Cutting ponytail causes Mr. Milavickas to lose guitar skills

A sad, shocking story has recently emerged about beloved math and accounting teacher, Mr. David Milavickas. What seemed to be a kind act of charity led to the tragic end of his favorite hobby. 

If you were to ask who is the greatest guitarist at Mount Carmel, a majority of students would point to Milavickas. However, the answer seems to vary after Milavickas’s recent failed guitar performance. On March 20th, he shaved his head as an honorable act for Saint Baldrick’s, the children’s cancer charity. Later that afternoon, he was set to perform a rock gig in an effort to raise additional money for the cause. Eager for his performance, he had set up with his drummer and fellow math teacher, Mr. Jamel Williams, in the Cacciatore Gym. Before the show, Milavickas had offered to shave his long, luscious hair for charity. The students paced around the gym waiting for the epic solo Milavickas had been practicing tirelessly on. The newly shorn guitarist hopped on stage and was applauded by his many student fans. 

But rather than breaking into a sweet jam, he stood in the crowd looking confused and nervous. Instead of playing his solo, he played the quite simple lick to Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water.” Williams looked at him completely puzzled. The once-great guitar shredder had gone back to step one in his tab book. The performance was followed by a long rain of jeering and booing. Milavickas had no choice but to run out of the gym.

“I propose that the cause of this incident must have been correlated to the increased stress of his pre-calculus class,” Ms. Emma Norise, leader of the Medical Enrichment Club stated. Not all MC authorities agree with Norise, though.

“This is ridiculous!” said MC theologian Mrs. Jennifer Davis. “Clearly, the cause of this tragic incident was the St. Baldrick’s event prior to the concert today.” 

It’s unusual to hear such criticism of a charitable association like St. Baldrick's. However, Davis added,  “In chapters thirteen to sixteen of the Book of Judges, Samson was one of the strongest men in the Bible. With the power of God, he used his strength to handle combat throughout his life. However, once his long luscious hair had been cut off, his power declined severely. I truly believe that this is the sad but plausible cause of Mr. Milavickas’s failed performance.” 

This story is quite a surprise for many at Mount Carmel.