her hovercraft, the light had stopped flashing.  He knelt and deposited her gently onto the grass under a tree.

With his fingers he carefully sifted the dirt from her cap of chestnut hair.

He returned to where he had left his pack and retrieved it, then dampened a cloth at the river and cleaned off her face and body.  One of Ari's tunics that had ended up in his pack became her new nightgown.

As he tucked her into his sleeping bag, he shed dirt all over his tidy patient.  With a grunt of disgust, he shook his head then strode to the river, washed himself, and changed clothes.

When he knelt beside her again, Tiber opened her eyes.  "Hello, little Lark. Have you any songs for me today?"

"Only my death song." She held out her hand to him. "I knew you would hear me and come."

Clasping her hand in his, Hawk lowered his eyes in shame. "Only Ari heard you. Forgive me."

"You came anyway.  I didn't want to die alone. I fought to stay alive until you came."

"I am here. We will sing your death song together."

"No, please, no. I thought you had chosen life before you left this world." She started as if having a disturbing thought. "Is Ari still alive?"

"Yes, he lives. I wish him to live a long life. That is why I choose death."

"The ancient curse that you told me of, you truly believe it is yours?"

"I was a fool to believe otherwise. I thought, when I saw Ari and Buck again, that I had been wrong, but now I realize that it was not yet their time. But their times will come too soon if I do not act. Ari was nearly killed yesterday. I saved him as you taught me. Thank you for that."

"And if something like that happens again, and you are not there to act?"

"It is a question I cannot answer. It is best I die."

"May I read your heart? May I relive the moments in your life that have led you to this choice?"

As his answer, Hawk lowered his head and lifted her hands to his temples.

She smiled softly, stroking his feathers. "I do good work. You were so afraid the adult feathers would not return after the nova burns, that you'd have an infant's down for the rest of your life. See, I was right. I wish you'd believe me in other things.

"Look into my eyes.  I will go only where you wish me to go. In return, my heart and memories are open to you. Learn as I learn."

"I trust you."

Her fingers cool against his temples, he felt himself pulled into a river of memories.

Eternities later, Hawk awakened to find himself against her, his head resting on her shoulder.

Caressing his cheek, she asked, "Are you all right?"

Dizzy with sensations, memories, and thoughts, he sat up. He had never realized how alien she was and yet how alike they were. "It is not terrible to die."

"No. It is not terrible to die. Death I do not regret, only my lost chances at life."

Odd flashes of her memory touched him. "How old are you?"

"In human years, 573. I was born in Buck’s century on Earth.  My people live over 2000 years so I am younger than you in years' ratio. My people have traveled the universe over half a million years."

"I am a child."

"We are all children. When we grow up, the universe ends. It is the way."

Shyness touched Hawk. "What did you find in me?"

"Nothing of which to be ashamed. My heart chose well."

"My heart is blind, my friend." Hawk smiled then,  as a shudder of pain passed through her, leaned forward anxiously. "Is it time?"

"No, I will stay a bit longer. I have things I wish to say." She held out her arms. "Would you please hold me?  I'm cold." The lie fooled neither of them, but he sat down cross-legged and brought her onto his lap, her head against his chest.  

With a sigh of satisfaction, she nestled against him. "That's much better. Death is not so alone like this." She paused. "Hawk, I discovered what you truly want, and I cannot give it."

"I have my means of death."

"You don't want death, you want certainty. You want to know that those you love won't leave you. Everyone's always left you, so you want to leave them first."

"That is untrue. I intend only to save Ari."

"All you will do is perpetuate the same mistake in Ari's life. You said that Ari's life has followed the same pattern as yours. Do you want Ari to reach this point of suicide as you have? Do you want him to remember that you deserted him too? Do you want him to copy you and kill himself?"

"I wish only to break the pattern of death."

"By dying you will perpetuate that pattern. By living you will save Ari that death."

"I do not know. I am confused. I seek only to save Ari."

"I know this, destruction is never the answer. To die to save another is good. To die to destroy is evil. You must decide where your choices lead." She wrapped her arms more tightly around his chest. "I’m sorry I can give you no better answer, my love. You must make this horrible decision yourself. Just remember something your friend Buck said.  It takes courage to live and love in the face of death. You have such courage and an enormous capacity for love. All those in your life have been very lucky."

The wistfulness of her voice  stabbed Hawk's heart. "I am sorry, my little Lark. I should have loved you."

"Would you please kiss me?"

Bending his head, he brushed and nudged his lips against hers, and when her lips softened and parted, he deepened the kiss.

As their lips parted, Tiber sighed happily. "Something to remember you by. I enjoyed that, but you taste like dirt."

"As do you, my dirty friend. Perhaps another?" he whispered kindly, his heart filled with tenderness, then kissed her again.

Tiber shyly caressed his mind with hers, allowing him to experience the love she bore him.

Blinking tears, he pulled away, and his voice broke with pain. "Forgive me."

"I do not regret a moment of loving you. Don’t damn yourself for my death or for not returning that love. You gave the ability to love back to me.

“When I lost my mate, I thought I had lost my soul as well. You gave my soul back. It is enough for me to know I have loved you and am capable of loving you."

Weakness touching her again, she sagged against him and burrowed her face against his chest and his silken tunic.

A moment of satisfaction filled Hawk as he saw Tiber's pleased smile of remembrance.

He had brought this outfit hoping for that response. When she had given him this matching tunic and pants, he had accepted them as casually as he had accepted all that she had given him. With nothing but the last ember of life in his charred body, he had come to her. She had given him his life and everything else, asking nothing in return.

And that was all he had returned, nothing.

Only after she had told him she loved him had Hawk realized how totally self-absorbed he had been. In every word and in every act, she had given more than kindness. She had surrounded him with the testimony of her love.

Until she had spoken of her love, he had not even seen the import of these garments. To him they were only of a special silken fabric that did not chaff his new, baby-tender skin. He had not recognized the unspoken love behind the becoming design or the enormous effort necessary in the dyeing of the fabric to match the chameleon vagaries of his hazel eyes. A gift of love, not a practical necessity from his physician.

If he had noticed, he could have saved her pride the humiliation of his rejection by speaking first of his friendship, but he had not. He could save her nothing, not even her life in return for his.

As he brought his hand to her face to brush her hair from her eyes, he stopped in mid-motion. Even now, he failed her.

Suddenly aware of the stiffness of his body and the formality of his embrace, he forced himself to relax against her. His practical action became a caress. He could not give her a mate's love, but he could give her the love that the humans called friendship.

Her life force ebbing now, Tiber lay unmoving in his arms. Only the faint beating of her two hearts against him told him she lived.

Whispering soft nonsense words of solace as much to himself as to her, he caressed her face and hair. The pain of her leaving was sharp and cruel even though he knew he would soon follow her.

A sob caught in his throat as unshed tears stung his eyes, and he bowed his head resting his face against hers. It was as if he held in spirit all those he had loved and lost. "Koori, Ari, Tiber."

"Do not grieve so. We wish only that you live and be happy. I love you, Hawk."

Hawk heard voices from the past.

Koori spoke like a knell of doom, "I will love you always, Hawk."

"I love you, big brother," Ari said.

As if he saw each one executed before his eyes because of that love, Hawk shuddered in horror.

"Do not leave me, Tiber. I need your wisdom. I do not know what to do. How can I save Ari?"

"My strength is gone."

Remembering those words, Hawk blinked in surprise. He had spoken them to Ari on the day they had met, the day Ari had risked his own life to save Hawk the same way he had saved Ari yesterday.

Buck spoke in memory, "Sometimes children see things more clearly than their elders. Ask Ari.  He won't thank you for the extra years if he has to spend them without you."

Hawk's own bitter voice spoke, "A man who loves gives hostages to fortune."

"And the children shall lead you." Did the human Bible say that?

Tormented by jumbled thoughts and memories, Hawk shook his head. What should he do?

Tiber's words to him rang in counterpoint to the ancient curse.

"You will live to see all you love die before you."

If he killed himself, would Ari kill himself? If he died, would Ari die?

"A man who loves gives hostages to fortune."

"I love you, big brother."

What should he do?

"You don't want death, you want certainty."

"I wish only to save Ari."

What should he do?

As Tiber's lips melded with his, Hawk jolted with surprise. Gone was the gentle propriety of their earlier kisses. She kissed him as she would her mate. Their minds slipped into the far deeper rapport shared only between bonded pairs.

Blushing, he started to pull away but stopped when he felt the supplication in her hands on his temples. She offered her love and the intimacy of her soul through a mate's kiss, and asked only that he let her give, understanding that he had no love of equal measure to return. In all their time together, this was the only thing she had ever asked of him.

He realized that she did not act lightly linking so intimately with him. Her people were as his.  Each chose a mate for as long as they both lived and bound themselves in body, heart, and mind. No, what she gave was not casual.

He relaxed and returned the kiss.

Unlike the earlier, less intimate mental touch, her mind now opened completely to him revealing, not memory, but the essence of her spirit.

A golden bud of light, her love blossomed in his soul radiating through the darkest, coldest shadows of his innermost grief.

The tumult in his mind slowed.

Should he kill himself to save Ari, or by killing himself would he drive Ari to suicide? What should he do?

Again the voices returned to mock or question.

"A man who loves gives hostages to fortune."

"You will live to see all you love die before you."

If he killed himself, would Ari kill himself? If he did not die, would Ari die?

"You will live to see all you love die before you."

What should he do?

In the golden light of Tiber’s love, the words that had haunted him transformed and became both benediction and redemption.  "A man who loves gives."

As their lips parted, Tiber laughed softly. "I'm a shameless hussy."

Moved by the intimacy of the love she had given so generously to him, Hawk caressed her face. "No, you are my friend. I thank you."

Awed, he looked at her seeing her enormous beauty, not only the beauty Buck had spoken of, but her inner beauty.

Even now, at the edge of her death, she used her last energy not to stay alive but to hide her pain from him. Only the trembling of her body against his betrayed her.

As if sensing his thoughts, Tiber blushed. "You are a fine person. It is my honor to be your friend."

"I have decided what I will do. I will sing the death song with you, little Lark."

"Hawk, no, please don't kill yourself."

"I will not." He picked her up, carried her to the nearby hovercraft, opened it, and sat down in the passenger seat with her in his lap. “I was so certain that you would die because you loved me that I did not even consider trying to save you, but what if I am wrong?  I may be able to to save you the same way I saved Ari. As a telepath, you can help me establish the link."

"I'm dying. You will probably die with me."

"It does not matter. I wish to die to save Ari, but I cannot commit suicide. He would surmise the truth and follow me in this pattern. You said that only death to save another is good. I choose that means of death then, but it is not lightly chosen.

“I will fight to give you life with my whole being. I do not wish you to die. I care too deeply, my friend.

“In fighting for you, my own life will be balanced, too. Our fates will be tied together. I will not die because you would die. If I live, may it be for the best.

“And after, I will not try to destroy myself again. Let the universe do with me as it will. I will love Ari and my friends until they die or until I die. It matters not when death comes."

Tiber smiled up at him. "You've made a wise choice. Let Fortune decide, and let us have the courage to accept the outcome."

She turned to the ship's computer and gave it detailed instructions in another language then said to him,  "In an hour's time, the hovercraft will leave here with us and go down to where Ari and your friends await you. By then, we will be dead or healing. We don't want Ari to risk himself trying to save us. This way they will know our fates, and they will have the hovercraft to get Ari to the medical attention he still requires."

"Good. I feared for Ari."  Bending, he kissed her gently. "Farewell, my friend. May we meet in happier days." He placed his hands over her left heart and jaw line.

"For your sake, I wish this weren't necessary. I want you to live." She, in turn, placed her hands in the same positions on his body. "I will teach you the words and the dance, then you must lead." As death touched her, she shuddered. "We have the piper to pay."

"Not the piper, but fortune.  We both have hostages to fortune, and we seek ransom."

In a wave of dizziness, Hawk felt himself spiraling down into darkness with Tiber in his arms.

#

A soft deep voice calling him back, Hawk regained consciousness. The Sickbay and a familiar face danced and swirled above him. "Ari?"

"Yes, it is me. How are you feeling?"

"Weak. Confused. Ari?"

Ari lifted Hawk's hands to his cheeks. "Ari in the flesh and feathers."

The room stopped spinning, and vague memories returned. "Hurt?" He lifted his brother's tunic and examined the wound on his right side.  "You heal cleanly."

"Buck is right. You are the biggest Mother Hen in the known planets."

"How?"

"He and Wilma are fine. Buck's ankle heals. He says he will be dancing and singing in no time."

"Singing?"  Trying to remember, Hawk shook his head. "Lark?"

"I do not understand. Do you hurt? Can I get Dr. Goodfellow?"

"Doctor. That is it. Where is Tiber?"

"She is gone."

Hawk covered his face with his arm to hide his grief. "I thought I had saved her."

"Hawk, no!" Ari pulled his arm away. "She has left Searcher. She is alive."

'"Alive!"

"Yes. I am sorry. I did not mean to frighten you so. Her ship, Helios, came for her, and she went away. Her legs are mended, and she has a little strength.

“She left you a present. Her ship and Leos were picking it up off planet. That is why Leos was not there to help her when she was hurt."

Uninterested in presents and Leos, Hawk frowned. "Why did she leave us?"

"She told me to tell you after the present and a message. She said a holograph of the present would do until you regained enough strength to see it in person." Ari grinned mischievously, pulled over a viewing screen, and flipped a switch. "She knew I could not wait to show you. It is beautiful."

Hawk stared curiously then felt a dull pain of recognition. "I do not understand. A picture of my ship before it was destroyed in the nova?"

"This is a new ship. She said that your ship's specs and computer were saved from the nova so she had a duplicate made. She added a few goodies, but it is essentially the same ship."

“Goodies?" Hawk tried to stifle a foolish grin but failed.  "I cannot believe this."

"Buck said that the lady has style. I think she is nice. She likes us and wishes to be friends."

"I wish us to be friends, too," Hawk said with sadness. "What was her message?"

"She gave two. For the ship, she said that although the ship duplicates the past, it is a symbol of all the good our long future will hold. 'Remember the happiness of the past with the joy of the future.'"

"That is wise. It is Tiber. And the second message? Did it say why she left us?"

"I think so, but I do not understand it. She said she would see us in the future, but that 'the lark has sung too deeply from the heart for the present.' What does that mean?"

"She is embarrassed about what has happened between us. She could not face me so soon." Sensing his brother's question, Hawk added, "She is wrong. It is I who have been shamed by her generosity of spirit. What else did she say?"

"She said that she would always be our friend and that we should call her if we need her. Then she said something strange. She said that if you were ever ‘cured of the blindness of your heart and the deafness of your spirit, you should. . . .'”

"Should what?"

"She did not say. She said ‘if you do not know that, forget it.’"

Hawk lay back and roared with all the laughter that had been bottled inside of him for months.

Ari bent over him anxiously. "Hawk, are you all right?"

Still laughing, Hawk planted kisses on Ari's cheeks. "Yes, little brother, I am fine.  Forgive me for these last months. I have been a damned fool.  I love you, Ari.  I love you." Drunken on those words, he repeated them over and over again.

"I am a man who loves.  And to hell with dead philosophy and the rest of that quotation."

THE END