Mount Carmel students in shock after they realize academic status actually effects sports 

Recently, Mount Carmel High School has been taken by storm by a sequel to a heavily-enjoyed game to play in class.

Retro Bowl College is a more difficult special edition of the beloved Retro Bowl game where instead of taking control of one’s favorite NFL team, the user takes the lead of a college football program. This game removes the easy aspects of the game by applying college rules to recruiting instead of the NFL, where money is equivalent to good recruiting.

But a weird thing also comes into play. GPA, which stands for grade point average, is a statistic that affects different elements of the game, like eligibility to play or how much scholarship one receives.

Maintaining a solid GPA is a very exotic concept to grasp for the students of Mount Carmel. Teachers have reportedly seen an influx of students meeting and discussing ways to improve grades for better looks in the college scene. Some students had never even heard of a GPA before Retro Bowl College came out.

“Until now, I thought my GPA was on the same scoring rules as golf,” says junior Micheal Schwarz. He claims he realized that unlike golf, the goal of a GPA is to get it as high as possible, not as low as possible. “Until now, I thought of myself as the Tiger Woods of school because I always led the pack in terms of skill level,” he continued. “Now that I am properly educated, I have successfully turned my act around and have come back into competition with the crowd.” .

Unfortunately, the interviewed student is just another brick in the wall at MC, as a majority of students are in a very similar situation. In fact, a recent Merchant survey found that over 40% of the school in total has a GPA below a 2.0, and over 3/4 of the school has a GPA below national standard. Fortunately, on the bright side, in the very same survey it was found that a vast majority of people want a secondary course to the very popular course “How to successfully play games in class” with a following course “Gaming in class II w/speed training on how to tab out quicker”. This clinical research shows that at least some Mount Carmel students take pride in their academic success.

The counseling department has been flooded with requests for meetings to discuss academics and optimize statistics for the best college selections. This leaves the department overloaded, allowing them to get no other work done.  Over thirty students have received slips to see their counselor and have yet to come back.