Mr. Stimler: A Day in the Life

What goes on in the lives of our Mount Carmel teachers? Are they secret spies? Do they have secret personalities that students don’t get to see? Or are they just  like the rest of us? The Merchant scored a special interview with Mount Carmel’s very own theology teacher Mr. John Stimler to see what his day involves. 

To start off the day, Mr. Stimler wakes up at 3 am and proceeds to drink an entire pot of coffee to give him the energetic personality that everyone knows. “This is a very important part of my day,” says Mr. Stimler. “If I don’t have this pot of coffee, I don't really function correctly.”

Next, Mr. Stimler reads the Mount Carmel handbook to make sure that he knows all of the rules for Mount Carmel. This is crucial because, if he doesn’t do this, he could miss a violation to give out to one of his students. His students are very unappreciative of this part of his day, but someone has to do the job of keeping the students in check. 

“Yeah, the dude needs to chill,” said sophomore Antonio Benson. “I had my iPad out before class and I closed it right when I heard the bell. He still has me detained because the handbook says even if it's out for one second, I get detention. I’ve never heard a rule that stupid in my life.” 

Then when Mr. Stimler arrives at school, he sets up his reading checks that have questions so bizarre that even Mr. Scheuring doesn’t know the answers to them. This is how he makes sure that students are really reading the Bible and not cutting corners. 

Before his first class of the day, he puts his game face on. The pot of coffee in the beginning of the day was just to wake him up. Now, he will proceed to drink three Red Bulls during each passing period to look like he wants to kill someone. This is his game face to get students active in his class. This usually works, but throughout the day he will have students sleeping in his class. He will then go over to the student and slap the desk as hard as he can. While doing that, he will scream the student’s name. Kids have been traumatized over Mr. Stimler making them feel like there's a natural disaster of some sort. 

At the end of the day, when all of the kids are gone, Mr. Stimler cleans up his class room, talks to the other teachers, and goes home. After all of those Red Bulls throughout the day, a caffeine crash will happen soon, so it's a race against the clock. He will barely make it home today as he falls onto his couch and sleeps till 3 am, where he will wake up and do it all over again.