• Here are some questions you can ask yourself to get a sense of your communication patterns and preferences, and we offer this list as something that you can keep coming back to over time, as practices might shift over time as you experience new things and meet different people! Often times, communication breaks down not necessarily because of you or the other person, but because of a misalignment in how you both communicate.

• We'd suggest that you only pick one or two questions to reflect on at a time, depending on what questions resonate with you at the present moment, and that you give yourself 10-15 minutes at least to think through your answers to the questions. You may also want to ask a friend to do this together with you, so you can hear someone else's responses and/or have some support to articulate and clarify your answer, and/or to write your answers so that you can easily return to them at a future point in time (:

• Another point to note is that your communication methods may be different from context to context - the way you communicate with a peer might be different from how you communicate with someone much older/more established than you. Depending on your interest and capacity, it could be helpful to respond to these questions both in general as well as in 1 or max 2 other specific contexts.

• Can you think of a miscommunication or misunderstanding that you previously experienced? How did it happen?

• In your context/situation, what kinds of behaviours/lack of action often lead to miscommunication?

  • • Did the conversation happen too late or too early?

    • Was the wrong information given or the phrasing of it unclear?

    • Was the conversation very emotionally charged or involved personal criticism?

• Is it difficult to keep track of who said what?

  • • Do people rely purely on their memory or are there attempts to document what was said?

• We use 'facilitator' here in quite a loose way - it can refer to being formally hired or acknowledged as a facilitator in a project, or it can refer to being informally someone who is trying to move things along in a group context. Within an arts collective for instance, where there is likely no clear 'leader' or 'head', everyone is probably facilitating the collective's conversation to some degree.

• As noted in the earlier section, your communication methods may be different from context to context, so it can be worth taking some time to reflect on your communication methods as a facilitator. Apart from applying this lens to the questions above, here are some additional questions that you might find helpful to reflect on how communication happens and is remembered within different groups.

• These questions can also be used in a group setting (e.g. as an activity) for everyone to get on the same page regarding how everyone prefers to communicate.

• How often does the group check in with each other?

• Are there opportunities for the group to communicate their needs, boundaries and expectations of the job/project?

• Does everyone feel comfortable speaking to the rest of the group? Why or why not?

• How is the communication of the group being kept track of?

  1. • What kind of documentation practices do we have?

• What is the tempo and frequency of our communication?

  1. • How does everyone feel about it?

As with clarifying and articulating your boundaries and practices, actively working towards open communication in working relationships can feel awkward if you’re not used to doing so, which is why it can be helpful to think about practicing in your everyday context as well!

• • One possible exercise is to approach 1 (max 2) people with whom you feel comfortable, and to explicitly ask to practice open communication and radical honesty with them - although the hope is that this practice together might hopefully shifts your communication dynamics in the long term, to help contain the practice, we would suggest mutually agreeing on a certain time period / amount of time, or a certain number of conversations/sessions.

    • When discussing how to practice open communication together, it can be helpful to spend some time discussing each other’s responses to the reflective questions and/or discussing 1-2 things that you’d each like to work on during this ‘practice’ period.

  • Another possible exercise is to ask someone to co-think with you! For instance, if you noted in your response to the reflective questions that there is indeed a common theme in past negative experiences around miscommunications, it could be worthwhile to sit down with someone you trust to talk through early warning signs, as well as how else you could have approached communications in a particular situation. By processing past experiences and actively looking out for early warning signs, it can help to minimise or quickly address future miscommunication issues.

• When approached for a project

  • 💬 In negotiating your involvement with the project, it can be helpful to clarify preferences and protocols around informal and/or formal channels of communications in relation to raising troubling aspects about the process, the project itself, or someone on the project team.

  • 💬 For longer and/or more intense projects, depending on your preference, you could also consider explicitly asking for a midpoint check in and/or a post-mortem to be included as part of the process for the project. Again, depending on your preference, you might ask for this for just yourself, and/or for this to take place as a full team exercise.

• Over the course of the project + at the end of the project!

  • Ideally, the organisers would be able to offer a structure for the check-ins, but if not, it can be helpful to prepare for the check-in by thinking through the following questions:

    • • How am I feeling about the project?

      • What is working well for me in the project?

      • What is not working as well for me in the project? Do I have any thoughts/suggestions that might help to address these issues?

❣️ If there are check-ins but you don’t actually feel safe to speak your mind, we would suggest that you look up the section on Addressing Harm, to help think through what can be done to support your safety and wellbeing in the project!

Here are some possibilities of phrasing things if you need some suggestions! Feel free to tweak them to your preferred tone and specific context.

Note: There are multiple overlaps between a communicative culture and a culture of consent in a project, so do also look up the topic on Unpacking Consent for more suggestions on how to approach people for a project!

• When negotiating someone's involvement in a project

• 📃 Explicitly articulate informal and/or formal channels of communications through which people can raise troubling aspects about the process, the project itself, or someone on the project team.

• 💢 This includes being clear about how and who people can reach out to if they have concerns, even and especially if it’s about you as the project lead. It should also be clear what possibilities are available for people if a conflict escalates, such as external mediation by a trusted colleague or a professional.

• An example of possible writing is as follows - excerpted from The Library of Care’s Letter of Agreement with team members:

Feedback / Concerns

Any feedback or concerns about the conduct of anyone involved in the Project should be raised to the Lead Applicant. The Project Co-Director & Resource Creator commits to having a discussion with the person raising the concern(s), which can include the Lead Applicant, and to take mutually agreed steps thereafter to address the concern(s). The discussion can be either in person or in writing, whichever feels most comfortable to the person raising the concern(s).

The person raising the concern(s) can also request for an external facilitator to be involved in the initial discussion and/or in the subsequent carrying out of the mutually agreed steps.

Where a resolution cannot be found through these means, either party can choose to seek mediation elsewhere, and/or file a claim at the Small Claims Tribunals, Singapore.

❣️ If it is a small project and there isn’t anyone else in the project who would realistically be comfortable asking you to take responsibility for harmful behaviours, do consider roping in someone to be your accountability partner for this project, which could be someone from your ‘pod’ (see Mia Mingus for more details on what a pod is and how you can go about mapping and forming one for yourself). By doing so, this can really highlight to people that you are committed to ensuring that they can share any concerns about the project.

• Over the course of the project + at the end of the project!

  • • ✋ As with the topic Getting To Know Yourself, a good practice for open and regular communication is to plan ahead to set aside reflection time for the entire team at significant milestones of the project e.g. after the first draft of the script/choreography etc., at the end of the project, so that there is ‘protected’ time for people to share thoughts and concerns about the project and the process

      • A helpful way of framing these check-ins is to highlight that this is for everyone in the project, including yourself as the organiser - to facilitate this framing, you might want to send out key questions for the check-in beforehand, so that during the check-in, it’s clear that the questions are steering the process, rather than you as the organiser necessarily having to facilitate the entire process and hold space for everyone else

      • A check-in deck that Gua Khee (disclaimer: one of the resource creators) has created can be found at www.guakhee.com/hello, and you might find it useful to look at it as a base template that you can modify as is helpful for the specific context of the project!

      • Another framework you can consider if it's about giving / receiving feedback on tangible things and behaviours with clear examples is "I like... I wish... I wonder..."

        • • “I like” is a starting point for what went well or what is positive about an idea, a thing or a behaviour.

          • “I wish” is a starting point for what could be done differently/improved.

          • “I wonder” can be a starting point for questions that are still unanswered, and ideas.

❣️ These check-ins are also best done over food and drinks, and in more casual / informal settings!

• In shorter and/or more straightforward projects, whatever this means to you, this could look like setting aside 15-20mins during sessions; in longer and/or more complex projects with more core team members, this might look like setting aside a full 1-2hours / dedicating one session to just do this check-in!

❣️ To take into account different people’s processing speeds and also preferred modes of processing, do also consider providing various options for people e.g. responding in-person / on the spot options, but also over mediums like text or email / over a predefined window of time.

Here are some possibilities of phrasing things if you need some suggestions! Feel free to tweak them to your preferred tone and specific context.

While having regular and open communication will likely minimise the chances of conflict in a project, there will likely still be moments of tension in any project. Here are some ideas on how to address tension when it arises, so as to hopefully prevent hurt from escalating into conflict and potential harm.

If you are specifically looking for resources on how to address harm that has already happened though, do visit the topic on 'How to Address Harm' instead.

When there is a moment / an exchange that leads to some perceivable tension or unhappiness:

• • ☝️ Does it feel appropriate to name what is happening at the moment of tension?

    • e.g. "It feels like we are unable to come to a decision / it seems like that comment didn’t sit well for everyone etc.?"

  • ✋ Is it possible to call for a timeout (you can also call it a bio break or a snack break!) or change the topic so there is some time and space for people away from the point of tension?

    • e.g. "can I suggest a quick 5-10min break, or that we talk about something else first?" "I hear that you're feeling upset, but I don't think I have the capacity to listen well right now. Could we talk about this a bit later/tomorrow/another time?"

During the timeout:

• 😡 If you are involved in the exchange that led to the tension,

  • 🍃 consider taking some time to first calm yourself down - this might look like doing some breathing exercises, chatting about something else, stepping out for fresh air / to be alone, and/or asking for a hug!

  • 🌼 when you're feeling better, and if there's time, see if you can:

    • Name the behaviours, actions or attitudes that are bothering you. Also, on a scale of 1 being mildly frustrated to 10 being incredibly frustrated/triggered, how bothered/distressed are you? Do this separately for each person that you feel bothered by.

    • Think of possible behaviours, actions or attitudes on your end that might have contributed to their behaviours, actions or attitudes?

      • When there is tension, It’s often not a ‘you’ problem or a ‘them’ problem, but an ‘us’ problem - that there is something about the way both/all parties are communicating and interacting with each other that isn’t working out, rather than one person being ‘wrong’ and the other(s) being ‘right’!

    • Articulate what would you would ideally like to happen - what might be 1-2 actions you can take to move towards this outcome? This might include adjusting some of your own behaviour and/or asking for help or support from someone else in the group.

• 😮 If you are in the group and observe the tension but are not (as) personally affected, you can support people in calming down and/or being a listening ear for them and inviting them to think about some of the above questions.

  • Some strategies that might help in being an active listener in this situation include:

    • Checking that you have understood the other person's point by paraphrasing / sharing back e.g. "It sounds like you're feeling frustrated because [repeat what they said to you in your own words], is that right?"

    • Clarifying where you are unsure e.g. "What do you mean when you say.... [something that they said that you want to clarify/are curious about]?" "Can you elaborate on what you mean by..."

After the timeout:

• Do consider keeping some time and space to address the tension. If this is not feasible within the timespan of the meeting, it could be helpful to first acknowledge this, then note that the group can return to this at the next meeting.

  • If the point of tension pertains to a particular direction or decision, there could also be action points for the group to work on before the next meeting, such as doing further research.

  • Importantly, while some people might say that there's no need for a separate conversation or to return to the issue as a group because 'it's not a big deal', committing to take time to unpack disagreements and tensions together can be deeply helpful for a group to build capacity as individuals and as a group to manage future tension and conflict.

When unpacking the situation:

• A helpful structure could look like inviting people to first take turns to share about the behaviours, actions or attitudes that bothered them, and also naming the degree of frustration they feel.

  • • e.g. "When you/X said/did …, I felt …, (because …)." "... was extremely frustrating to me."

• As people share, or as a second round of sharing, people would ideally also take responsibility and apologise for their own behaviours, actions or attitudes that might have contributed to other people's behaviours, actions or attitudes.

  • Mia Mingus has written an extensive 2-part article on how to give a good apology!

• Finally, end with discussing and committing to specific actions that the individuals and/or the group can take to address the hurt and/or minimise similar tensions from arising.

  • e.g. if the tension was caused by an insensitive or inappropriate comment due to lack of knowledge on a particular issue or condition, an action the group could commit to might look like setting time aside as a group to read and discuss that particular issue or condition.

• 🍭 Affirming joy! As important as it is to address tension and discomfort, it's also important to think about pleasure and people thriving.

  • This might look like acknowledging a new haircut ("that looks great!") or asking about people's joy ("Wow! You look happy! What happened today?" / "I'm so happy that X turned out well for you!")

• 🌠 Communication platforms!

  • If you are using less common platforms for communication such as Discord or Slack, do consider offering scaffolding / additional support to help people ease into using that platform

  • If you are using more common platforms such as Whatsapp or email, do still think about good practice and ‘hygiene’ on that platform.

    • For instance, on Whatsapp, are you sending invite links to people rather than suddenly adding them to a Whatsapp group? During the project, do you highlight the parameters of what the chat can be used for e.g. are updates about each other’s upcoming works welcome or not, especially for longer-term projects? Do you explicitly articulate when a project is over and people are free to exit the Whatsapp group?

    • As for email, are you implementing a standardised way of labeling emails e.g. ‘[The Library of Care] …’ or are you deliberately playing with having different headers each time (in which case, is this shared upfront with people on the team so they are aware)?

  • If you are working across multiple communication platforms e.g. Whatsapp, Discord, email, do be careful about the intentionality and use of the different platforms e.g. email is for major updates, Discord is for research, and Whatsapp is for check-ins etc.

• 👩🏻🧑🧔🏾👧🏼 This concept applies to working with audiences as well, be it peers, reviewers, or a general public, and be it for a work-in-progress showing or a final performance!

  • How open and transparent are you about:

    • the content of the piece - do you need to provide some content warnings?

    • the structure of the session - is it that audiences will watch the piece first and then the team will share more about the piece after? or will it be the case that the team shares a bit about the project first and then audiences can experience the piece with that framing in mind?

    • the degree of feedback you can take in - e.g. having audiences at a preview the night before the show opens would result in very different expectations and type of feedback than if it was a work-in-progress with 3 months to opening

  • For work-in-progresses, do you take the time and effort further down the road to communicate back with the audiences how their feedback has been factored in?

    • This being said, not every audience has a desire to be kept updated about a project's progress, so it might also be worth asking audiences their preference about this!