CGPM To Lengthen Seconds So School Clock No Longer Drifts

The General Conference on Weights and Measures, the organisation in charge of setting measurement standards such as the second, metre, and kilogram, has announced plans to increase the length of a second by a slight amount so that the bell clock at Mount Carmel High School will be more accurate.

Mount Carmel's school bell runs off a digital clock system. These types of clocks are usually known for having high accuracy. However, MC's clock has poor accuracy, which causes the bells to ring at unpredictable times.

"A lot of students were confused by the bell delay", said a representative from the CGPM. "By making this change, there's absolutely no way that they'll be confused by the drifting."

Despite how clear the issue may seem, many have not noticed the timing issues. In a recent poll, only seventeen people were aware of the poor accuracy. Even more surprising, sixty people answered that they set their clocks to match the bell, incorrectly assuming that their well-synced computer time was inaccurate. Tony Panatera, a teacher and coach who had adjusted several of his clocks to match the school bell, recently took his family to Promontory Point to watch Independence Day fireworks, believing it was still July. 

"I had no idea that the bell was so inaccurate," he remarked after learning about the issues. "I synced all of my clocks to it. Now how am I supposed to know when Division starts?"

Some have reacted in other ways. Kevin Jacobs, the Student Body President, recently failed to perform the morning and afternoon announcements in time. In a recent statement, Jacobs announced that he will now lead these announcements with "Bad morning" and "Bad afternoon" in protest until the bell is synced correctly.

In an unprecedented move, Brooks Nevrly, an English teacher, gave students reasonable time to complete assignments as compensation for the delays.

Some have argued that replacing the school bell clock would be a much easier and simple fix. Others have suggested creating a new time zone for Mount Carmel, allowing for the clock to remain while removing the need to adjust the length of a second. However, these complaints were invalidated due to being received several months before the school clock stated the complaint line would open. Further investigation into the clock inaccuracy's effects showed that recent problems with the school network were due to the router being synced to the bell clock and the internet provider being Comcast.

Assistant Principal Bill Nolan could not be reached for comment due to poor communication about whether the scheduled interview time would be based on the current standard or the school clock. Sources indicate that he was screaming into the microphone in confusion over snow appearing during what the clock reported to be May.

While the length increase of a second was originally planned to take effect on January 1, 2023, it has been pushed back indefinitely, as scientists need to recalculate when Mount Carmel's clock considers the first of January to be.